


Damaged Princess

by Bellarke_madi



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Depression, Doctor/Patient, Endgame Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fights, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Love, Minor Character Death, POV Bellamy Blake, Self-Harm, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Smut, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:42:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 31
Words: 62,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25466455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bellarke_madi/pseuds/Bellarke_madi
Summary: When Clarke and Finn moved to the city at 19, Clarke had an idealised view of the world. Now stuck in physical and emotionally abusive relationship Clarke is more isolated than ever, her only saving grace is the new guy that moved into the apartment next door. Can Bellamy help Clarke overcome her problems and Finn. What happens when Bellamy starts falling for her, made even harder when Clarke adopted daughter Madi turns up.Is a heavy fic but the cute fluffy scenes make up for it.Bellarke fluff from chapter 1It is slow burn like literal glacial pace but bellarke friendship and fluff from the startInspired by @April7739 Bellarke fic. Go Check it out, it's amazing ❤️❤️I've re-edited all chapters, hopefully catching most mistakes and made it easier to read❤️Dark themes including: self harm, abusive relationships, sexual assault, depression and isolation. Please be carefully when reading if any of these themes could affect you.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake & Clarke Griffin & Madi, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Clarke Griffin & Madi, Finn Collins/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 70
Kudos: 202





	1. Mystery Girl

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my fanfic, I hope you guys enjoy. Please let me know what you think.  
> I've read hundreds of Bellarke fics over the years, @April7739 Bellarke fics inspired this one.  
> Thankyou to my Beta, I love you.  
> Themes in this chapter: implied violence and implied physical and domestic abuse.  
> Really cute bellarke scenes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Clarke meets Bellamy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg.   
> Thank you so much for reading

Chapter 1: Mystery girl

Walking around the small apartment she decided she would just cook dinner now, he clearly wasn't home and thus she presumed wouldn't be for a while. It was so different, reality to what she had dreamt of. When she had run off to the City with Finn, she thought it would be a romantic lifestyle, in a dainty little apartment and steady income; to return home and spend quality time together, cooking, hell - even just hanging out, how naive had she been? 

A crash from outside her apartment jolted her from her thoughts. Stumbling forward her leg bashed into the thick wooden table; she noted she should probably have felt pain, after all her bruised legs had bashed right into the corner of the table - at this point she was pretty sure she was numb all over. Pulling on some long jeans and a sweatshirt to cover the marks on her arms, she ventured out into the hallway.

She smiled to herself as she watched the scene unfold in front of her eyes. A fairly tall guy with beautiful olive skin stood before her trying to juggle various boxes as well as a key dangling precariously out of his stunning lips. She took a couple of seconds to appreciate him before chuckling out loud.  
At the noise he whipped his head round, checking her out before putting down one of the boxes on his hand.

"Urm, hey sorry for the commotion. The damn door is stuck." he said smiling at her.

"Yeah, you must be new then if you haven't figured it out yet!" Clarke stated, stepping in front of him and towards the door whilst holding out her hand for the key. He smirked before pulling the key out from his lips and handing them to Clarke. She kicked the door in a certain place whilst pulling up the handle and turning the key. Pushing the door open she spun back around and stepped out of the way.

"Thanks I'll just shout anytime I need the door opened." he chuckled.

"You'll get the hang of it!" She laughed stepping inside the entrance of her own apartment. 

"Thank you. I'm Bellamy." 

"You're welcome." she said closing her door. 

"Wait!" he mumbled, he trapping his foot in the gap before the door closed fully, 

"Do I not get your name?" 

"Maybe next time." she grinned, lightly nudging his foot out of the way and shutting the door. 

Looking at the time Clarke realised it was much later than she had thought. Finn should of been home hours ago. Giving into her hunger, she made some mac and cheese before settling on the sofa. It was nearly 8, Finn was meant to be home at 6 o clock. It probably meant that drunk Finn would be walking in that door tonight. Sighing, she washed up her dinner and got ready for bed. As she lay down, she felt cold and empty - a part of her missed Finn. Maybe she just likes the comfort of someone but tonight the only guy walking through the door would be violent; anything but caring. Curling into her pillow, she let the emptiness and restless sleep engulf her.   
.   
. 

The morning light streamed into the bedroom windows making Clarke squint in the sunlight. Pulling herself away from the arm shoved across her stomach, she got out of bed wandering into the living room. Empty beer bottles littered the living room and bags of probably all of their Crisps they owned littered the floor. It was a complete dump. Another thing to clean. She hoped this was the extent of the evidence from Finn's idea of fun, it was clear he had brought friends round. Walking further into the shared kitchen, she began to clean. Picking up the plates that were thrown across the room, along with the beer bottles and scattered lids - she started washing them up and searched through the fridge for anything she could have for breakfast. With a limited option, she pulled a slightly out of date yogurt and started getting ready for work. Her bruises had gone down significantly and a light bit of makeup would surely cover up any that would be visible in her cafe/bar uniform. Luckily, Finn was still passed out as she exited their small apartment. 

"Hey, mystery girl!" Bellamy called out, also stepping out from his apartment. 

"Hey Bellamy. You all settled in?" she asked, locking her door.

"Pretty much. What was all that commotion late last night?" he questioned, walking with her to the grungy staircase. 

"Oh sorry! That was my boyfriend Finn, I think he was drunk." she mumbled, embarrassed to have to defend him for the millionth time. 

"Nah no problem. So...boyfriend huh?" he asks dejected. 

"Yeah, sorry to crush your dreams," she laughed, "Where are you going?" 

"To get groceries, what about you?" he asked. 

"Shit," she said pulling out her phone, "I need to remember to get food after work." 

"Want me to pick anything up for you - mystery woman?" 

"No, it's okay." she said walking down the stairs. He held the door open for her. 

"Bye Bellamy!" 

"Bye.." he faltered, "you." 

Chuckling, she started walking to work, for once not faking the smile plastered on face.   
Clarke arrived just on time, the pay was not the best - if she had any other options she'd probably quit. She waited behind the till of the restaurant. Anya, her boss, had not said a word to her all day but that wasn't much change from the usual. Everyone kept out of her way right from the start, it was a little disappointing, I guess that's what happens when you're the new girl from out of town that gets all the tips. She understood their hatred, but it wasn't her fault that she was well endowed. The shift passed slowly, but at least there wasn't many difficult customers today.

It was early evening when she finished work, and had begun to walk to the supermarket. She allowed her mind to wander - had Finn got out of bed yet? He probably missed work today from being too hungover to function. Clarke hummed to herself, thinking that he must at least enjoy working for his dad to a degree; especially when he's the one that parties with you. It's not like he would be working today anyway. She hoped that maybe he would spend some time with her tonight, she missed it. He was always out - or perhaps with his friends. She understood, seeing as Finn got jobs by socialising. He would get a lot fewer journalist gigs without it. I guess that's the bad thing about being a freelancer. But still, it didn't make the ache in her heart weigh any less. 

At the start of the relationship, Finn would make sure to get home everyday in time for dinner. They would cuddle up and watch some stupid comedy - it didn't really matter what they did as long as they were together, giggling and making inside jokes. It was perfect, absolute bliss, everything she had ever dreamt of - but it didn't last that way. It never mattered to them that their apartment was small, or that there was mould in the kitchen that she just couldn't scrub clean. Or even how the bath was way too small and the outside balcony door from the bedroom wouldn't fully close. The two of them together were unstoppable. Clarke wanted that back more than she could imagine. She didn't doubt his love for her - besides he told her he loved her everyday. Although a part of her believed it was more of a saying just flung around to keep her satisfied.   
𝑪𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒐𝒏 𝑪𝒍𝒂𝒓𝒌𝒆, 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕. 

She mentally scolded herself walking into the crowded shop. Her thoughts drifted to Bellamy - what did he think about the shop? Did he find it as much of a shock as she did when she first moved here? She remembered the first time she'd walked into the shop, it was so much bigger than the one in Arkadia; and so much more expensive. God, shopping for the week almost took up most of her pay, thank fuck for tips

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think


	2. Princess suits you better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Clarke has dinner with Finn and his not so delightful father  
> -A conversation with her mother leaves Clarkes in tears  
> -Bellamy and Clarke bond out on the balcony
> 
> Mention and description of non-consent and questionable consent sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay here we go chapter 2, thankyou for all the support of chapter 1.  
> Let me know your thoughts and reviews and I'll respond to all comments ❤️❤️

Chapter 2: Princess suits you better  
.   
. 

Yanking her door open, she couldn't decide whether she wanted Finn to be home or not, finding it hard to sort through her emotions. Would it be better for Finn to come home on the off chance he will show his love that she longs for; or more likely for her to be alone in this home but without any of the problems it could cause. Her eyes panned across the empty apartment and disappointment filled her. It seemed her mind had already decided. She pulled her groceries out of the bag and began packing them away. Clarke wondered if he would be home for dinner. Sighing, she starts to make it anyway. Grabbing the spaghetti and some pans, she put the water on to boil. 

As she was cutting up the bacon and chicken there was a knock on the door. Clarke shrugged her jumper on, even though it was warm outside, and pulled open the door, only to see her neighbour. 

"Hey Bellamy. What's up?" she spoke, letting him into the apartment. He followed her into the living room.

"Do you have any milk?" he asked. 

"You went to the shop and forgot to buy milk!" Clarke exclaimed as she laughed, going to the fridge and handing it to him. Their hands touched briefly - Clarke quickly pulled hers away. Nodding towards the door, she told him to bring the rest back once he had finished using it. 

Once he'd left she realised she hadn't even asked what he needed milk for. She was pulled out of her thoughts when her phone pinged with a text from Finn. 

"Hey baby, asked Johnny to come for dinner. Love ya" 

She sighed a little. Clarke replied, "I thought it was just gonna be us tonight, I miss you..." 

"Well it can be just us next time. Don't make this hard for me, he's my family" 

Clarke laughed bitterly, deep in thought.   
𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐡, '𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐧.

She hadn't talked to her mother in months - almost since she had moved there with Finn. She rejected the idea of blaming Finn for it in her mind, no matter how logical that seemed. He was only concerned for her, and he loved her so much he was scared to lose her. That's all it was. Love, he loved her. He was worried if she picked up the phone, her mum would send someone down to take her away from him. Her mother was always protective of her. She might even hire a PI, it was that ridiculous. She loved that about her, but sometimes it felt a little like she was trapped between two parts of her life. Finn had told Clarke before that it was "them against the world", to the point where if she was talking with anyone back home it was like she was betraying him. Although it seemed kind of like a one-sided deal. 

'Great, his father was coming', she thought, She sighed once more, pulling some more spaghetti into the pan and setting the table. The dinner was tense. Finn's dad had never liked her - they had only met maybe 5 times in total. Finn's mum and dad had split up; his mum stayed in Arkadia whilst his dad moved to the city. Finn and Clarke when they had run away at 19 had followed in his footsteps. 

"So Clarke, how's your job?" Johnny mumbled with his mouth open. 

"It's.." well truly it was kinda shitty - minimum pay and fucked up customers, 

"Great, just great." She lied. 

"Well, with a body like that you could work anywhere. Rake in all the tips - I mean it, like become a stripper, a slag, whatever the fuck you need." Johnny said smiling wickedly and winking at Finn. 

Clarke pulled her jumper tighter, stunned into silence. A shudder ran down her back from the disgusting words that had been spat at her so casually. She decided that she wouldn't answer. He had insulted her and all females really. 

Instead she would just try to end the dinner altogether, gathering up all of the plates and placing them in the sink. 

"Finn, we are heading out tonight. Local bar, you gotta come and network." Johnny said smiling at Clarke, a glint in his eye. Clarke knew what was coming - she was used to being ditched.   
"Yeah, meet you in a hour." he replied, and with that Johnny left. 

"Hey baby," Finn said, relaxing behind her as she did the dishes. He started to rub circles on her thighs through her leggings. Clarke was not in the mood, trying to shrug him off a little - still insulted by the comments made earlier. He continued, not getting the message or perhaps not caring.

"Finn, not tonight!" she snapped. 

"Yeah, not tonight. Or two days ago, or a week ago. Why can't you just let me show you what you're missing. Don't you love me anymore?" He snapped back.   
How could he think that? Of course she loved him. Doubt crossed her mind, maybe he's right; maybe she was just being a bitch. Maybe she didn't show him enough love.

She didn't respond, standing there shamelessly as he stroked her. He pulled her roughly to the couch and took off her leggings and underwear. She doubted she was wet, she wasn't even turned on. He'd only last a few minutes anyway, let's just get it over with. As long as he got off and was happy, then he would know that she had proved her love for him. She lay there motionless underneath him trying to think about her plan for tomorrow. He didn't last more than a couple of thrusts, emptying himself in her. He pulled out and kissed her on the nose. He didn't seem to notice she hadn't come, or barely even enjoyed it. He seemed happy though. 

"Night Clarke, I love you, don't wait up." he yelled on his way out, leaving the apartment.   
.   
. 

She began cleaning herself up, and finished the dishes. Her mind was numb. She felt lost - not exactly violated, just unloved. She changed into one of Finns T-shirt's just before the phone rang. Groaning, she grabbed her phone. It was her mother. 'Shit!', Clarke thought, 'was it a birthday? Anniversary? It must be something! She never usually called.' Clarke guessed it was important and decided to pick up. Besides, Finn was out so he'd never have to know. 

"Hey mum." 

"Clarke! Oh my god, baby it's so good to hear your voice!" 

"Yeah mum it's me, what's up?" 

"We haven't talked in nearly half a year and I get a 'what's up?' Oh, I feel so loved."

"Mum I'm sorry, I guess I'm just stressed." 

The room was getting stuffy. The walls felt like they were closing in on her, surrounding her, pressing on her until there was no way out. She opened the doors to the balcony breathing out in relief. They had no furniture out there yet, but she slid down against the wall - gazing at the city illuminated by lights. The breeze felt nice, freeing and she almost forgot her mother on the phone.

"So as I was saying basically all in all I'm engaged!" her mum rambled on excitedly. 

"That's great mum!" she replied, not really knowing what to say. In that moment she felt so alone. Her life revolved around Finn's so much that she didn't even know her own mother's life. 

'He's all I got, my everything.' She told herself. 

"So when are you going to come home to congratulate me in person?" her mum questioned. Her heart beat faster, panicking at what to say. She knew Finn wouldn't let her, it was them against the world. Clarke felt so suffocated. She wasn't supposed to need her mum or anyone. Just her and Finn - that's how it should be and she could be happy here. Truly she could be. 

"I can't mum. I've got to go, talk soon! I love you." she said quickly, hanging up.   
She couldn't stop the tears, sobbing as she sank further onto the floor. All she could think about was how much she was on her own; her mum so distant, everything was changing, her thoughts started collapsing around her. 

"Hey, you alright?" a voice softly spoke. Clarke whipped around meeting Bellamy's eye, who was sitting on his balcony adjacent to her own. 

"Fucking fantastic" she mumbled, and he moved closer to the edge of his balcony closer to Clarke. 

"Yeah, 'cause when I'm fucking fantastic I sob on my balcony too." he remarked while side glancing at her. Her hair stuck to her teary face, the mascara stained onto her cheeks. 

"I'm fine, got it?" she snapped. She didn't mean to. He was just being kind, but she couldn't help but be defensive. 

"So, want to hear about my day?" he suggested, trying to distract her from whatever got her this upset. 

"Yeah" she smiled gratefully. 

"So to sum it up, not the easiest. You know, when you move from a small town to a city you expect this big miracle change overnight! I had this romanticised view of New York. I'd get here and acting jobs or even photoshoots would be lined up just waiting for me. My manager said he thought I'd be a star. I wasn't naive enough to believe I'd get here and all my problems would be sorted, but a few of them would be nice." he chuckled.   
"Anyway I got a job at a bar, it will pay the rent. I got one audition, maybe a small photo shoot so I guess not as bad as your day." 

"You'll grow out of it." Clarke whispered. 

"Out of what?" he asked, she sounded so broken. 

"The notion everything's better in a city - that the city makes dreams come true. I can vouch to say that it doesn't." she whispered back looking at him new tears glistening in her eyes.

Even here, with her emotional state clearly destroyed; her cheeks damp with proof that not everything was better in the city, her voice breaking with new sobs threatening to take over. She was still so beautiful, in ways she was sure other girls would be jealous, even crying she looked pretty. She was gorgeous, even in her worst moments. 

"Thanks, I feel better about moving here already. You should become a public speaker." he quipped, smiling at her.

"I could lie and tell you everything will be fine, that New York will fix everything and you'll return a new man if you want." she suggested, smiling slightly and wiping her eyes. 

"I'll keep it in mind! Can I cash in that advice at any time, or is it just a one time thing?" he asked. 

"Whatever the hell you want. Where are you escaping from, Bellamy the actor?" 

"Alpha, but to the locals it's called Sanctum. I've doubt you heard of it, there's no more than 10,000 people there. What about you?" 

"Arkadia." Clarke replied bluntly, hoping he hadn't heard of it - but of course he had. 

"So you're rich, right? Isn't that where all the rich live?" he asked. 

"No, my mum is rich. I'm probably just as broke as you are or more." 

"Whatever you say Princess." he laughed. She chuckled, shaking her head. 

"What's a princess doing slumming it with her people?" He laughed. 

"Well, gotta see how you all live." she quipped back, smiling for the first time since she'd entered the balcony. 

"Oh well I feel blessed." he mocked, with a questioning tone. 

"Ah, you know where I work. What about you?" 

"In a cafe," she said, explaining where it was. 

"That's what you want to do in life?" he asked. 

"No, but I'm not sure what I want to do. I figured I'd work it out when we got here but so far no luck. Finn, my boyfriend, he's a journalist. He'd do anything to get a good story - his work is the reason we came here." She rambled. 

"Yeah, but what do you like to do princess?" he asked. It seemed to Bellamy that she seems to live her life for him. She apologises for him, shops for him, moving there for him. 

"I don't know," She sighed, "I used to draw and paint in high-school. My mum is a doctor and I was training to be one too before I left - I shadowed her for years. I'm just not sure I want to follow in her footsteps."

"So I'll come to you when I next get beaten up," he laughed, "what about your art? Did you grow out of it?" he wondered. 

"Just haven't got back into it after everything with my dad. So, not for a while." she replied. He wanted to ask more; she was intriguing, this beautiful someone you could have a deep conversation with - and obviously she was very in love with Finn. With that, he heard the door to her apartment open. 

"That will be Finn, thank you for the talk. Honestly it helped a lot." She said, standing. 

"You can talk to me anytime! I'm only a balcony away." He laughed. Finn appeared at the door. 

"There you are, baby." Finn slurred. "Oh hey man. I'm Finn." he mumbled, looking at Bellamy quickly returning his attention to Clarke. Finn started to kiss her neck. Clarke hesitated, pushing Finn of her slightly and pushing him lightly towards the apartment. She followed behind him, turning at the doorway. 

"Night Bellamy." 

"Night Princess." 

"Its Clarke, by the way" 

"Princess suits you better." he said, smiling kindly, as she retreated inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 complete. When I said slow burn trust me I meant it but bellarke bonding is always cute.  
> Let me know your thoughts and chapter 3 should be up within a week ❤️


	3. Your mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Graphic physical abuse  
> -Definition of toxic relationship
> 
> Next chp up soon and thanks for all the love.
> 
> This has quite a dark theme and Clarkes view on love and relationship is fairly disturbing, and I don't belive her thought or views ik this is quite accurate a way someone can be manipulated into belive this. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chp and as always let me know your thoughts xx

Chapter 3: Your Mine

Clarke retreated inside, anxious for the argument that she predicted to start. 

"Who's that??" Finn shouted from the adjoining bathroom as Clarke sat down on the bed. 

"That's Bellamy.. He just moved in a couple days ago.." She decided that being truthful would be the best policy. 

"And why were you talking to him?!?" he asked angrily, grabbing Clarkes shoulders roughly as he settled behind her on the bed. 

"Well, I was out on the balcony and he started talking to me." she explained. 

"Does he know your mine?" he slurred with jealousy, obviously drunk squeezing her closer to him. He wrapped his arms tightly around her. 

Clarke pulled away harshly,, "I'm yours," she snapped angrily, "I'm not a fucking object Finn!" 

"Shut up Clarke.," he spat, standing up in front of her. 

"I.. er.. urm." Clarke was speechless.   
"You are whatever I say you are.." he demanded. raising his voice, and 

She saw the change in his eyes; flinching, she tried to move her arms up - ready for what was to come next. She desperately tried to hold in the scream but failed as Finn's hand slapped against her face. She didn't get the chance to hold her face. Then he held her body tight so that she wouldn't fly off and began to kick her over and over. Her leg before, her arms, anything in his reach of his red-visioned rage. 

"Not my face!" she screeched, trying to protect it with her hands. 

As he let go of her body she sank to the floor curling up. He finished kicking her in the back and she was left lying there covered in blood. The impact made her crash further into the floor. He lent down to his ear, slowly stroking her hair out of her face. 

"You are mine because I love you the most, no one else will love me the way I do." he sneered while she laid there on the floor motionless as he finished stroking her hair and kissing along her cheek. 

"Night Clarke I love you" he whispered. 

"You do love me don't you?" 

"Yes Finn, I love you" she whimpered, and it was true, maybe he was right, maybe she shouldn't of tried to talk to Bellamy. Was that wrong? Maybe. Was it being unfaithful? She shouldn't do anything to upset Finn, she never meant to hurt him, it wasn't worth it, she loved him.

Slowly she picked herself up off the floor, Finn was right: no one else would want her. Too exhausted to clean herself up she fell into bed, wincing as her body hit the hard bed frame. She loved Finn, and she had deserved the beating, she had hurt Finn so Finn had hurt her. She'd deserved it she concluded as her body gave way to her thoughts and she drifted off asleep. 

The next morning as per normal Finn was full of remorse, 

"Hey baby" he said when Clarkes eyes fluttered open, he pulled her body close to his, placing light kisses down her face and neck. 

"I'm so sorry Clarke, my emotions got the better of me, I saw red, I was jealous but I do love you Clarke," he whispered into her ear. 

"I know Finn, you are always sorry afterwards but you need to find a way to stop Finn, because you hurt me." She whispered back. 

"Baby I'm sorry and I love you" he said, stroking her hair out of her eyes. 

"I'm sorry for making you jealous Finn, but really I've only talked too Bellamy for like 5 minutes in total." she said. 

"I know baby," he murmured kissing her one more time

Looking at the time she realised if she was going to bandage herself up before work she needed to get going. Giving Finn one last kiss she peeled herself away from the bed, pain talking over what felt like every limb of her body. Trying not to moan, she pulled herself fully out of bed, looking to survey her injuries. She knew Finn didn't like her to clean her wounds in front of him, it would only make him feel worse about what he'd done. She dragged a damp cloth across her face, brushing her hair. Her clothes had stuck to her bloodied body last night and she felt like screamed as she teared them off, before throwing them in the tub to soak, pulling on her uniform and a hoody. 

Once she got to work, she followed a disturbing regular routine, she went into the backroom which was fitted with a: sofa, table with a couple of chairs as-well as sink, microwave and some counter space. Washing away the blood she took a closer look at her injuries, she saw that her legs were badly busied, her shoulder also badly injured and blood was weeping from some a particularly deep cut on her left shoulder. However the most pain came from her ribs which felt like hell and she wondered if maybe one of them were cracked, but she could move and talk so she gathered maybe just in badly hurt. She covered up the bruises on her ribs with a large white bandage pulling her tights back up to cover her legs, shrugging on a black cardigan she would be allowed to wear with her uniform. Luckily for her Finn had avoided the face as she had pleaded. 

Her boss wandered in but the scene wasn't unusual, Clarke covered with bandages with the first aid kit out and bloodied paper towel surrounding her. Her boss never really asked, occasionally Anya would ask if there was anything Clarke needed to tell her, but as normal she shook her head. She just left Clarke to it but on the plus side least she never charged her for the first aid supplies she used. The day was slow, and the hours dragged by as she waited on tables. 

After work she walked home, her bones aching, it wasn't that chilly so she took off her cardigan forgetting the bruises scattered up her arms and shoulders. As she exited the stairwell in the building, there was Bellamy with a beautiful brunette entering his apartment. As the door from the stairwell shut Bellamy turned round looking for the source of the sound, he smiled at Clarke and whispered something into the girls ears who giggled and entered Bellamy apartment closing the door. 

"Hey princess, you okay? " he said as she walked up to him, he was looking at her bruised shoulders. His eyes glazed over as he thought back to last night. 

He had watched her go in from the balcony with Finn, suddenly feeling the cold of the night, he similarly went into his own apartment. It was pretty late and he knew he should probably go to bed as he had an early audition in the morning. Milling around he wondered whether to call Octavia, deciding to text in case she was out or more likely out or more likely asleep. 

"Hey O, all settled here, hope classes are good and your not going out to too many freshmen party's, phone me whenever, I'll send you money on Friday, love Bell" 

He could hear loud bashing from next door, he guessed if the layout was roughly the same then the balcony led to their bedroom therefore, he could assume what those sounds meant. Trying to escape the noise he went into his own bedroom, startled when he heard slightly louder noises, maybe more like a person screaming. Clarke almost sounded scared, sighing he left and went into the adjoining bathroom. It's not his place to wonder about their sex lives, around 15 minutes later all the sound from next door had halted. Still a bit unsure what the fuck he just heard he drifted of to sleep. 

.   
. 

"Oh" she mumbled realising where he was looking, "Yeah some accident from work," she replied.  
"Are you sure your okay?" he asked, trying to catch her eyes but hers were darting everywhere other than his.

"I said I'm Fine, Bellamy now leave it alone. " She snapped trying to walk past him.

"Hey I'm sorry okay, I was just trying to make sure." he said softly.  
She smiled to herself, at least someone cared even if they barely knew each other, maybe Bellamy was a good person.

"It's okay, you should probably be going, your girlfriends waiting, " she smiled back.

"Oh that's Echo, she's not my girlfriend, I've been here for all of two days. I'm not that good," he laughed.

"Well have fun." she mumbled cringing as she heard what she'd implied, red seeping into her cheeks.

Bellamy laughed, cocking his eyebrow at her before heading back into his own apartment. Clarke still blushing headed into hers. She could hear the moans of the girl fill into her apartment, Echo really lived up to her name. She was definitely high pitched and obnoxiously loud and she found herself asking if Echo was faking it or if Bellamy was really just that good. 

Clarke sat down on the sofa, Finn hadn't texted to say what time he'd be home so she guessed late, seeing as she wasn't hungry yet so she turned Netflix browsing through the movies. She heard the door to Bellamy place open and shut and guessed that meant Echo had served her purpose and been disposed off. Bored and lonely she decided to do something very out of character for her. That's how she found herself knocking on Bellamy's door. Unsure if she wanted to do this, she was just about to leave when the door opened and there stood before her was a very topless Bellamy.

"Hey princess, what's up?" he asked, smirking at her blushing face.

"Hey I was wondering, do you maybe want to come and hangout, watch a movie or something?" she asked, unsure what she wanted him to answer with, this was a dangerous line she was tiptoeing. Finn could come home any minute and she'd get the biggest beating of her life, but on the other hand Bellamy was something exciting and new. A friend, since moving here all of her friends had been Finns friends too, and mostly she was just tired of sitting in that apartment alone. She just wanted a person to talk too.

"Sure." he said easily, smiling back at her grabbing a t-shirt and pulling it over his head as followed Clarke to her apartment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go that was pretty dark but next one will have a bit more fluff.  
> Let me know your thoughts.  
> 


	4. I Quit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Bellamy helps Clarke out  
> -Clarke changes jobs  
> -Finn takes Clarke to a work party but she leaves and hangouts with Bellamy instead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that the hospital but is unrealistic but its a story ahah.  
> Mentions of abuse and depression  
> Thankyou for all the support as always let me know what you think

Chp 4: I Quit

Clarke's apartment was much bigger than his own, the pieces of furniture obviously second hand - but it looked nice enough. The room they stood in was a combination of kitchen, dining room and living area. There was a door that led to the bedroom and bathroom. 

"You want a drink?" Clarke offered, going towards the fridge. "We have..." she scanned the fridge, "beer or expired orange juice." 

"A beer is perfect." he replied as she grabbed two bottles, settling next to him on the sofa. 

They scrolled through movies discussing the pros and cons of each one before finally deciding on Grease - Clarke exasperated in the process.

"Oh my god, no. You have no idea how many times my sister has made me watch this growing up." he laughed. 

"Well, then you know just how good it is." she laughed back, sinking further into the sofa. They sat in comfortable silence, the odd comment on how it was outdated or to compliment one of the actors was made. 

Having finished her beer, she stood up to get another, but immediately realised her mistake when she felt her top snag on the cushion and rise up. She heard Bellamy gasp. 

"Shit, Clarke." he said, standing up and pulling her t-shirt up further to see the full extent of her bruised back. Roughly pulling her t-shirt out of Bellamy reach as she walked briskly to the kitchen. Shocked, she didn't want anyone to see that, and not Bellamy. She tried to hold in the tears that threatened to overthrow 

"Are you going to tell me how you got those bruises?" he asked softly.   
"I'm clumsy. I fell." she blatantly lied through her teeth.

"Yeah right, it was Finn wasn’t it? Fucking bastard, that's why I heard screaming last night." he stated, looking straight into her eyes awaiting her answer. He prayed he was wrong.

"No, that wasn't what you heard. It wasn't Finn. Like I said, I fell. Bellamy, I think you should leave." she said, trying hard not to let the tears slip from her eyes. 

"Fine. Okay, you fell." he soothed her. He didn't believe it for a minute but he also knew he couldn't help her right now if he got kicked out off the apartment. 

"Let me at least clean it up. It's not like you can exactly reach it."

"Okay." she agreed quietly, trying to wipe away tears before he saw them. She silently lifted her top over her head perching on the side of the sofa.

"I'll be right back." he mumbled, the apartment door opened and shut as he left. He returned less than a minute later, with some bandages, disinfection wipes, and a cloth. 

He ran the cloth under warm water and as he returned he saw her front. The bruises were mainly covered by the large white bandage she had put on earlier. 

"Can I look?" he asked, slowly stroking the top of the white bandage. Wincing slightly, Clarke nodded, and she felt his warms hand peel off the bandage. 

"Fuck!" he nearly shouted. The bruises were blue and purple, it probably looked a lot worse than it felt.  
He ran his fingers along it and she screamed out in pain. 

"Fuck, sorry I didn't think."

"It's okay, it's not broken - just bruised. It will be healed in a couple of weeks." she stated, trying to sound calm.

"You sure?" he asked. 

"Yeah! Remember I'm a trained medical personnel." she laughed. He walked round to her back and slowly wiped the warm cloth over her bruised back, he could hear her trying to not moan out in pain. Clarke felt the warm cloth trail over her back,

"This might hurt." Bellamy said, before he ran the disinfection wipes over her bruises. This time tears flowed from her, staining her cheeks - they both knew it wasn't just from the pain. He placed the bandages over her back before walking back to face her.

"Tell me it wasn't Finn." he pleaded for the truth. 

"eh, urm" she faltered. "It won't happen again," she whispered quietly, "He was just drunk and it got out of control. He loves me."

Tears were falling quicker, "Shush it's okay." He whispered, pulling her close to him in a hug. 

"Sorry for getting emotional." She whispered into his chest. He felt her relax against him but almost immediately she was pulling away. She sat down on the sofa and Bellamy followed suit; they didn't talk, instead sat silently watching the film. 

Clarke eyelids felt heavy, and she was soon asleep. Once Bellamy realised, he paused the movie; locating a blanket, he pulled it over her before stroking the hair out of her eyes. He looked at Clarke's features that were soft and calm in her sleep and realised just how tense she was in the day. He cleared up the mess of bandages and the dirty cloth. With one last glance at Clarke he left the apartment and entered his own, his thoughts still reeling from all the revelations that evening.

When the light filtered through the apartment, eyes flitting around, she realised she was on the couch instead of her own warm bed. The events of last night came rushing back. Sitting up, her neck jolted in pain. She wandered into the bedroom, Finn was passed out on the bed. She jumped into the shower and when she exited, Finn was stirring.

"Hey you were passed out when I got home." he said smiling, 

"Yeah I was tired, sorry baby." she said, getting changed. 

"So, I've got a work party. I thought I'd bring you along." he said watching her from the bed. 

"Okay well message me what time we have to leave. I've gotta run. I'm opening this morning." She rushed out, going round to the bed giving him a quick peck before leaving. 

She wasn’t sure what compelled her to do this - and today of any day - but rather than going to work, she found herself walking to the hospital while making sure all her bruises were covered. 

She knew the hospital would take her on, after all Abby Griffin, Clarke's mother, was the world's most famous doctor or at least the most famous doctor in the USA. She had been an intern ever since she was 12, she'd assisted on more surgeries than almost any doctor. When she turned 17, she had taken her degree, skipping the training seeing as she was more qualified than nearly anyone else. She was probably one of the youngest doctors. However, she also knew that her mother would be informed as it would be updated in the system furthermore the placement of the hospital would also be mentioned.

But she missed helping people, she missed going to work and talking to other doctors and nurses. To see the look on someone's face when you tell them they can go home. Of course it came with heartbreak and patient's troubles that would follow you back at night and haunt you. She walked through the neighbourhood, it was rundown much like her building block. Violence was often and regularly you didn't particularly want to stay out after 8ish. However it wasn't the worse place in the city. The hospital and AE was a fairly small one. Walking in the fluorescent lighting, the disinfect smell brought back a flurry of emotions.

"Hello, can i help you?" the receptionist asked. 

"Hello. My name is Clarke Griffin, I was referred here 6 months ago however I deferred the job. It might still be on the system." she stated. The receptionist started typing away, before calling someone through the phone. Half an hour later, she found herself in the office of one of the supervisors. 

"Dr Griffin, I've got to say I'm a fan of you and your mother," she said smiling, "I'm hoping you've come here for a job." 

"Yes I have." She smiled back. They then went through the formalities, and they decided she would start tomorrow. Due to it being Thursday, that meant she had Friday and then the weekend off. The pay was pretty good - much better than what she was receiving at the minute.

She would be placed in the emergency ER however they were so under staffed she could be pulled into any department.   
"It's a pleasure to work alongside you, Dr Griffin." She said goodbye to Dr Diozya. She was never really sure what to say when people so much older than her payed her compliments about her work. She left the hospital smiling, she felt relieved to get back to something she knew. Something that she was familiar with. 

Realising the time, she rushed to work, hoping she wasn't that late.   
"Sorry Anya, I was running late." She apologised, quickly changing into the cafe uniform. 

"Also I'm really sorry to do this, I didn't intend for it to happen like this," Which was the truth, it hadn't been planned, but just sort of happened in the moment. "But I got a new job. I start Tomorrow but I have the day off Tomorrow and Monday so you'll have to bring in cover from Tuesday. I'm sorry for any inconveniences." She stated, hoping the response wouldn't be too bad. Anya was understanding, put out a little maybe, but Clarke knew Anya's reaction would be much better than Finn's. 

Clarke questioned if she should tell Finn before or after this 'work' party. Her mind drifted to previous parties. She'd only been to one or two since they got here. Although before when they were in Arkadia, she'd been to many parties. Her mother threw such big balls and fundraisers, dressing up in lavish party gowns with matching masks. 

God, Madi had loved them. She'd get so excited when Clarke would curl her hair and apply the smallest amount of lip gloss. Madi was only 11, 12 now. Clarke had met madi when Clarke was 15, so for 4 years now. She had met Madi's mother when she overdosed and had to be taken to hospital too. She had cared for Madi for the better part of 3 years; fed her and clothed her, Madi stayed with Clarke most of the time. Besides, her mother never really cared or was too high or hungover to worry. 

They'd dance on top of the table and eat as much food as they could. Clarke's mum tolerated her. They'd alway bail early once they'd have their fun, just to go home and watch hours and hours of Friends or some other crappy sitcom. She would drag a blanket over Madi and fall asleep holding her. She realised now that her cheeks were damp with tears. Slowly sitting down on the bench she felt herself sob. Her heart clenching, she hoped to god she made the right decision for Madi or she'd never forgive herself. 

Wiping away her tears and trying to console herself, she walked the rest of the way home in a daze. Finn was waiting, and she got dressed quickly and putting on some makeup. She couldn't have a fight with Finn, not right now. So she didn't tell him. The party wasn't far, it was crowded but Clarke knew no one but Finn. He introduced her to a couple of people before leaving her alone and getting into a in-depth conversation about work.

She mainly stayed to the edges of the room, wishing she hadn't come. She was alone again. It had become such a regular feeling that it felt normal now.   
Finn was talking to some beautiful dark haired women. 

"Oh hey. Clarke this is Raven, my editor." Finn introduced. 

"Hey. Nice to meet you, Clarke." she said smiling at her.

"Oh yeah, you too." Clarke said, shaking her hand. "Finn I'm going to go home. I'm not feeling great, but stay as long as you want." she said smiling back at him and Raven.

"Okay." he said, turning back round and laughing at some shared joke with Raven. With that she left, returning home. When she got home, she cooked up some spaghetti. Taking it, and eating it out on the balcony. 

"Hey princess."

"Hey Bellamy." she replied without turning as he sat down on his balcony.

"How was work?" he asked.

"I quit." she said bluntly, slowly turning to face him.

"Oh, why?" 

"As much as I didn't want to follow in my mother's footsteps, I miss helping people. I met some of the best people I know through hospitals." 

He nodded thoughtfully, "Change can be good." he suggested.

"Night Bellamy," she said smiling, "thank you for last night."

"You know if you ever need to talk or anything... I'm here." Clarke stepped inside her balcony, giving him a wave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I've just written Madi in she appears in chp 12.  
> Hope you enjoyed and let me know what you think


	5. He was done for

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Bellamy helps Clarke out  
> -Clarkes first day at the hospital  
> -Bellamy and Clarke hangout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone sorry its a bit late. I should really start a posting schedule. I'll let you know when I have one.
> 
> So detailed description of a panic attack, and mentions of abuse.
> 
> We pick of from last chapter, her brusies are from Finn and the injury happened I think in chapter 4.
> 
> Clarke hasn't told Finn at the start of this chapter that she quit her job at the cafe to go back to the hospital 
> 
> As always please comment what you think and any questions. 
> 
> Thanks for all the love xx

Chapter 5: He was done for

Bellamy was sitting on his balcony, when his phone rang.

"Hey O. How are you?" he asked, picking up immediately. Octavia replied, saying she'd settled down well at uni. She also liked her lectures and even made a couple of friends. They talked for about 20 minutes to catch up, and when he finished, he went inside to clear up the dishes he'd let pile up. God! Who the fuck liked cleaning dishes anyways. 

He thought about calling Echo over, or maybe Lara, or perhaps one of the 10 girls who already had given him her number. He wasn't ashamed to admit that he slept around, as it was less hassle than a relationship. Growing up, he had to juggle looking after O and his mother. He had no time for a relationship, besides they seemed more trouble than they're worth.

Anyway, it fulfilled his needs, and he never led them on. He phoned a random girl. Fuck. He should probably know her name, he had forgotten to save it on his phone. However the girl didn't seem to care, she agreed to come over in 20 mins. His thoughts instantly flew to Clarke. She intrigued him. She was different. She had depth, emotion, struggles. He wondered what she was doing right now. She'd been all dressed up coming home from a party with Finn. A little while later, after his hook up, he heard Clarke's bed bashing against the wall. He could hear Finn grunting - surprisingly not Clarke. He hadn't expected her to be quiet. 

.   
. 

The party had well and truly sucked. Clarke cleaned up her plates, getting dressed for bed. She heard Bellamy's door open and shut. Within 10 minutes she was hearing loud moans, they were different than the other night and as such presumed it was a different girl. Clarke felt wrong listening but there wasn't much way out of it, she didn't really want to go out in the cold. She was also a little ashamed how turned on she felt. Finn got home around 1 hour later.

"Hey baby. Are you feeling better?" He asked, coming to sit with her as he kissed her. He never really went slow, so it was no surprise when he quickly took off his clothing along with hers before thrusting into her fast. He pounded into her and while she preferred going slow, he definitely preferred to get on with it. The bed was bashing against the wall and Finn was groaning. She knew he was close, even if she wasn't. He ceased his movements - panting hard, collapsing onto her. She felt like she couldn't breathe, all she could smell was Finn. Appalled, she pushed him off of her. She cleaned herself up, but Finn had already passed out - taking up nearly the entire bed so again she fell into an unsatisfied sleep, half-awake, trying not to fall off the bed. 

She woke up early the next morning. Much to her horror it was barely 5am. She didn't have to go to the hospital until 8am. Groaning, she tried to pull herself from her thoughts. She really should get her shit together and get out of this fucking bed. Clarke still hadn't told Finn, but logically she hoped it wouldn't be a problem. She'd get scrubs from the hospital. When had she become this person? Shouldn't she be excited to tell Finn her news? Should she have to check everything's in order to cover her tracks and avoid a beating?

When the alarm on her phone went off she knew it was 7am and time to get going. Begrudgingly, she dragged herself to the shower hoping the cold water would wake her up or tear her from her thoughts. She realised that the water had soaked her bandages sticking them against her skin. Once stepping out the shower, she slowly peeled off the front wincing in pain, however the one on the back was impossible for her to reach. Sighing heavily, she pulled on her top. Looking through the kitchen she realised there was no coffee. If she left soon she could stop at a cafe before going to the hospital. Who could function without coffee? 

Bellamy was pulled out of his slumber by the knocking on his door. Looking over his shoulder, he saw the mass of hair from the woman next to him. Normally he didn't let his conquests stay overnight, but she'd fallen asleep before he had a chance to kick her out and he'd felt too bad wake her up. Shrugging off the cover and pulling on some pants, he opened the door.

"Hey princess, you alright?" He asked. He smiled his gorgeous smile, he was glad to see her again. 

He was standing there with no top on, and it was no secret he was pretty nice to look at. She tried hard not to blush as she glanced up at his eyes. 𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥.

"Yeah. Sorry if I woke you up. Do you have a minute to help me with something?" She asked, she doubted she had managed to conceal her blush at all. But who could blame her? 

"Sure, what do you need?" he asked back, as she explained that the bandage on her back got wet and stuck to her back, asking if Bellamy would remove it and replace it.  
Bellamy wondered why she hadn't asked Finn but it had confirmed the idea that Finn had inflicted them.

"Yeah, can we do it at your place?" He said as he tugged on his top. 

"No, Finn's there. Can't we do it at your place?" she asked. Bellamy thought back to the girl in his bed. He felt guilty admitting it - especially to her.   
What the fuck was that? He mentally scolded himself. Clarke was just a friend. 

"I kind of have a girl in here. I don't know her name and without it it's difficult to kick her out." he muttered, way more embarrassed than he should be. He felt confused over how badly it felt like he had betrayed Clarke. 

'𝘚𝘩𝘶𝘵 𝘶𝘱' he thought to himself. She was just a friend. It was a stupid crush. He'd get over it. He was not going to crush on his next door neighbour. Way too cliché.   
Clarke looked at him and burst out laughing. It drew a chuckle from himself - her laugh is contagious after all. 

"Are you going to sleep with her or any of her friends again?"

"No.. " he replied, wondering where this was going.

"Play along." She whispered in his ear as she stepped inside his apartment. 

"Oh my god, who the fuck is this Bellamy?" she said, pulling off the covers. The woman was already awake. 

"I - er..." He faltered, not really sure what to do.

"You're sleeping with someone behind my back? I've been with you for over a year and you're sleeping with her?" she shouted back, a small smile playing on her lips. Bellamy was trying hard not to burst out laughing. 

"I'm sorry! I just needed space." he bit back. The poor girl on the bed looked stunned, looking from Clarke to Bellamy. 

"I'm sorry! I didn't know he was involved." She mumbled, gathering up her clothes and slipping past Clarke in fear. 

"Once you've sorted this all out - call me!" She said smirking at Bellamy, before rushing out the door. As she left Clarke nearly fell over laughing. Bellamy too was smiling back at her.

"Oh my god. Bellamy that was so fun! I am so doing that again!" She smiled as he pulled her around so she was standing in front of him as he lifted up her top. And pulled off the bandage.

"Fuck!" She screamed as he ripped it off.

"Sorry, I'm sorry." He said, softly squeezing her good shoulder in reassurance from where he stood behind her. He went to the kitchen and placed a new bandage on her.

"Good as new, Princess." He said, pulling back down her top. When she turned around she almost looked breathless. 𝘈𝘭𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘰𝘣𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘭𝘺 𝘉𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘢𝘮𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘤𝘳𝘶s𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘕𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘺.

"Thanks." She breathed out, then as if she was collecting her thoughts she mumbled, 

"I've got to go. I need to get coffee."

"What?" He laughed, smiling warmly.

"My shift starts in like 40 minutes and I need coffee." she explained, going to the door.

"Wait, hold up!" He shouted, jogging back towards his bed and taking some clothes into the bathroom. He quickly returned, grabbing his jacket and following her out.

"You don't mind me coming right?" he checked, as he walked down the stairs next to her. He was so close - she could feel his body heat. "No, I don't mind." She replied. They made casual talk walking down the street. It felt very normal, as if they'd done it a hundred times before. 

"So you don't wear scrubs, Princess?" He asked as they entered the coffee shop. 

"I'll get them when I get to the hospital.The one thing I don't miss about working there is the scrubs. I hate wearing them." She laughed, ordering her coffee. 

"Thanks Bellamy." She said as they left. 

"For what? I only went with you to the coffee shop. You even paid for my coffee, as much as I told you not to." He said, smiling back. He wanted to brush her hair out her eyes but he couldn't. 

𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳.

"For everything." She said, leaning up and kissing his cheek. She seemed just as stunned as Bellamy and rushed out the door before Bellamy could yell anything after her. Clarke was thankful Bellamy couldn't see the red blush filling up her cheeks. What the hell had she been thinking? Clearly she hadn't been; it was almost instinct. Something she usually did before saying bye to Finn or Glass - her old best friend. She couldn't do that though - not with Bellamy. 

Her first day at the hospital was frantic. As soon as she'd got changed, two victims from a gun shooting had come in - both needing surgery. Thankfully, both survived and were in recovery. It got much slower after lunch, just a few cuts and bleeding. Just as she was about to leave, she got called back in. A stabbing had occurred, the blood was almost overwhelming. She couldn't help but think of her father, a scream of a patient drew her back into focus. "Apply pressure!" She shouted at the nurse who seemed to be stunned and was standing as still as stone.   
"He's fading, grab the oxygen." she demanded, louder this time. She didn't know what she would have done if she lost him. It was weird to think how much a death frightened her as someone working at a hospital. She couldn't cope with a death, not tonight. 

.   
. 

She changed back into her normal clothes, hoping that Finn wouldn't notice that she wasn't wearing her cafe uniform. He probably wouldn't be home. She argued her own mind, trying to ease her guilt of keeping it a secret. She knew it was wrong but for the first time in a while she felt alive. Clarke felt like herself, the self she hadn't seen for as long as she was in this new city. If she had told Finn last night then it would all be tainted with a fight that was inevitable. For once, just once, she wanted this day for herself and her happiness. 

She arrived home around 6pm unsurprisingly a lot later than her old job. She started dinner straight away, hoping that Finn didn't come home in the middle of her rush. She dished her serving out and placed the remainder on a separate plate for Finn.

He still wasn't home a couple of hours later. It was unusual for Finn to be this late, where was he? Sighing, she cleaned up once again and then slumped, dejected on the sofa.   
𝘞𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘭 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦?  
She felt like she always came last; she was never Finn's priority. Just like normally she was sitting there upset and alone, with Finn nowhere to be seen. 

She heard a knock on her door. She wiped her cheeks gently, checking her reflection in the mirror before going to open it. Not that it mattered much, it was too dark to see anything clearly. 

"Hey Bellamy." She weakly smiled, trying to replicate her usual grin; failing miserably.

"Hey Clarke. I was wondering if you wanted to hang out," he looked up, noticing her glossed over eyes, "but you seem busy..." 

"Oh no, it's fine! Come in." she said slowly.   
𝘔𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦.   
Bellamy could see she had been crying. Her mascara gave it away, let alone the ghostly look in her eyes as she lost focus. 

They sat down on the sofa watching Friends. She didn't mean to but she couldn't stop thinking about Madi. Friends was one of their favourite shows to watch together. Tears spilled a little down her cheeks. She wiped them away before Bellamy saw. Clarke dwelled in her thoughts, not even watching the show anymore. God, they'd probably argued more about whether Rachel and Ross were on a break than anyone else. Before she could react and stable her mind again, she was hunched over sobbing. Her heart ached.

"Hey princess. Clarke." he encouraged her to look at him.

She felt like she couldn't breathe or that there was a large elephant on her chest, her vision went blurring and all she could hear was Madi crying out for her over and over, she'd let her down, she'd hurt her and it was more than her heart could take. Tears were rolling freely down her cheeks now, she was gulping for air. 

"Clarke. Clarke, deep breaths. Can you hear me? It's Bellamy." He repeated to her slowly but her eyes were elsewhere else. It was like she was stuck in a nightmare. He could see her physically shake. Her breathing was coming short and quick as she was still sobbing. She felt like she was drowning in emotions, her heart was beating faster and faster. Trying to be logical, she evened out her breathing. 

"Clarke, look at me, can you hear me?" he said from where he was kneeling in front of her, his gaze heavy on her. 

She came back to her senses, "Bellamy," She breathed out finally, looking him in the eyes.

"Clarke, are you okay?" He said slowly, his hands clutching each side of her face.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm feeling better." She said slowly as she pulled her face away from his hands.   
𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵.  
Standing, she went over to her sink pouring herself a glass of water - steading herself against the counter top. 

"Clarke, what wrong?" Bellamy whispered, still standing by the sofa.

"I'm sorry I scared you Bellamy. It was a panic attack. I'm okay now, I get them sometimes." She explained, walking back over to the sofa. He noted that she hadn't stopped shaking.

"Why do you get them?" He asked gently as he joined her next to the sofa.

"I uh - I lost someone who I was close to. They didn't die, I just lost them from my life and I'll never forgive myself for doing that." She said slowly, looking up at him. 

"I'm sorry." He replied, turning sideways and pulled her into his arms, hugging her. Her head lolled against his chest. She let herself lie there in his arms longer than she should have, but she couldn't convince herself to pull away. She did though when she heard his stomach growl. 

"You haven't eaten?" She asked smiling up at him. 

"No, I wasn't hungry earlier." He replied smirking down at her. 

"What do you want?" She asked, standing up from the sofa, 

"Clarke, you don't have to make me dinner." He said from where he sat. In the end Clarke won their little argument and boiled some spaghetti while they talked about their day. Clarke told him about the hospital and how much she enjoyed her first day. They both sat down at the table as he ate the spaghetti and it striked Clarke how domestic this scene was. This should be Finn opposite her making her laugh and smile, talking about their day. So why did it feel so right with Bellamy? After dinner they sat back down on the sofa chatting easily. It was around 9pm when Finn walked in.

"Hey Finn." Clarke said smiling, pulling herself away from where she was sitting cross legged facing Bellamy. 

"Hey man." Bellamy said looking up at him   
.   
Finn smiled before going over to the beer,   
"Want one?" Finn asked, nodding at Bellamy. 

"No I'm good, I'm gonna go." He said, pulling himself up from the sofa. 

"Bye Bellamy," Clarke said. 

"Bye Prin-Clarke. I'm glad you had a good first day." He said, not catching Clarkes grimace as he left. Clarke quickly looked over to Finn. He was furious. His eyes tore into her scared face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh.  
> Next chapter is dramatic hopefully I'll have it up in the next 5 or 6 days.  
> Let me know what you think, I'll reply to all comments 💖


	6. We're not anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -massive argument with Finn  
> -Bellamy and Clarke aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its been so long but I've decided to post every Friday. Also I've decided to post two today if you guys want so let me know and I can post another one tonight.  
> 
> 
> Description of abuse and selfharm.

Chapter 6- We're not anything 

She sat there trying to level out her breathing, as she watched him thump his hands down on the counter top, she hadn't heard Bellamy’s door open so she guessed he'd gone out which she was thankful for at least he wouldn't overhear what was coming next. 

"Wanna explain that?" he said standing at the counter. Well here goes nothing she thought.

"I'm so sorry Finn, I should of told you, it just happened so fast and I knew you would disapprove," 

"Did fucking what Clarke" he said slamming his beer down. 

"I quit my job and I'm working back at the hospital" 

"Fuck Clarke" he shouted, walking towards her. 

"I'm so sorry Finn but I was miserable there and helping people today, it felt so good, like normal" she tried to explain. 

"Great Clarke, that's fucking fantastic, you didn't even fucking ask, cause your a bitch," he growled. 

"I didn't realise I had to ask for permission Finn, I know I should've told you, but asked, Jesus." she was hurt by his constant need to objectify her. 

"Yes you bitch, you should of fucking asked me. It affects me too, what the hell are we gonna do this month for money, your other job paid every week this job I'm sure pays once a month, you have to check with me because I'm your boyfriend and I thought you loved me" he snapped, grabbing her shoulders. 

"Finn, you don't pay for anything, you get paid per job yet the money never goes into the joint account, I pay for the rent and the food and then you go and blow the rest of our cash at the bar. What the fuck do you pay for Finn? Maybe this month you can sort out the fucking finance. I know I should've checked and I truly am sorry Finn, but you can't do this every time I upset you, I love you Finn and I'm not sure what more I can do to prove it" she sighed exasperated. 

"You can stay fucking silent you bitch" he said as he flung her across the room, stamping on her legs, before kicking her in the stomach a couple of times. 

"I'm in charge here Clarke, I can do whatever the fuck I want with my money, don't put that on me, you pay the rent and the food to make me happy, to show you love me," he walked over to the fridge pulling out all the items and carry them over to where she lay trembling on the floor, putting the items on the counter. 

"Here we go Clarke all for you," he said, holding the juice before tipping it over her throwing the bottle at her, next came the milk, and then he lobbed the cheese, butter and pasta sauce at her head. Last he picked up the beer bottle. 

"Clarke your lucky I love you, you do everything to aggravate me, yet here I am, no one else would love you, you know that right. No one would believe you" he said angrily before throwing the beer bottle at her, glass splintering all over her, she screamed sharply out in pain, and Finn seemed to snap out of his trance. 

"Shit" he mumbled, looking at Clarke laying there covered in glass on the floor before rushing out the apartment slamming the door shut. 

Clarke laid there on the floor trying to gather her wits, but she just felt defeated and empty. She knew he was right, no one would love her, she thought bitterly not after the things she'd done. She went through the motions of cleaning her wounds, which were mainly small cuts and some bruises, before cleaning up the mess on the floor. Feeling her hair mattered and sprinkled with glass, she stood under the shower head. There was a little cut on her face from her eyebrow down over her cheek. She knew she should have felt pain, anger, sorrow, anything but she didn't, she felt nothing at all. 

The water must of eventually of turned cold but she didn't really notice, sinking down into the bath rug she grabbed her razor, if Finn saw what she was going to do he'd kill her, but in the moment she needed to feel something smashing the razor until it broke she took out the blade pulling roughly against her skin on her stomach in her side up over her hip until it drew blood. 

Pain ripped through her body having the sought after effect, so she went again, soon 20 angry cuts were weeping, and she stopped, dragging herself to mirror ashamed. The bed felt like normal; empty and cold, she heard Bellamy and some girl through the wall but she must have passed out at some point because the next time she opened her eyes it was light outside.

Panicking that her alarm didn't go off she grabbed her phone, 15 miss calls from Finn and 2 from her mother, settling back down it dawned on her it was Saturday. Finn was passed out beside her, she assumed the calls were either apologising or checking where she was. 

It had just gone 7 but Clarke had always been a morning person, dragging herself out of bed she pulled on some yoga pants and top. Pulling all the dirty washing from the floor and bathroom she put them into her laundry basket. She might as well get her chores done before Finn woke up maybe that would make him happy, that is all she wanted, for Finn to smile again and look at her the way she used to. 

She surveyed the carpet and while it was mildly tinted orange form the juice you couldn't really tell. Checking her bank account she also got some shopping bags she probably needed to go shopping.

Her body ached and her hair felt like it needed another wash but apart from that she felt okay, she knew that she shouldn't let Finn treat her like this but she knew he loved her and that she loved him. Love was all about compromise and forgiveness, you have to live with them at their worst, and she did, she argued that his actions proved his love, if he didn't care about what she did that would be worse it is because he cares so much.  
She trudged downstairs into the laundry room, placing her washing basket on one washing machine and pulling her clothes into another separating the lights from the darks. 

"Hey princess" Bellamy said walking into the room he had all his clothes piled in his arms. 

"Hey Bellamy, you good?" she asked as she went and took some of Bellamy clothes out his arms.

"Yeah I'm good, thank you" he said. She finished sorting her clothes. 

"What the fuck is that Clarke? " he asked angrily at her. Unsure she looked down and saw that her top was stuck to her cuts the blood seeping through. 

"Oh nothing it's fine" she said turning away from him to level out her breathing as she turned on her washing machines. 

"That's not nothing Clarke." he said stepping towards her, "Let me see" 

"No Bellamy for fucksake" she shouted, "I said I'm fine leave me alone" she said stepping back. Panic over coming her entirely. 

"Clarke please show me, let me help" he asked gently. She was so angry, more at Finn and at life in general, than Bellamy, she knew he would help her, like before but she couldn't let him be drawn in to all her pain. 

He couldn't keep saving her not every-time, it wasn't fair. When Bellamy was around she was so confused on what she needed, what she deserved. Finn was her everything and she couldn't keep doubting him, his love. It wasn't fair on Finn, herself or Bellamy. 

"No Bellamy," she said strongly stepping away from him and walking towards the door, 

"We are not friends, we're not anything, stay out of my business actually screw that stay out of my life Bellamy" 

"You don't mean that" he started walking towards her. 

"Yes I do, Bellamy stay away from me" she sneered, she could see the hurt reflect back in his eyes, she blinked back her own tears and she turned away from him, she was hurting and maybe she just wanted to hurt someone back, to have someone feel the pain she feels everyday.

She wiped her eyes before entering her apartment, Finn was still passed out. Taking her phone she decided if she was already upset she might as-well phone her mother not like her day could be ruined anymore. 

"Hey mum, how are you?" she asked through the phone. 

"Clarke you went back to the hospital, I'm so pleased it means you coming back to your old self, I bet you'll be home soon" she joked. 

"Yes mum I'm back at the hospital, very happy." 

They talked for a while longer about wedding plans and general life. 

Clarke heard Finn drag himself out of bed and to the bathroom, then throw up the remaining of his stomach. Grabbing a glass of water she went to find him. 

"Here you go Finn," she said softly as he sat back and she cleared up the mess, 

"What can I do to help Finn" she sighed as she sat down next to him. 

"Nothing just stay with me" he mumbled his head in hands. 

"Finn don't worry okay, about last night we're good, I just don't want you to be sad. I'm sorry for what I did and I deserved everything you did okay, you don't have to feel bad" she sighed begging him to look at her. She placed a hand on either side of his face and kissed his forehead. 

"Thank you Clarke, I love you" he mumbled, pulling her down. She sat back down next to him wondering if this time would be different, maybe this time everything would change, Finn would stay at home, be more caring. They moved into the living room for a while and watched some TV but around 2ish Finn got a phone call and took it out in the hallway. 

It was about 20 minutes later when he returned, "Hey baby I gotta go work emergency, don't wait up, I'm going for drinks after." he said kissing her cheek. She pottered around for a couple of hours she could hear Bellamy out on his balcony, she wanted nothing more than to go and talk to him and she nearly did before she remembered how horrible she was to him, that she lost her only friend, tears rolled down her eyes as she sat down inside her bedroom facing the balcony door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you guys think, let me know and I'll try to respond, do you want another chapter today. 
> 
> So just a disclaimer: I do not believe in Clarkes thoughts, e.g. How no one would belive her or anything like that. It's just because of the toxic abusive relationship she's in.
> 
> Please if you are affected by any of these problems tell someone or reach out.


	7. She looked broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Clarke and Octavia meet  
> -Cute Bellarke  
> Descriptions of physical abuse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers (7*13) skip to story to avoid  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> So I can't belive 7x13 episode I was in shock and in tears. If you haven't watched it, skip to the start of the story.  
> I haven't fully collected my thoughts but I'm overwhelming sad and angry. I'll never stop shipping them. If you guys want to hear more about my thoughts on 7x13 let me know and I'll post them at the start of next chp  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> Spoilers over
> 
> I'm so sorry I'm shit at sticking to uploading schedules but on the plus side I've nearly written all 30 chps.  
> Let me know what you guys think. 
> 
> Descriptions of abuse

Chapter 7: She looked broken

She could just go out and apologise, but no she lashed out because she was hurting, now she hurt Bellamy. She avoided him as much as possible in the next three weeks but she missed just talking to him, or arguing over what crappy movie to watch. 

Finn had hung out with her for one day in the last three weeks, rest of the time she was alone as normal. On a more positive note she had made a friend at the hospital, Harper, she was a second year in the same department. They had gone out for a drink after work but she knew Finn would make a big deal of it, if she did it more than once that month because of money problems never mind that Finn was at the bar everyday. 

It was a couple days later, nearly 3 and a half weeks since her argument with Bellamy, they hadn't talked to each other, barely looked at one and another. It was about 9ish and Finn wasn't home yet, she knew he was gonna be drunk and so she wandered around cleaning the apartment and doing as many jobs as possible before he got home to try to not to set him off. 30 minutes later he stormed in clearly furious. 

"What the fuck" he shouted slamming the door shut, making Clarke tense from where she sat on the sofa.

"Hey babe you okay?" she asked standing up. 

"My card got declined, I told you not to take that fucking job" he shouted loudly walking towards her.

"I...er..urm. I'm sorry. I haven't spent anymore more money than usual Finn and we did talk about it, I said you might have pay more for yourself this month and then I'll top up the joint account next month, I promise"

That seemed to do it for him, all logical answers fleeing for him as he grabbed her roughly by the hair pulling her down to the floor. Before punching her over and over, she tried to shield her face as he pummelled her before grabbing the glass of the coffee table and smashing it again her face. She screamed out in pain, the glass had splinted just above her eyebrows, she blinked hard but all she felt was pain, it was possible there was a bit of glass stuck in her eye. She could still feel blood gushing down her face. Finn took one looked and started, almost snapping out of a dream state. 

"Clarke I'm so sorry, I" but she cut him off.

"Just leave, Finn" she shouted up from the floor, she didn't want to cry out in front of him, so she stayed there expecting him to leave instead he went ahead and sat down on the bed. Clarke laid there motionless for a while trying to gather her thoughts. She didn't want to go and sleep in bed with Finn, she was furious, he'd just beaten her up for no reason. She knows he was still mad about her not telling him about the job change but she couldn't forgive him right away and just pretend everything's okay. 

She needed some time, normally she had that, Finn would leave and go drinking and she could think through everything and be more calm when he got home. She pulled herself up, wincing in pain, she didn't want to go through the bathroom where the mirror was because Finn was still sitting on the bed waiting for Clarke presumably to make up which would involve Finn trying to sleep with her. 

As she shakily stood up she knew she had to get out of there, but she had nowhere to go. Furthermore she probably still had glass in her hair and she was bleeding all down her face as well as being severely bruised everywhere. Grabbing her phone she knew there was only one thing to do, she just prayed he'd open the door after all the shit she'd said to him. 

When the door opened it was a girl with glossy black hair tied up with a red ribbon.

"I'm sorry, didn't know Bellamy had company" she said starting to turn but the woman grabbed her arm.

"Wait your bleeding , are you okay?" she asked. She heard Bellamy shout out to the women and ask who was there.  
When he walked out the door he physically paled as he gasped. She knew what she looked like, a bloodied mess probably coated in glass and bruises all over her face and exposed skin.

"Fuck Clarke, where the hell is Finn? I'm gonna kill him" he shouted storming towards her. 

Clarke broke down in tears, "I'm so sorry Bellamy, all the things I said to you. I was so horrible" she sobbed. 

Bellamy stopped in front of her before pulling her into a hug as the women stood by them. Clarke sobbed into his shirt as Bellamy pulled her closer wrapping his arms around her back. After a while Bellamy pulled away and tilted Clarke's head to look up at him. 

"Hey it's okay, don't worry about it." he said, smiling as he shut the door behind Clarke and going to get some cloth.

"Bell, want to introduce us?" the girl called from where she stood by the door.

"Oh yeah" Bellamy said as he went to stand next to Clarke, 

"This is my sister Octavia, and this is Clarke my friend" Clarke smiled back at Octavia, 

"Your his sister, I've heard so much about you" she said as Octavia pulled her into a hug. Looking between them Octavia said she would go pick up some food. Bellamy thanked her and pulled Clarke down onto the sofa.

"You want to tell me what the hell happened?" he asked again and he slowly pulled the wet cloth over her face.

"I don't want to talk about it," she said, tensing when he went over a particular place. He tilted her face up slowly as he ran his thumb over the cut by her eyebrow.

"Clarke I think I need to take you to the hospital, have you seen it, it's pretty bad princess," he said softly knowing the argument that's going to follow. 

"Bellamy please, I don't want to go to the hospital. I haven't looked, let me see in the mirror and I'll let you know if I need stitches" she said pleading with him.

"Whatever you say Dr Princess" he said laughing as he led her past his bed, to his bathroom. Clarke tried to not react when she saw herself she didn't want Bellamy to overreact.

"Oh it's nothing Bellamy, maybe it needs a plaster at best" she said trying to smile, but they both knew it probably would benefit from stitches but she would live. Bellamy could tell she was lying but she also knew he shouldn't push her. He slowly dragged his hand down her hair but pulled it away abruptly as his hand felt the glass.

"He threw a glass at you," he gasped anger clearly seething,

"Do you have a brush, it'll wash out in the shower" she said but knew instantly she made a mistake.

"How do you know that Clarke," he fumed, "This isn't the first time is it," he asked, the look on her face confirmed it and before she knew it he was charging out of the apartment.

"Fuck" Clarke thought this is going to be a train wreck. Thankfully as he teared open his door Octavia was walking back in.

"Hey Bellamy stop" she said grabbing his arm.

"Bellamy just let it go" Clarke tried and eventually he relaxed under octavia grip and came back inside the apartment. Clarke was unsure what to do, she didn't want to be a pain or stop them from hanging out.

"I can go" she started as she stood up but Bellamy grabbed her arm, 

"Clarke, you can't go back there. Just take a shower and then we'll assess if you need to go to the hospital" he said slowly, she looked at him for a couple of moments before nodding.

"Okay" she agreed, he stood up and got her a towel and his hair brush. He led her towards the bathroom out of earshot from Octavia, 

"Clarke was it just your face because if it is not I can help you put bandages on them, no questions asked" he said softly. She looked so broken she slowly tugged up her top and Bellamy gasped. 

"Fuck" he exhaled as he saw the extent of her injuries, he looked over each injury gently running his fingers over them and Clarke involuntary felt a warmth spread through her, but she told herself it was nothing, she was just thankful to Bellamy for caring for her.

"I..er" she started as she pulled away from his touch scared he'd see the cuts on her hips. "I'll take that shower now" she said trying to smile but it didn't reach her eyes, he smiled back before leaving her and going to talk to Octavia.

He sat down knowing what was coming.

"Princess huh," she asked laughing.

"Yeah she's my friend O, sometimes friends have nicknames" he said laughing.

"Yeha, yeah whatever you say" she smiled, "Is she okay? She looked pretty banged up?" she asked. 

"Er" he wasn't sure what to say, to be honest he didn't particularly know all the details but he felt it wasn't his place to say,   
"She'll be fine," he said, smiling back at her.

"So friends right," Octavia teased smiling.

"Yeah, just Friends O, she has a boyfriend" he answered, "You don't mind her crashing here do you" he asked.

"Of course I don't Bell, she seems nice" she said. He knew she wouldn't mind, it was Octavia, she was one of the kindest people she ever met. Clarke appeared in a towel about 20 minutes later and Bellamy stood up grabbing the bandages and Savlon, he gave her a minute as she put on her underwear and shorts. He soothed her back as he patched her up. He knew he should probably insist on taking her to a hospital but he didn't want to push her right now. 

She whimpered a couple of times but apart from that it wasn't as bad as she expected. After he was done she went to put back on her top but she could see it was embedded with glass shards, clearly Bellamy saw it too as he went over and got a t-shirt from his wardrobe for her. Something twisted deep inside of him seeing Clarke in his top, pushing it aside he looked back at her, she looked wrecked, it was nearly 10ish at this time.

"I should go back, Bellamy. Finn will get mad and I don't want to intrude on your time with Octavia" she started, Bellamy couldn't believe what he was hearing, surely she didn't want to go back. What the fuck did she see in him, he'd just beaten her up, treated her like crap, how couldn't she see that she deserved better.

"Hey, hey, you're not intruding and you're not going back tonight Clarke no way, I won't let you and I'm pretty damn sure octavia will tackle you if you try to leave and bombard you with questions," with that Clarke let out a laugh. She knew she should go back and forgive Finn, make up with him, but she felt so safe. She nodded her head and he smiled back at her.

"You hungry?" he asked, she said she was, so they went and sat on the sofa with Octavia eating the pizza she had brought. They were soon into a regular rhythm and it felt like they had all been friends for years, they watched Friends and Brooklyn 99 for a while before O started to drop off to sleep. They had talked all about Octavias college and fitness course she was studying. Clarke instantly took to her and found herself laughing along with her, joining in bullying Bellamy with his sister. Clarke looked over and could see Octavia was nearly asleep. 

Bellamy chuckled at her as he turned off the TV and grabbed a blanket to cover his sister up with. Clarke followed him into his bedroom a bit unsure what to do.

"Hey you take the bed and I'll crash on the floor" he suggested sensing her discomfort.

"Bellamy I can't kick you out of your bed" she laughed as she took a blanket and pillow out of his wardrobe and laid down on the floor. Unsure Bellamy reluctantly laid down on the bed. He laid there for a while trying to gauge if she was asleep.

"Bellamy" she muttered softly and he guessed he had his answer.

"Yeah" he answered,

"I like O, she seems nice" she said softly.

"I'm quite fond of her," he laughed. 

"I wish I had a sibling, you know someone to always rely on" she whispered from where she lay on the floor. While the weather was pretty warm in the day it got quite cold at night.

"Hey you cold" he asked, seeing her pull the blanket closer around her.

"A bit" she replied,

"Seriously take the bed Clarke" he said, Clarke stood up and flopped down on the bed next to him, Bellamy stood up ready to sleep on the floor but Clarke arm darted out resting on his, 

"Bellamy you don't have to sleep on the floor, we can just share" she said quietly.

"You know having siblings aren't always that great" he said.

"No" she mumbled sleepily.

"They run away and you gotta go find them, they do shit and blame it on you, but I guess in one way they are pretty awesome" he whispered softly. Clarke felt tears roll down her face as she sobbed quietly.

"Hey what's wrong?" he asked, turning over so they were facing each other not the ceiling.

"Hey, hey," he said, shushing her, stroking the side of her face.

"I let Madi down, I fucked up and I don't know if I will ever forgive myself." she sniffled. She don't know what particularly brought it on, I guess talking about family but she couldn't seem to control the tears she knew Bellamy must of been confused, she'd never talked to him about Madi but he let her cry as he stroked her face softly, after a while she must of drifted of to sleep because when she opened her eyes she was alone in Bellamy’s bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always let me know what you think.  
> Next chp should be up soon


	8. Popcorn--Best idea ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Octavia bond which results in them getting drunk and Bellamy takes care of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes another chp still not over 7x13 and not sure I'll ever be  
> .  
> . 
> 
> -Implied abuse and aftercare.  
> -descriptions of abuse and dubious sexual consent.  
> -also lots of cute bits  
> Let me know what you guys thought.

Chapter 8: Popcorn- best idea ever  
.  
She woke up taking a second to gather her bearings before wandering into Bellamy kitchen. 

"Morning Princess" he said smiling to her, octavia was still passed out on the couch.   
Checking the clock she realised it was 7.15 her shift started at 9 so she had to be there at 8.30ish. 

"Scale 1 to 10 how banged up do I look" she asked, gliding past him to grab a coffee. 

"Easy 6, 3 if you've got makeup" he said laughing at her. 

"Got it" she said smiling back, "I'm so sorry about last night, all of it. I'm sorry I turned up and ruined your night with your sister, then I steal half your bed and then start crying about Madi" 

"Hey no worries, I’m just sorry this happened in general. You know if you need anything, muscle, somewhere to crash or someone to talk too, I'm here. And you don't snore FYI." he said.

She smiled back, "Thanks Bell, but I got it. I need to shoot, I've got a shift at the hospital but talk tonight on the talk tonight on the balcony?" she asked, it took her a second to register she had called him a nickname. Bellamy also seemed slightly startled before he pulled himself together and nodded. Octavia shouted bye from the couch. 

"Nice to meet you Octavia" she shouted back, as she lent up and kissed Bellamy on the cheek before rushing out the door and back into her apartment. It dawned on Bellamy that was the second time shed done that, and so naturally it spread a warmth through him. 

Luckily Finn was still passed out, she grabbed her scrubs, and quickly put on some makeup before rushing out the door, grabbing another coffee at the cafe on the way. Harper asked if she was okay and motioned to her injuries, she just replied that she had an accident, everyone else couldn't really tell or just didn't bring it up. Her day passed quickly and she grabbed some shopping on the way back, her first check should be coming into her bank any day, hopefully that would make Finn feel better. She thought back over last night at least Bellamy had forgiven her, I guess that was one positive. 

She knew Finn would be very sorry, and hopefully he'd get home before 8 and they could talk it over and make it right. She made some home made pizzas when she got home, and Finn was home at 7ish, which she was thankful for. 

"Hey finn," she said as he wandered in.

"Hey baby, I was so worried about you last night, you didn't answer my texts, you just left," he said softly, walking up to her. She let him hug her, as he whispered apologies into her neck. He started kissing along his neck, and while she accepted his apologies she didn't exactly feel in the mood to sleep with him. 

"Hey dinners nearly ready," she said pushing him away gently kissing him softly on his lips. 

While he looked dejected he accepted it, sitting down on one of the chairs. They shared their pizza and while sometimes tense it was a good dinner, he said he had to go out at 8, they roughly had 15 minutes so Clarke just sat on the bed as he got ready, and kissing her goodnight he told her not to wait and left. 

Clarke was getting used to the feeling of being alone. After a while she wandered out to the balcony wondering if Bellamy was out yet and thinking about him made her smile, maybe she wasn't as alone anymore as she used to be.   
Bellamy must have heard her sliding door because he got out seconds after Clarke.

"Hey princess" he said smiling. They fell into easy conversations, he asked about her work, and she gave him a quick debrief of some of the patients. 

"Oh hey, who's Madi by the way, you don't have to tell me but you got pretty upset about her last night" he asked looking over at her. He could see her tense, eyes immediately gloss over with regret. Without thinking about it he clambered over his balcony and over the 1m gap.

"What the fuck are you doing" she laughed as she grabbed onto Bellamy arm to steady him, as he clambered over hers, hugging her closer they sat back on the floor his arm wrapped around hers. 

"She's I don't really know how to explain it. I guess my sister. She came into my life when she was 8 and I was nearly 16, I helped her mum out at the hospital. A year later when I was 17 her mother relapsed into drugs and alcohol and I guess I kind of took her in, made dinner for us and she'd crash at my house most days, cause I lived in an apartment alone at that point. I'd take her to school, make sure she'd do her work. I guess I was like the only parent figure in her life, I took her to fancy balls that my mum threw and while she didn't like that I'd taken Madi on, she always invited her to family events. I thought that would be my life, looking after Madi and I was happy and content with that. Finn wasn't particularly happy, always jealous when I spent time with her over him and he was pressuring me to move to New York with him. I told him I couldn't leave her and that was true but then all shit came loose and I got the police called on me and there wasn't much I can do, I couldn't see Madi anymore so I decided it was best to just leave I didn't need the constant reminder of her, so me and Finn moved here." she finished exhaling taking in a couple shaky breaths. 

"Hey I'm so sorry Clarke, seems like you two were more than close, I can't imagine not being able to see O. I raised her since she was like 9 and I'd be heartbroken" he replied kissing Clarkes forehead. She pulled away, returning to her apartment and grabbing two beers, handing one to Bellamy. 

"Underage drinking are we princess" he laughed clicking their bottle together.   
"The day I had, if I was back home I'd be doing more than just drinking" she said smiling. 

"Do tell," he laughed.

"My friends Monty and Jasper, they how do I word it, maybe made and sold some illegal substances and while not into hardcore drugs would smoke some weed every know and then after a hard day"

"Wow never pegged you for a bad girl" he said laughing as she smiled. 

"So where's Octavia tonight?" she asked, finding her beer. 

"Where’s who?" Octavia shouted walking about into Bellamy’s apartment. 

"There you are," Clarke smiled back. 

"Yeah I want to talk to you" she laughed, Clarke pointed at herself and when Octavia nodded, Bellamy jumped back to his apartment and gave them some privacy. 

"Do I have to jump?" she said smiling, Clarke shook her head laughing back. She seemed to do a lot of that since meeting Bellamy.  
Octavia proceeded to ask her if she wanted to go shopping tomorrow and seeing as it would be Saturday Clarke agreed. 

She was excited to go out with someone her age. They decided to meet up at 10 ish, Clarke was hoping Finn would still be passed out so she can have the argument after she got back not before she went shopping. After a while Octavia said she was going in too sleep, Clarke sat out there for a while longer finishing Bellamy’s beer he had left, she heard Finn come in, so leaving the beer bottles on the balconies to be dealt with when he was next out, she went inside. 

Finn was drunk but luckily too out of it to ask much about her evening, Finn grabbed her roughly in the hips kissing her what she can only presume he was going for passionately. She kissed him back as he pushed her onto the bed. Finn never felt the need to go slow, and today was no exception as he pulled off her leggings and underwear. Finn also never felt the need to get her off with her fingers or mouth. He shoved himself into her as he groaned, going quickly he pumped into her. Clarke could feel him pulsing inside of her and knew he was close, he was pushing harder into her, while Clarke couldn't say it felt bad it also didn't feel that great, with no extra stimulation she knew she wasn't going to get off. She pulled one of her hands down to her clit, but before she knew it Finn was moaning loudly and pushed in harder, and she could feel him cum, before he pulled out.

"Night baby" he said kissing her. She didn't know if he cared she hadn't got off or just not realised. She wasn't sure whether to go into the bathroom and finish herself off but to be honest Finn hadn't even got her that aroused. So she quickly went to pee before setting her alarm and drifting of to sleep.

She woke up earlyish, but was pleased when Finn didn't stir, she knew there would be an argument about her going out with a friend but she decided that doing it after would probably better, that way it wouldn't taint the day. After her shower and coffee she remembered to check her account, pleased when she saw the money had gone in. She transferred most of it into the joint account, keeping the rest for her run ins at the cafe each morning and her shopping trip today. Noticing the time she downed some more coffee before leaving a note for Finn

"Gone shopping with a friend, spur of a moment thing, be out till late. Just transferred money into joint account if you want to go out. Text you later love Clarke"

She knocked on Bellamy's door just as Octavia rushed out of it, 

"Bye Bell" Octavia shouted over her shoulder as she slammed the door.

"Hey you ready?" Clarke asked. She didn't get much of an answer, but Octavia walked ahead quickly to the end of the stairwell. They walked about 20 minutes until the town centre. Something about Octavia’s energy just drawed her in, she was hyper, energetic but passionate. They talked about her uni course and stopped in staples so she could pick up some supplies before they went window shopping.

It was a little while later and Clarke collapsed onto the plastic chairs as Octavia brought over their food and drinks.

"So what do you wanna do after lunch?" Octavia asked.

"Not sure" she said smiling, in the end they decided to do some more window shopping. Accidentally she let slip that she had a work gala to go to in a month and a bit.   
Big Mistake. Octavia was almost animated from that point, pulling Clarke into every store and shoving dressed in her face to try on. Giggling she came out of the stall in a floor length red dress with a sweetheart neckline.

"Wow just wow" Octavia said laughing.  
"I look like I'm wearing a curtain, Octavia" She laughed. Octavia erupted into giggles almost falling off her chair. Deciding this probably wasn't the best, they looked in lots of different stores.

"So you bringing your boyfriend?" Octavia asked, handing her a myriad of dresses.

"Maybe, he probably won't come, he hates those kinds of things. Not that I'm that obsessed with them." she said walking into the dressing room

"Sounds like a dick, not going to lie" Octavia mumbled through the curtain. Clarke didn't have it in her to tell her off, Instead she just laughed.

"Don't sugar coat it for me then" she said, pulling on another dress. It was black but in certain lights a sparkly blue, with see through lace and a plunging neckline, there was a slit up one leg, and it hugged all the right places showing off her rather impressive cleavage.

"That's it, you look fucking stunning Clarke" Octavia stated rather excitedly explaining how she should do her hair and makeup. Octavia had an impressive skill of making Clarke buy lots of things she didn't need. By the time they left the shopping center she had a whole collection of things including her dress. They started heading home walking into the local supermarket to pick up stuff for dinner.

Together they gathered various food items putting them into the basket before Octavia lobbed in a couple of cheap wine bottles and some beer.  
"Hey, who here needs alcohol?" Clarke asked, starting to take out the alcohol O put in.

"We do." she said, taking them back.  
"Octavia, your brother would kill us. What do you think will happen if I take his 18yr old sister back drunk" she said smiling.

"Come on, you drink all the time, you are underage too" she laughed, and Clarke could exactly deny it she'd drunk beer outside with Bellamy as octavia watched on yesterday.

"And Bellamy did much worse at 18 than just drink, I reckon he should lighten up."   
Octavia continued. Clarke got caught up in her bubbly outgoing personality, she'd never really been impulsive. Laughing she paid for all the goods including the alcohol.

"Your lucky i didn't get ID'd" Clarke chuckled,

"Well if you did, just flashing them a bit of your cleavage would have sorted it" she replied, smirking as Clarke jabbed into her. Once they got back to the apartment building they took up their bags and food to Clarke apartment, luckily Finn was out. 

Grabbing the alcohol Clarke showed Octavia one of her favourite places in the whole of the city. She'd never really taken anyone there before, especially not Finn, she used it as a place to calm down after their fights, up until she guessed Bellamy, she hasn't been down there since he moved in. It was about 5 minutes away down a couple of alleyways from the building block. If you didn't know it was there you wouldn't find the spot of green in the city skyscrapers. There was a clearing, and a small lake with a wooden bridge around it was tall green blades, the grass probably hadn't been caught for years. There was a little bench and some mowed grass on the other side of the pond. It was always empty, surrounded by tall buildings and some building sites, it was also pretty private.

"The water looks so good," Octavia said running up to sit on the bridge.

"When I first moved here, I'd sit for hours looking at it. I've been in it a couple of times, it's not that deep and down that side" she motioned to the left, "It's easier to get in, not many reeds." she explained going to join Octavia on the small wooden bridge. 

They must have been there for a couple of hours, they'd polished off both bottles of wine and drank 3 and of the 6 cans. Clarke felt more warm and bubbly then she had in a month and resolutes to get drunk more often. Octavia is giggling whilst trying to tell some story about Bellamy, Clarke tries to follow along but it's not as easy as it sounds when your drunk.

"Your nothing like I thought you'd be" she spits out accidentally but too drunk to really care.

Octavia looks at her, "I'm very different to Bellamy. Not a total history nerd" she laughed, Clarke giggling along with her. 

They stayed there a little longer, laughing about funny storys they shared. Clarke felt closer to Octavia, she's never really had that many female friends. It was a little over 8 when they stumbled back to the building, it was still pretty light out. When they got up to the apartments Clarke faulted, she was probably a little too drunk for an argument with Finn, or he'd be out and she didn't want to be alone either.

"Can I stay with you?" she asked, slurring her words.

"Omg we can watch a movie" she squeals.

"I brought popcorn" she screamed, forgetting all about her worries that Finn might be home, she opened her apartment with difficulty and fumbled around till she found the popcorn and a couple of packets of chocolate.

"Omg Popcorn. Best. Idea. Ever" she shouted as they knocked on Bellamy's door.  
He took one look of them and sighed clearly drunk they could hardly stand up straight and were leaning one each other giggling about popcorn.

"Your drunk," he stated as he let them in.

"Clarke, why did you tell him?" Octavia hissed at her which caused them to both burst out laughing.

"Clarke didn't tell me it's pretty obvious" he said ushering them in as they collapsed giggling on the sofa.  
Bellamy pulled Clarke up and out of Octavia earshot. 

"You got my sister drunk, you bought alcohol and you both got wasted. Your underage" he said, trying not to sound angry. Clarke looked at him with wide eyes, 

"I'm sorry. I just, we got carried away and idk I'm sorry Bellamy" she said quickly hiccupping. Bellamy couldn't bring himself to be mad, clearly they had been in no danger and he'd done a lot worse.

"It's okay Clarke, we can talk about it later" he said and she smiled a big goofy smile at him, as she collapsed back on the sofa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chp mainly fluff, of Clarke and Bell.  
> Let me know what you thought of this chp 💖


	9. Do you think I'm broken?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Cute Clarke and Bellamy fluff  
> -Then some more series stuff, which Bellamy tried to help Clarke through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I'm so sorry, I promise I haven't abondend this fic. I hope you like this chapter. 
> 
> Detailed description of self harm and depressions

Chapter 9

Octavia scrambled for the remote as Clarke pulled on the blanket.

"Wanna watch a movie Bell" Octavia slurred, and thus followed was a 20 minute discussion which movie to watch. In the end they settled for Dirty Dancing.

"Want kinda monsters are you? You can't watch a movie without popcorn" Clarke squealed jumping up from the sofa, running to where she left the popcorn.

"I still think we should watch a history documentaries" Bellamy commented from where he was sitting on the floor.

"You just want us to fall asleep," Clarke laughed, 

"Yeah Bell you just want us to pass out." Octavia added helpfully.

"And because he is a history nerddddd" Clarke slurred.

"He is a nerd" Octavia gasped loudly pointing her finger at him.

"O why are u just repeating everything Clarke says" he mumbled.

"Cause I'm intelligent. Like super duper mad cleverer" Clarke giggled.

"Sure Clarke, mad clever" he said laughing.  
Octavia had passed out halfway through the movie. Clarke started throwing pieces of popcorn at him.

"Bell" she muttered and when he turned to look at her she hit him square in the face with popcorn. He muttered turning back,

"Bell" she whispered again and as he turned for a second time he was hit in the face with popcorn.

"Knock it off" he said sighing, but Clarke continued to chuck popcorn at the side of her face. She was trying hard not to laugh, she could see Bellamy getting close to snapping and in Clarkes happy drunk state she thought it was the funniest thing in the world. Finally he snapped, lunging forward from one side of the sofa where he was sitting and hovered over Clarke as he tickled her and she laughed uncontrollably trying to catch her breath. Her face flushed as she realised how close they were, and she tried to avoid the feeling bubbling in her gut.

"Fine, fine I give up" she giggled as Bellamy let up pulling himself back as they carried on watching the movie.  
Bellamy was watching Clarke more than the movie, her little snorts and giggles before the funny parts of the movie. Every-time Clarke looked at him he tried to play it off, smiling to himself. This was a bad idea, she was 19 and was in a very serious relationship.

"Hey this is my favourite bit" she sighed as baby was lifted into the air when they were in the river.

"Yeah" he asked, and she threw another piece of popcorn at him.

"It's just so perfect. Their love is pure, I don't know I guess I just wanted something like that." She said gently.

"Yeah that's idealised bullshit and you know it. It's about the journey, you know the rocky parts make the good parts better, as long as you respect each-other and love each-other unconditionally. I feel you can get through anything." he said slowly not realising he said it. She looked over mouth open slightly,

"I. Er yeah I guess you are right" she stuttered, looking up at him trying hard not to let her eyes fall down on his lips.

He grabbed a piece of popcorn and threw it at Clarke, snapping her out of her trance, what followed was a messy popcorn fight, Clarke was giggling as she hid behind the sofa. After a while they started getting ready for bed.

"Can I borrow a shirt?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah course" he said chucking her one which she promptly dropped.  
She quickly pulled all of her clothes but her underwear, too drunk to care or even think about Bellamy being in the room. She sat down on the floor, her back against the bed.  
Bellamy was just walking in from the kitchen with a water bottle and Benadryl. 

Clarkes eyes were glassed over tears forming at the side of her eyes, she looked up at him, 

"Do you think I'm broken? " she cried, her voice cracking. 

"No of course not Clarke." he said but her tears didn't stop, she was sobbing and Bellamy sat down slumping next to Clarke. 

"Finn thinks I'm broken" she squeaked out, Bellamy looked over at her, he put an arm around her shoulder pulling her closer. 

"Everything I do is wrong. It's like I can't make him happy anymore" she whimpered, and he pulled her closer to his chest. 

"You know people change right, it's okay, it doesn't mean you are a bad person" he whispered. 

"I think I'm a monster," she said quietly. He pulled back looking her in the eyes. 

"What?" he asked alarmed. 

"You know Finn hurts me. I don't feel anything." she cried. Bellamy confused just waited for her to continue. 

"Its meant to hurt, or feel something, anger Finns hurting me, sadness or self pity, annoyed at myself for making Finn snap. I don't feel the pain or agony. I just lie there motionless as he hurts me. I just feel empty, who's like that who gets beaten up and feels nothing, like an empty void." She said sobbing uncontrollably.

"Hey hey, you are not a monster. This is not your fault okay, you got to believe me." he said stroking her hair as her head was on his chest. 

"I cut myself" she blurted out by accident, realising she said it she pulled away from Bellamy and fled to the bathroom in tears locking the door behind her. 

Sighing, she sank down to the floor against the bathtub, her eyes sore from tears. 

"Hey princess please let me in" she heard Bellamy beg through the door. Her tears grew louder. All her emotions were too much, building up in her and she needed a release. She hadn’t meant to tell Bellamy, she didn't want him to view her differently or pity her. She grabbed his razor breaking it open, taking the blade to her hip bone. 

"Clarke, what are you doing? Open the door, or just let me know your okay" he asks quietly. She couldn't hear anything over her racing heart, as she drew blood she felt the relief of pain running through her body. Before she knew it she was cutting again deeper this time. Without warning the locked door open before she had anytime to clear up the blood or pull down her shirt, the blade still in her hand. 

"Princess, hey it's okay" he said, panicking slightly, he leant down to grab the blade from her hand. 

"Hey look at me, your gonna be okay" he said quietly as he helped her up. He grabbed the anaesthetic wipes, grabbing a large plaster and securing it over her hip.

"I'm not sure I can forgive myself," she stated. 

"For what princess" he couldn't think of a single thing to be sorry for.   
"Letting myself become this shell of a person" she whispered. 

"If you need forgiveness, fine I'll give that to you. Your forgiven okay. Please just don't blame yourself, this is not your fault" he said quietly. 

By this point Clarke was sleepy and Bellamy helped her lie down on the other hip and climbed into bed facing her.

"Promise me next time you want to cut you'll find me first, I'll do everything I can to help okay" he begged gently. It broke him that anyone could feel this way, needing a release like this, never mind Clarke who may be one of the kindest, most caring women he'd ever met.

"Okay, I'll try" she murmured, 

"Promise me" he asked.

"Yeah I promise" she agreed before drifting off to sleep.  
.   
.   
. 

"Morning Princess" Bellamy said, as her eyes drifted open. She suddenly pulled her hands over her ears, "Shush. Why are you shouting?" she mumbled. He chuckled quietly as he handed her the water and paracetamol.

"Oh fuck" she mumbled sitting up and pulling herself out of bed, steeling herself against the window frame when she moved to quickly.

"Where you going?" he asked following her.

"I thought I said shush" she murmured, grabbing some coffee. She stumbled forward and Bellamy grabbed her hips to steady her.

"Fuck" she almost shouts in agony under her hip,

"Crap I'm sorry" Bellamy says quickly trying to stop Clarke from pulling up her shirt, she clearly didn't remember cutting herself.

"Oh" she said, noticing pulling the hem of her shirt down, glancing up at Bellamy to see his reaction.

"I'm so sorry Clarke, I tried to stop you but I couldn't you ran into the bathroom." he seemed genuinely upset and for a minute she didn't realise what he meant then it struck her. He blamed himself for her cutting.  
She took his hands smiling. 

"Hey it's not your fault Bellamy, please don't blame yourself. I'm just broken" she said sadly as she dropped his hands, going to collect her clothes.  
"Clarke your not okay, everyone has shit in their life it doesn't mean your broken okay." he did softly. She leans up and gently kisses his cheek. 

"I got to get back, thank you for last night"  
Bellamy couldn't believe it, 

"Your going back. To finn, what the hell?" he said, trying not to raise his voice.

"Yeah of course he's my boyfriend" she said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Clarke. He hurt you," he pleaded.

"He made a mistake Bellamy, everyone has them and I love him not everything's easy. What would you even know about love, you just sleep around, you don't know what it takes to be in a relationship, you got to love them at their worst okay." she explained her head throbbing.

"Clarke, believe me I might not be one for relationships but no one should hit someone for control" he stated.

"I got to go Bell, thank you for everything. I'll talk to you tonight okay" she said squeezing his hand before rushing out the door.

Bellamy wasn't sure wether to follow her but he was pretty sure it would do no good.

Looking back on hers and Finn's relationship, she would probably be able to realise all the warnings, all the mistakes. How she was in a way conditioned, and manipulated, his love was something to be yearn for yet she couldn't ever reach it. She didn't feel exactly trapped, abused or in the wrong, however so consumed by her relationship with Finn she overlooked all his toxic traits taking them instead as signs of love. He got angry at Clarke because he cared what she did.

Clarke walking in too, clutching her head. It was still throbbing painfully in her hands.

"Finn" she called as she walked in but he wasn't home, drinking some more water she made it to bed before she passed out.  
When she woke up to the sound of her phone beeping she was horrified to realise it was nearly dinner time she basically slept through the whole day.

"Hey O" she said, answering the phone.

"Clarke your up, I'm just about to leave come say bye"

Clarke begrudgingly dragged herself out of bed, she was still only wearing her underwear and Bellamy top. She pulled on some shorts before going to join Bellamy and Octavia in the hallway.

Bellamy was hugging O and something in her heart ached at the sight.

"Bye Clarke" she whispered into Clarkes ear as she hugged her close.

"Kick ass at Uni" she whispered back and "I'm going to Skype you tomorrow"

Giving her one more smile she retreated back into her apartment giving Bellamy some private time with her sister.  
The weather was honestly awful and she couldn't believe Octavia bus would still be running, it was like a storm out there, she turned on the TV waiting for the weather warning that she was nearly 100% would follow. Finn wasn't home and by the looks of it hadn't been all day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay kind of rough at the end I'm sorry.
> 
> Just to clarify Clarkes mental state and her feeling towards Finns relationship is not okay or normal it's very toxic.
> 
> Thankyou for reading, as always let me know what you think.
> 
> And I promise the next chapter has more fluff it's probably one of my favourite.


	10. Never have i ever-Princess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~A storm causes Clarke to stay over at Bellamys  
> ~Drinking games with Echo, Emori, Bellamy, Murphy and Clarke  
> ~Bellamy helps Clarke through nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 updates within a week I'm spoiling u guys ♥️
> 
> -descriptions of nightmares, and panic attacks
> 
> Okay so once again I want to draw attention that this fanfic is based on @April7739 fic which is amazing, so defo go check it out.
> 
> However mine definitely diverse, It definitely gets a lot darker and I'm so excited for you guys to read Clarke and Madi dynamics which will happen within two or three chapters. 
> 
> Thankyou all for reading and let me know what you think❤️

Chp 10- Never have i ever Princess 

. 

She tried his phone but got nothing but his answer phone. At 7pm the lights went out, not only that, looking out her window she could see all of New York was thrust into darkness. The balcony door being stuck open caused an ongoing harsh breeze to continuously flow through the apartment, it was at that moment she cursed herself for not being one of those girls being into candles, she wasn't sure she even had one.

She huddled in her duvet covers on the sofa but that brought barely any warmth to her frozen cheeks. She had a streak of genius and sped to the gas stove however unfortunately the whole mains seemed to be turned off. She was relieved when Finn's name flashed up on her screen.

"Finn thank fuck, you okay"

"Yeah I'm okay Baby, but I'm stuck at the office, Have you seen the news. They reckon the storm should pass over by tomorrow." he soothed her over the phone.

"Finn, you're not on your own are you?" she asked because honestly how she felt right now scared and alone, she wouldn't wish that on anything.

"No, some people are still at the office. I'm with Raven right now" he replied, failing to remember or maybe just forgetting to ask if she would be okay though the storm, maybe he had forgotten how she felt about them, how she couldn't go through them on her own, not after the accident not after that night. They said goodbye and he hung up, she wasn't mad exactly more like disappointed, did he not care enough to check on her?

"Clarke" she heard someone shouting as they rattled on the doorknob. Pulling herself up at the blanket she realised just how cold it was with the door from the balcony stuck open she was at risk of catching hyperthermia.

Opening the door she saw Bellamy was standing there.

"Princess you look like shit"

"Jees I'm flattered." she mumbled.

"Just get your stuff and come round"

"No I'm fine" she shivered her teeth shattering.

"Fuck Clarke for once will you not argue" he pleaded.

"Okay only because my balcony door is stuck open and I don't want to die by freezing" she mumbled, grabbing her blankets.

"Freezing not on your top 5 ways to die" he laughed,

"Yeah wouldn't want to waste dying on that" she chuckled, locking her apartment up and following him inside his own apartment.

When she entered his apartment she was rather shocked to see 3 people already sitting in his apartment.

"Princess this is Murphy he works in the same bar as me and actually we grew up in the same town too. This is his girlfriend Emori and this" he seem to pause thinking it over "is echo"

"Hey it's Clarke right, we've heard a lot about you" Murphy said, smirking at her.

Bellamy went and got another blanket from his bed draping it around her shoulders.

"Yeah it's Clarke." she replied grinning.

"You look frozen babe" Echo states before wiggling closer to her and throwing her arms around her. She was slightly startled; no one had ever really been this warm and welcoming but she settled into Echo's arms as they collapsed on the back of the sofa giggling.

"Want a beer," Murphy says, handing one over to her.

"She's underage Murphy" Bellamy said intercepting it, but when she pouts he hands it over to her anyway.

"Yeah cause we didn't drink until we were 21" Murphy laughs. They fell into an easy conversation and it struck Bellamy how easily Clarke fitted into their little group. Echo and Clarke were curled up on one side of the sofa as he, Bellamy was on the other side and Murphy and Emori huddled together under a blanket on the floor.

"Let's play never have i ever." Echo says over the top of Clarkes head.

"Is that not a kids game?" Emori asked.

"Not if we take a shot every time we've done it" Echo laughs. They all agree and Murphy gives out the plastic shot glasses filling them up with Vodka.

"I'm going to get so drunk" Bellamy laughs as Emori looks on slightly worried, 

"I've haven't really done much," she mumbled, looking up at her boyfriend.

"Don't worry I can't imagine Clarke has either" he said looking her up and down not exactly in a predatory or mean way, more of a statement kind of way.

"You'd be surprised Murphy" she laughed pulling out of Echos lap and sitting down next to her between Echo and Bellamy.

"Okay you start Bellamy" Murphy states.

"Never have i ever smoked" he said, smirking at Clarke. Everyone takes a shot but Emori.

Murphy was next "Never have i ever had a threesome" he says looking at Bellamy presumably expecting him to take a shot however the only one who did was Clarke.

"Fuck I've got to hear that story" Echo laughs.

"I come off as a pretty bad person in it though" Clarke said eyes trained on the floor.

"We won't judge" Murphy states, Clarke takes another shot before starting.

"so before Finn I went to this bar and hooked up with this girl named Lexa, in the morning however her boyfriend who she hadn't come out to yet walked into her apartment and one thing led to another"

"Omg" Bellamy said laughing, "That is amazing" 

"Okay my turn," Emori said from the floor, "Never have i ever skipped school" with that there was a collection of groans as again everyone but Emori took a shot. 

"Wow I thought I was a goody two shoes" Clarke giggled. 

"Fuck me Clarke you've had the most shots, if anything your the least goody two shoes here" Murphy laughed. 

"Okay never have i ever wanted to sleep with someone here" Murphy continued grinning at Emori and she took her first shot, surprisingly everyone else also took a shot and Bellamy tried not to analyse why Clarke had taken one, she had a boyfriend and who the fuck here does she want to sleep with. 

His heartbeat increased on its own accord. 

Echo looked around "Never have i ever kissed someone the same gender as me" she said jabbing Clarke in the ribs. 

"Fuck me I'm feel targeted, I'm gonna be bloody hammered."she said taking a shot, as did Bellamy and surprisingly Emori. 

"Whoooo go Emori" Clarke shouted loudly as everyone burst into giggles. 

"Okay never have i gone skinny dipping" she said and Murphy was the only one that took a shot.

"Okay that's all of us, count how many shots we each had"

"Okay Emori had 2, I had 4" Murphy stated.

"I had 3" Echo said as she tried to help Clarke work out how many she had.

"I had 4 too," Bellamy said, then looking over at Echo and Clarke who were fumbling around trying to count on their fingers, "Worked out how many you've had princess" he said smirking.

"I've had 6, shit no 5 because of the game and 1 when I told the Lexa story" she giggled.

"I win" she laughed cheering,

"You'll be winning in the morning all right" Murphy laughed.

"Morning shit. I have a shift in the morning." Clarke said before dissolving into giggles.

"Someone's gonna be hungover" Echo teased to which Clarke stuck out her tongue wiggling it at her.

"Omg let's play spin the bottle" Emori shouted, grabbing the empty bottle of vodka and placing it in the middle of them.

Murphy span first and it landed on Echo he leant over and kissed her gently on the lips. Echo landed on Emori and then Emori landed on Clarke. Bellamy was gonna lie to himself seeing Clarke kiss someone else did something to him, maybe almost something like jealousy but he shut down any thoughts like that because they were wrong. He did not have feelings for Clarke. Watching her laugh at Emori tapping her on her nose he has to repeat the thought to himself to stop him from doing something he would definitely regret.

"Never gone happen mate" Murphy muttered into his ear, bringing him out of his thoughts.

"What" Bellamy spluttered.

"Clarke already has a boyfriend and pretty sure she's too much of a bad girl for you anyway" Murphy teased, ramming him in his side with a pillow.

"Shut it" Bellamy replied, throwing a cushion at his head.

Clarke decided she'd rather enjoyed this storm, for once she wasn't alone. She was back curled up with Echo as they were watching a film when her phone went off but Emori was too quick, grabbing it before Clarke could.

"Clarkeys Clarkeys phone" Emori slurred.

Clarke couldn't hear the muffled reply.

"You're the boyfriend right?" Emori asked giggling as Clarke made a snatch for her phone ultimately failing instead landing on top of Emori, Clarke instead tried ticking her.

"Fine. Fine" Emori laughed handing it over to Clarke, who stood taking the call onto Bellamy's room.

"Hey Finn are you okay?"

"Who was that?"

"That was Emori, she is friends with Bellamy, I'm over at his because our door to the balcony is broken" which wasn't a full lie, there door was broken but she thinks she'd probably be over here even if it wasn't.

"He fucking her" Finn crudely asked.

"Nope her boyfriend Murphy is here too and Bellamy’s friend Echo"

"Oh. Well I don't think I can get home tonight and maybe not tomorrow. I was just calling to tell you that"

"Okay. Finn I love you."

"Yeah okay" she could hear a female voice asking him something to which he replied "I'll be right there." Clarke was glad he wasn't alone. "Bye" He murmured through the phone before hanging up. Thinking nothing much of it she went and joined the rest of the gang.

"Clarke just who I wanted" Murphy said as Clarke went and sat by him laughing.

"Don't let me smoke alone," he said, holding out his pack of cigarettes.

"Of course I won't. That wouldn't be polite" she said, taking one as she sat down next to him.

"Fucksake not in here guys" Bellamy said throwing a pillow at Clarke and Murphy,

"if we go out on the balcony we'll freeze" Murphy complained as Clarke giggled, "Yeha do you want us to freeze Bell?" Clarke laughed, throwing the pillow back at him. They watched a couple more movies, Clarke and Echo proceeding to get rather drunk.

"You girls take the bed" Bellamy said, helping Clarke up and taking her to his bed where Echo and Emori proceeded to crash onto the bed next to her. Bellamy and Murphy crashed on the sofa and floor. 

A loud scream woke Bellamy up after a particularly loud thunder. Clarke woke up in a start, the memory on that dreadful night flashing through her eyes, she heard a blood curdling scream. She didn't realise it was hers till a couple seconds later. She almost didn't realise it was her at all but the intense pain made her freeze. Bellamy was in the bedroom within seconds, Clarke still screaming and shaking vigorously. 

Both Emori and Echo were now awake staring at her. 

"Clarke. Hey it's Bellamy can you hear me" he said loudly but her eyes were darting around too much for her to focus on him. 

"Clarke hey Clarke" he said touching her shoulder. As soon as he touched her she bolted upright, glancing around at everyone who were wide eyes staring at her. 

"Fuck" she whispered, refusing to make eye contact with Bellamy she got out of bed quickly walking into the living room. 

At her entering Murphy looked up at her, obviously being woken by her screams. 

"I need your cigarettes" she said quietly her hand held out to him. 

"Clarke I'm not sure that's a good idea" he started. 

"Please Murphy just pass me the cigarettes. I need something to help me to sleep. Storms fuck me up. I can never sleep through them, just please give it to me" she said almost begging. 

Sighing he handed them over as she took one lighting it and going out into the rain on the balcony. 

. 

. 

"You trying to freeze princess" Bellamy said, coming to sit next to her in the rain. 

"I didn't notice" she said slowly glancing at the rain before looking back at him, "still think I'm not broken?" she said laughing, her voice catching. 

"Please tell me Clarke. I'm not sure I can help but I can listen" Bellamy said, putting an arm around her shoulder and pulling her close to him. 

"My dad he er, he. Bellamy I can't I'm sorry" she said dissolving into tears. 

"Whenever you're ready, we can just stay here for a while" Bellamy said as she climbed into his lap, and he tugged her closer, kissing her forehead. 

"It's okay princess" he murmured into her head, they stayed out there for a while both soaked to the bone. Her body felt warm against his. He tried to even his breathing so Clarke wouldn't notice his involuntary quickening heartbeat. Clarke finished her cigarette, and they went back inside. Clarke should probably feel guilty for being that close to Bellamy, but instead she had this warmth feeling in her numb body. Clarke woke up a couple more times in the night, each time Bellamy was there soothing her face and hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou all for reading, let me know what you think❤️


	11. May we meet again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Aftermath of last night drinking  
> -Finn and Clarkes reunion  
> -showdown between Bellamy and Clarke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for all the angst. I promise it is not the end of bellarke
> 
> Also Madi enters next chapter. 
> 
> As always thanks for reading and let me know what you think❤️

Chapter 11- May we meet again  
.   
.   
"Hey Clarke" Echo soothed as her eyes fluttered open. Clarke was startled, where was she? Remembering, she settled back into Echos arms as she stroked her back. 

"Your okay" She whispered into her hair. 

"Thank you" Clarke whispered back as she sunk into Echo. It didn't matter that she didn't particularly know Clarke, she was there helping anywhere, she reminded her a lot of Bellamy and concluded they'd be a pretty good couple however the thought of the two of them, unsettled her and twisted something deep inside of her. 

"You wanna talk about it" Echo asked.

"No. I need to check if my works been cancelled" she said, pulling away from Echo.  
The cold air hit her instantly and she wished she could fall back in bed but instead she braved forward, Murphy was still passed out on the sofa. Glancing around her eyes landed on Bellamy he was serving Coffee topless and she had to admit he looked good. Maybe a little bit more than good.

"Coffee?" he asked, smiling up at her.

"Your a God." she replied, taking the coffee from him and sitting down on one of the two dining chairs he owned.

"Thank you for last night Bellamy. I feel like your always saving me" she said softly her eyes dropping down onto the table.

"I wish I did. I felt so helpless. I didn't know what to say or what to do." he said as his eyes stared so deep into her eyes like he could read her soul.

"Bellamy you did help. Trust me. Normally I have to do that alone" she said slowly knowing what was about to come.

"What does Finn do?" he asked, not meeting her eyes.

"He knows I don't like storms but normally he's to passed out to wake up when I scream, or if I do he tells me to go watch some telly until I calm down" she said.

"You know he's a dick right? I don't see why someone so kind and good like you, would stay with someone like Finn" he said begging that maybe this time he'd get through.

"I can't keep having this argument with you Bellamy. Do you know where my phone is?" she asked. 

"Yeah" he said handing it over dejected. Clarke had got voicemail explaining her next two days were off because of the storm.   
She walked over to the window, it was worse now than it had been yesterday, high winds and hailing. 

"I'm off you guys?" she asked hoping one of them would be off with her.   
Bellamy checked her phone, 

"Me and Murphy are off" 

"Same" Echo chimed still in bed.   
"I'm gonna take a sick day," Emori said groggily, going to lie down with Murphy.   
Clarke and Bellamy took their coffee sitting back down in bed with Echo, Clarke sandwiched in between them. 

"You know you two would make a pretty good couple" Clarke muttered more to herself, she didn't really mean to say it but she wouldn't lie she wanted to see Bellamy reaction.   
Bellamy nearly spluttered his coffee out everywhere. Not that the idea disgusted her or anything but it's more unexpected and he was pretty sure he liked someone else anyway. Echo laughed, 

"I think I'm too much of a player for him" she said smiling, Clarke head on her shoulder. 

"When all this is over, your coming out with me." Echo said, as she ran her hands through Clarkes hair. 

"You know your hairs would look great in plaits" Echo said, pulling Clarke to sit down in front of her, as she started to divide her hair up to plait it. 

"I've never really been good at friends" Echo said, as she finished plaiting one side of her head. 

"Me neither. But now you got me" Clarke said. 

She could hear Murphy open the door. 

"Is she here" she could hear Finn ask. 

"Er. Who?" Murphy said, Clarke didn't know if he was just trying to wind Finn up. 

"Clarke." He could hear Finn had an edge on his voice obviously tipsy even though it was only 10 in the morning. 

"Yeah bedroom" Murphy said presumably opening the door up to let him in. 

"There you are. Let's go" he said grabbing her arm. 

"Wait Clarke, I haven't done the other side of your hair" Echo said looking up at her. Clarke mouthed a sorry at her, as Finn pulled her up off the bed. 

"Clarke you don't have to go, you can stay here with your friends if you want." Bellamy said, focusing only on Clarke skipping over Finn's stony face. This was her out, she could stay here, avoid Finn's anger that would follow his drunken episode. 

But she knew what she should do. This was her boyfriend who she loved.

"It's okay Bell." she said, pulling her arm out of Finns grip bit she followed him to the door anyway. 

"Your not even friends. She's known you all for 10 minutes" Finn said as they exited.   
Clarke could hear Echo mutter. 

"He really is a dick"

Finn was definitely drunk and annoyed Clarke was round Bellamy’s. She made him some food with the limited amount of resources still around the flat and they watched a couple of movies in the morning. 

"So how was your night?" Finn asked.

"It was okay. I woke up in the storm a couple of times" she said, before asking about Finns. 

"Probably not as fun as yours, I wish I was with you" he said. That hit her hard, because she wasn't sure it was the same for her, guilt made her lean forward and kiss him softly. 

"Show me. Show me how much you wanted to be here" she gasped between kisses to him. 

Clarke hoped maybe this time he'd go slow and give her the attention she needed, but when he failed too she slid a hand to her clit rubbing it hard as Finn pounded into her. She tried hard to focus on the here and now but she couldn't, her mind drifted to different scenarios most of which included someone else. Bellamy gruff voice, his chiselled jaw, his piercing eyes. She convinced herself that wasn't what made her arch her back moaning softly as she came for the first time in weeks. No that was all Finn, nothing to do with Bellamy, it couldn't be she was very much in love with Finn she argued, kissing him slowly before collapsing onto bed. 

The storm had mainly passed by the end of the day. 

"Babe can you put some more money in the joint account." Finn asked where he was getting changed in the bathroom.

"Yeah but I need some for shopping" she said getting off her bed to grab her phone.

"Bye. Don't wait up," Finn said, kissing her.

Clarke knocked on Bellamy’s door, 

"Hey I'm sorry about Finn"

"I can't keep doing this Clarke" he said letting her in.

"Your going to destroy yourself Clarke. He's toxic but like a drug you keep going back to him. It's unbelievable can't you see how he treats you. You don't deserve that, you deserve so much better than him. He beats you for control Clarke, do you think that's normal? If someone came into hospital as banged up as you've been, would you allow her to go home to the man who did it to her?" he looked at her, lips pursed to argue back to, to defend Finn. 

"It's like talking to a bloody wall. I can't keep watching someone I care about go through this. I've been down this road before Clarke and it nearly destroyed me. I can't do that again. Not with you. I can help you get out" he pleaded with her but her eyes were glazed over all emotion gone.

"I'm not in anything I want to get out Bellamy. But I understand, I'm sorry for hurting you. I think I should give you some space for a while" She felt something inside her break because she cared about him too, maybe a little too much.

"Bye Bell" she said, tears in her eyes as she leant up to kiss his cheek, one last time.

"Clarke please don't leave" he begged, his voice breaking with emotion, understanding how finite this was. 

"Please just let me help you," he whispered, grabbing her wrist.  
She ignored what, her body was begging her to do, the way her skin felt underneath her wrist.

"May we meet again" she whispered back openly crying now, pulling her wrist out Bellamy’s hand she left, not having the strength to look back.

She made it inside the apartment before collapsing in tears, and the only person she wanted to comfort she'd just destroyed. She knew it wasn't fair tho, not to Bellamy if he was always just waiting till she left Finn because she wouldn't. She loved him. She could hear loud crashes like Bellamy was throwing a chair, she wanted nothing more to go hug him, tell him it would be okay. It wouldn't be okay, and even if it was it wasn't her place anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry. I promise it will get better ❤️  
> Let me know what you think, thank you for reading,   
> -  
> Oh and I'm so excited, Madi is in the next chapter


	12. You left me, when I needed you the most

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Madi turns up  
> -Finn and Clarke fight about Madi  
> -Bellamy and Madi bond
> 
> -Description of physical abuse and after care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing Madi in and the Clarke and Madi relationship was my favourite to explore.
> 
> I'm sorry for the angst but I promise the ending which I'm currently writing makes it worth it
> 
> As always let me know what you think.

Chapter 12- You left me, when I needed you the most 

.

The next couple of days were tense, Bellamy had a knack of always being in that damn hallway. His eyes wouldn't meet hers, as he would skirt round her like she was the bloody plague but I guess that was to be expected. She had fucked up, she had hurt him. 

It was Friday and Clarke had just finished work. Finn had been out for the last two days and she hoped he'd be home tonight, she just missed him. It was around 6 when she got home, putting on the dinner. She hadn't expected it when she got a knock on the door. 

Opening the door she nearly screamed. She felt overcome with emotion, with love for the child she cared for. 

"Madi. Omg Madi" she said, rushing to take the child in her arms.   
However Madi stepped back. 

"You hurt me. Clarke you left me when I needed you the most" she said, and with that Clarke burst into tears her fears were true. She'd let her down, she'd hurt the one person who meant the most to her. 

"Madi I'm so sorry. Please come inside. I can't lose you again" she whispered, wishing they didn't have to do this in the hallway. She was so afraid Madi would leave and she'd never get a second chance.   
Madi gave a curt nod following her through into the living room, sitting down on the sofa. 

"My mum relapsed, her boyfriend hit me. She didn't even care, she is off her meds and pretty sure she's drinking again, and you weren't there for me. I needed you Clarke." Clarke tried not to sob harder but let her carry on, she knew Madi had to get this out. All she could think was she had hurt her. 

"I know you never signed up for a child or a sister or whatever I was but I got used to it being you. I kind of thought we'd be together forever. How do you think it felt Clarke, I went to your apartment and you were gone so I went to your mother's. I was so worried something had happened. How the fuck did you think I felt when she said. "Clarke didn't tell you she left. She moved to New-York" I collapsed on your mother's doorway and you didn't even know" she said, dissolving into tears.

Clarke leant forward to hug her but Madi moved out of her reach again, flinching away. 

"You don't get to do that anymore" Madi sneered, wiping viscously at her cheeks.

"I'm so sorry Madi. I love you so much, you know that right" she paused looking up Madi, but her eyes were trained on the ground.

"Your mum came to me and she was sober and off the drugs. I was naive but I thought this time it would be different, she seemed so sure and I was happy for you. But then she told me I had to stop seeing you. I tried to fight it, I did. I promise. She called the police on me, told me I couldn't see you again. I couldn't tell them about your moms drinking or drugs because I knew they would take you away. I didn't want to hurt you like that and she said she was clean. I wanted to believe it so much for you. I couldn't stay there Madi, I couldn't see your school, our spot in the park, our cafe. I couldn't cope so I ran away. But that never meant I didn't think about you, that I stopped loving you. God I missed you and I was so worried I'd messed up, made the wrong decision leaving, but I couldn't stay and not be near you. It would have broken me." she looked up at Madi, as they made eye contact through their tears. She got up off the sofa hugging Clarke tightly, 

"This doesn't mean I forgive you" she whispered into her chest but at least it was better than nothing.

When they pulled apart Clarke saw how tired Madi was.

"You can sleep. We can talk later," Clarke said.

"Please don't make me go back" Madi said in hardly more than a whisper, Clarke heartbroke. 

"What?" Clarke asked.

"She will always relapse, you know that. I'm not sure I can live like that anymore. I love you, Clarke. Please let me stay, don't make me go back. I'll be good I promise, I'll even be nice to Finn" she said begging her.

"Madi" she said, what was she meant to do? Of course that's all she wanted. But Madis mother? Finn?

"Please" she begged, looking up at Clarke. She could see that Madi looked so done, so broken. She realised in that second, she'd do just about anything to protect Madi. 

"I'll phone your mother, see what I can do. I'll have to sort out a school and check with the super you can stay here, until we can get a bigger place, but if all that goes well, which I can't promise, then yes" Clarke said, her heart feeling a little lighter. Madi was the glow of light piercing the darkness that she had lived in for so long.

"Thank you" she said hugging Clarke, who manoeuvred them onto the sofa, within a couple of minutes Madi was passed out against Clarke as she laid her back on the sofa covering her with a blanket.

Madi’s mother went a lot smoother than she thought it would, she probably just agreed because of the drugs and when she came off of them Clarke was gonna have a battle, hopefully she could sort something more permanent before then. Her words haunted her "You were always a better mother anyway and you've only know her for 5 years" What the fuck did that meant. She phoned up the local school who had said that a parent or legal guardian could change her school and they'd sent the forms through which Clarke hoped her mother would sign. So she sent them along. Next she needed to talk to the super, she left Madi a quick note hoping she wouldn't be long. Again there was no trouble the super was very understanding, saying they didn't have to move if they could all fit in. Clarke knew she needed to buy a bed, and other things but that could wait. Madi was still asleep when she got back and she tried for a second time to make dinner. It was going to be a train wreck when Finn got home. Was it conventional? No, Clarke was only 7 years older than Madi, she was 19, and Madi was 12, but that didn't matter not to her. She loved Madi so much. 

There was a loud scream from the sofa and Clarke rushed around, Madi was still screaming but she was fast asleep. 

"Please no don't leave me Clarke" she sobbed in her sleep.

"Hey Madi, baby it's a bad dream can you hear me. Wake up I've got you" she said shaking her gently before pulling her into her lap. 

"It's okay, I got you," she said, stroking her hair.  
It was that moment Finn decided to burst through the door.

"What is she doing here," he slurred, obviously drunk.

"Finn. Can we talk about it in the bedroom?" she said, still cradling Madi.

"We can talk about it, wherever I damn want. What is she doing here?" he asked.

"Madi, I need you to go knock on next door, his name's Bellamy he's mad at me right now but if you say your Madi and Clarke sent you, he'll look after you. I'll pick you up as soon as I can" she said urging her closer to the door.

"If you tell him anything Madi I swear to god" Finn started but Clarke cut him off, "I need you to hurry now. Good girl I love you" she said looking at Finn who advanced to her, a familiar glint in his eyes.

"Clarke I'm not sure I should leave," Madi started.

"I told you to go. Please just listen to me" Clarke shouted and Madi gave a quick nod hurrying out the door, obviously scared it was probably the first time Clarke ahd ever shouted at her. 

"She's staying isn't she?" Finn asked, getting closer to her.

"Yes, her mum's gone off the rails, and if you do anything to hurt her or send her away, I'll leave you quicker than you can say Clarke" she said drawing courage for Madi, courage that she didn't even know existed.

"You would never leave me" he sneered hitting her in the face kicking her ribs that still hasn't healed from last time, she tried to conceal her screams so Bellamy and Madi couldn't hear them.

~

Bellamy had just got home from work, when he heard the door knock opening it up there stood a little girl she couldn't be more than 13.

"I'm sorry I don't want any cookies" he said smiling, at his comment the girl snorted.

"Good I'm not selling Cookies"

"Oh okay are you alright?" he asked.

"I'm Madi" she says and he recognises it immediately.

"Clarke?" he asked, opening the door and she stepped inside.

"Finn got home. I think he's drunk and she screamed that I had to come stay here until she could pick me up." she said, going to sit on the sofa.

"She said you were in a fight. I can just stay in the hallway if you want," Madi asked looking up at him. She had long black hair which reminded her of Octavia and pretty brown eyes.

"No, you can stay here. You hungry?" he asked and when she nodded, he brought over some rice with chicken for them both, sitting down next to her. 

"I've heard a lot about you. How did you get here?" he asked her as they started eating.

"I got on a bus from Arkadia, well near there, the poor part of the town in the outskirts. Clarke really talked about me?" He could see a small smile as she looked up at him.

"Yeah she loves you so much" he replied which was true she'd told him that.

"I'm angry with her" Madi told him softly and he looked up giving her his full attention, 

"Want to talk about it?" he asked.

"She left me. She was meant to be there to protect me and she wasn't. She didn't even tell me she was leaving. I know stuff went down with my mum and her. She told me about the police and stuff and I get it but it doesn't mean it hurt any less" she said looking up at him and he could see the pain flick across her eyes.

"I get that, but you know she cares right. She regretted it so much, and she missed you like crazy. Everyone makes mistakes, but it's okay to be upset with her." he said looking up at her.

"She's pretty great, she always looked after me, she cared for me when no one else did, of course I'll forgive her just maybe not tonight," she said and Bellamy gave a little laugh, 

"That seems fair"

They finished their dinner and while he washed up, she put on Dirty Dancing,

"This is a bloody theme, Clarke made me watch this too" he said grumbling as he sat down on the armchair.

"Are you and Clarke close?" she asked. 

What the fuck was he meant to say to that.  
I think I have a thing for her but she won't leave her abusive boyfriend and we had a fight about it and I'm not sure she'll ever talk to me again. It didn't exactly flow off the tongue and especially not to her daughter, sister however Madi could be described.

"Yeah pretty close, we just got in an argument" he said, "So Finn was drunk?" he asked and Madi physically tensed, 

"Yeah. He looked so angry. I didn't mean to cause problems." she said.

"You didn't Madi. This is his problem not yours" he said and he saw her relax slightly. They finished the movie and Madi passed out on the sofa.

.  
.

"She can stay. I won't hurt her I promise but you owe me big time Clarke, got it?" he sneered before he left, slamming the door as he went. She cleaned up the apartment before going to knock on Bellamy’s door.

"Hey. Is Madi okay?" she said as he opened the door. 

"Yeah she's passed out on the couch. You okay?" he asked as he let her in. She gave a curt nod, taking in the young girl on the sofa, he'd obviously draped a blanket over her.

"I'm sorry Bellamy. I know we're in an argument. I didn't want to send her here but I didn't want to let her see what was gonna happen."

"So did you get hurt," he said, grabbing her wrist spinning her round. The bruises were more prominent in this light. 

"Your ribs" he asked and she nodded. It was sad he knew that where Finn hurt her, he gently rolled up her t-shirt stroking the bruises as she groaned out. He pulled the t-shirt back down looking away avoiding her eyes.

"Are you staying here? Or I can carry her round to yours if you want" he tries to keep his voice neutral. He didn't want to have a second argument but he really didn't want them to leave.  
She looks up at him, tears in her eyes, 

"What if she doesn't forgive me?" she asks. He wanted to pull her close and hug her. Tell her everything would be okay but he couldn't not anymore.

"I.. Er..We'll go back." she said and he gently picked up Madi following Clarke back into her apartment, she motioned to the couch and he gently laid her down.

"Thank-you for looking after her. I'll try not to bother you again" Clarke says looking up to gauge his reaction. He clenched his jaw, 

"She's always welcome" That hit her hard. She as, in Madi was welcome, not her not anymore.  
Bellamy left the apartment without looking back as Clarke sank to the floor in front of Madi. She stayed there for the rest of the night. She didn't want her to wake up alone, or leave her alone when Finn could return home at any point.  
The next couple of days Madi and Clarke caught up, Clarke cleared out some wardrobe space for her. It took a week before her mother got her into a school. For the most part Finn stayed away. Madi had hung out with Bellamy a couple of evenings. Clarke wasn't sure if she was invited but she stayed away anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always let me know what you think and thank you for all the love ❤️


	13. You are my Best Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Clarke and Bellamy make up
> 
> \- A Finn and Bellamy show down with a disastrous result

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the love and as always let me know what you think. 
> 
> Descriptions of Abuse

Chapter 13: You are my best friend 

"I suck at history." Madi sighed exasperated, slumping down at the dining room table.

"What you doing it on?" Clarke asked from where she was cooking. Madi had been in school for a week. It had been two weeks since the argument with Bellamy and still it hurt every time she saw him. 

"I don't even know" she said slamming her pencil down.

"Go ask Bellamy, he's good at history." Clarke suggested, with a small smile.

"Can he come for dinner?" she replied, Clarke sighed, Madi had been begging for Bellamy to come over for the last week.

"Not tonight Madi, I’ll come get you at dinner"

"Of course he can't. Just say your sorry Clarke, I know he misses you." 

Clarke didn't allow herself to think that maybe that was the truth because it would be to cruel and untrue, she had hurt him.

~

Madi has decided on this new policy where she doesn't knock. Bellamy can see from the bedroom room Madi waltzing in.

"Clarke is so stupid" she huffs, slamming her books down on the table.

"Hey Madi come on in" he replies sarcastically, trying to hold back his smile before he continued, "What's up?" He asks.

"I suck at history. And you and Clarke are pissing me off. You are both acting childish. You had an argument get over it, you both miss each other. You both subtly ask how the other is doing and I'm sick of being the one in the middle," she said staring at Bellamy, 

"Okay I'll talk to her tonight." he knew what it was like having to choose sides. He was mad at Clarke for giving up on herself, how could she not see she deserved better, but he would talk to her, because Madi was right, he did miss her.

"What history, do you need help with?" he asked. She opened her textbook and her exercise book sliding it over and he helped her for the next half hour until Clarke opened his door.

"Hey can I talk to you tonight?" Bellamy asked and she looked slightly startled, 

"Erm okay, balcony?"

"Yeah, bye Madi," he said, hugging her as she followed Clarke back to their apartment.

~

Finn unlike usual was home for dinner, while Clarke was glad he was making an effort however it made it much more tense. Madi and Finn had hardly finished a conversation since she'd moved in. 

"How was school Madi?" Clarke asked, so she gave them a quick summary. Finn went out after dinner like usual and Madi passed out about half ten. She stood in front of the balcony door, she hadn't done this or been out on the balcony in the last couple of weeks.

Taking a deep breath she walked out, Bellamy was already seated on his balcony.

"Hey Bellamy" she said slumping down against the wall,

"You got told off by a 12 year old too?" he asked looking over at her.

"I felt like I was back in school," she giggled.

"I'll start. I'm sorry about what I said and you know I get it, your going through a lot of things and I don't want to stop hanging out with you because of our differing of our opinions" he said glancing over at her,

"It's okay, I know I seemed to be barrelling deeper into this world of pain and hurt. You know I never used to be this way, I was very well put together and know I'm more of a heated-mess, one decision off a meltdown. I understand that being attached to me right now is dangerous. I'm not an easy friend or a particularly good one Bellamy" she rambled.

"I think I get to decide how good a friend you are" he clambered over the balcony just like he's done before. Sitting down next to her, arm around her shoulder. 

Finn decided that moment to enter the apartment, finding Clarke out on the balcony wrapped up innocently in Bellamy's arms.

"What the fuck is this" he shouted, Bellamy and Clarke pulled away instantly.

"Finn it's not. We're just friends" she pleaded. Bellamy looked over at her, she looked so scared, so worried. It was unbelievable, what they were doing was totally innocent, she shouldn’t be this worried to defend her actions.

"I was just leaving" Bellamy said, stepping back, however Finn threw a punch right at his face.

"Shit Finn" Clarke screamed as Bellamy staggered back grabbing the side of his face.  
Clarke leant up stroking her hand over his black eye, largely forgetting Finn was standing behind her. She was lost in that moment with Bellamy intently staring at each other as she caressed his bruised cheek. 

"Get away from her" Finn growled, going to hit Bellamy again but this time he was prepared grabbing his outstretched wrist.

"Clarke" Madi croaked out, sleepily from the doorway, her eyes large and scared. She knew how it looked, Clarke cowering in the corner while Finn and Bellamy fought.  
Finn pulled his arm free,

"And you" he whipped round pointing at Madi in a fit of anger. He stalked towards her but before he could do anything Bellamy grabbed his arm spinning him back round to face him before punching him square in the face.  
Clarke couldn't deal with this.

"Madi darling it's okay" she said stepping past Finn who was now staring with anger at Bellamy, they both knew Bellamy could kill him in three easy movements. She grabbed Madi’s hand before pulling her into a hug 

"Let's get you back to bed." she said.  
She turned back to them, 

"Bellamy you need leave this instant" she said her voice raising. They both looked stunned, Bellamy recovered first, he tried to keep the hurt out his voice.

"Clarke. I don't think" but she cut him off, "I said leave" not looking back she pulled Madi inside sitting on the sofa as she curled up on her lap.

"Clarke" Madi started.

"Shush, it's okay let's just talk about it in the morning I'll sleep here with you on the sofa okay?" she asked and Madi nodded, she stroked her hair whispering comforting things into her hair.

She knew Bellamy had left and she could hear Finn smashing things in the bedroom.

"I swear to god Clarke" he shouted and she eased a sleeping Madi off her lap.

"Finn" she started but he spun around.

"I'll ask you once is anything going on with you and Bellamy?" he asked with the anger obvious on his face. 

"No, I promise Finn it's you and me" she said, her hand grabbing the side of his face, turning his face to look at hers, kissing him.

"Clarke you can't see him anymore" he said kissing her neck, "You love me right" and of course she did so why was it so hard to accept this. Maybe because Bellamy had quickly become her best friend, maybe because he makes her feel less broken, she saw something in him he feels just as lonely, just as lost as she does. But through all of that is Finn. She loves him, he is her everything and she would do anything for him which is why she refused to acknowledge every part of her that was shouting to disagree, to say Bellamy was too important to her but she didn't instead she looked up at him and nodded. Swallowing what tasted like poison as Finn's tongue burned his way into her mouth.

Within minutes things had escalated and Finn ripped off her clothes pounding into her despite her rejections seeing as Madi was asleep in the living room but as always he didn't care. He finished a couple minutes later and she got changed, she knew she shouldn't it's reckless and stupid but she had to see him one last time. 

Bellamy opens his door on the second knock letting her in.  
She goes to his bathroom in silence, damping some paper towels before running it over his eye.

"I'm so sorry Bellamy" she said quietly looking up at him

"Bellamy promise you wont be mad" she asked gently running her thumb over her bruised cheek.

"What Clarkes what's wrong?" he said looking down at her.  
She knew what she had to do next was going to ruin everything but she owed him an explanation.

"I can't see you anymore. I mean Finn made me promise not to see you. I couldn't say... " she broke down in tears but unlike normal he didn't hold her close or hug her, he stepped back pulling himself back from her hand. The hurt evident on his face. But she had to choose, it wasn't fair to anyone.

"O-hh" Bellamy said voice breaking.

"Bellamy you don't understand" she cried, no one did. This is not what she wanted.  
"You are my best friend," she whispered looking up at him startled to see tears in his eyes. 

"Well I guess I'm just not important enough" he said bitterly. 

"I don't want to stop seeing you please don't make me choose, we can make it work. Bellamy I can't do this without you" she felt empty, lost without direction. 

"Clarke. What does that even mean? We have to sneak around behind your boyfriends back to hang out, we aren't doing anything wrong Clarke. We're just friends." he said angrily yet there was such a difference Bellamy was upset even shouting yet he wasn't malicious, he wasn't threatening her. She wasn’t worried or scared, she just felt this overwhelming feeling of sadness. Sighing, she grabbed his hand squeezing it one more time and without answering his question left tears rolling down her eyes. Every part of her hurt, as she returned to her apartment curling up with Madi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading let me know what you think ❤️


	14. Speak of the devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Clarke and Madi go to a ball  
> -Bellamy picks them up when she's to drunk to drive home  
> -Bellarke fluff ❤️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I'm so sorry, my updating schedule is fucked.  
> However I have some one shots to be posted and a new story I've nearly finshed writing, Bellarke of course  
> Let me know what you think and as always thanks for reading ❤️❤️

Chapter 14: Speak of the devil 

Clarke was sick of feeling like this. The next week her and Bellamy didn't interact at all. The only time she ever saw him was when she would call Madi home from her door. Finn had also decided she was un trustworthy. He would call and text her all the time, he would constantly need to know where she was and who she was with, Clarke relented it was easier just to let him control this, he'd already broken all her energy she couldn't take another argument, as it was she was only just functioning going through motions of each day. Surprisingly Octavia had called her at least every other day even though O knew that Clarke was in an argument with Bellamy. 

"So did you ask Finn if he would take you to the Hospital event?" Octavia asked through the phone with a smile. 

"He'll just say no" she said starting dinner. 

"Take Madi then. It will be fun, I wish I could come" Octavia said and Clarke heard someone walk in, as Octavia spun round smiling at whoever just entered. 

"Who was that O. Was that your boyfriend?" she laughed. 

"Shush. Shut up. Bellamy will hear you" and Clarke burst out laughing. 

"Through the apartment walls?" Clarke asked to which Octavia sighed dramatically. 

"Gotta go I've got work" Octavia squealed. 

"Is that what they call it. Talk soon" Clarke said fondly hanging up. 

She asked Madi that night and of course she was thrilled and they decided they'd go shopping on Saturday as-the event was one week after that.  
The rest of the week passed fairly quickly. Madi was beyond excited to go shopping and wasn't even put off by the idea Clarkes mum would also be at the event. That's how Clarke found herself being dragged in and out each store. 

"Madi, we've been doing this for hours. I'm just saying If we don't stop for food soon I'm going to collapse and then who will pay for your clothes" Clarke joked. 

"Fine fine, last store then lunch" Madi agreed giggling, but Clarke was just happy Madi was smiling and laughing. 

"My mum would love that one" Clarke laughed as Madi came out in a long dress however it was covered in cartoon puppies. 

"She might have heart-attack" Madi agreed. 

"Well least she'd be surrounded by doctors" 

"The ever worried child" Madi teased as she took the dress off. Following Clarke to the food hall in the mall. 

Debating which food to eat was surprisingly hard but too hungry to argue anymore she gave up relenting to Madi’s Mcdonalds. 

"Clarke" someone called spinning around she saw it was Echo sitting with Murphy and Bellamy. 𝘎𝘰𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥.

"Hey Echo. I've missed you, I need to get your number" Clarke laughed as Echo surged forward to hug her pulling, both her and Madi over to the table. 

"I'm Echo, and this is Murphy and this is.." but Madi cut her off, "That's Bellamy yeah I know, he made me watch 2 history documentaries yesterday" Madi said rolling her eyes dramatically. Murphy burst out laughing. 

"What they were educational" Bellamy defended, looking over at Clarke. What was the protocol in this situation? 

"Guys this is Madi. She's just moved in with me. I looked after her in Arkadia," Clarke introduced. Madi joked back and forth mainly with Bellamy and Clarke had to admit it was cute, more than cute, it did something deep inside of her. She noted Bellamy avoided her eyes barely muttering a word to her directly.  
She guessed she deserved that.

Echo went with them for the rest of the trip. Madi was in the changing room with a whole host of Echos suggestions.

"You have a kid?" Echo asked out of earshot from Madi.

"Kind of, yeah I guess so it's complicated."

"It's pretty cool" Echo replied and that made Clarke smile cause yeah it was pretty cool. She was thankful for the lack of judgement that she normally experienced. 

"So what's up with you and Bell?" she asked and Clarke was thankful she wasn't drinking anything she'd probably choke. Was it that obvious?

"Nothing, misunderstanding. It's fine" she hurried.  
Echo raised her eyebrows, "okayy. Well I'm not letting that affect our friendship"

They stopped talking when Madi exited the stall.

"You look so pretty Mads" Clarke said.

"Yeah very sophisticated" Echo  
complemented. Madi did a little twirl in a full length flowery jumpsuit.

"Okay. We can go home now" she laughed.

The next week passed quickly and then it was Finn yelling at her for not inviting him even though he wouldn't have said yes. Luckily Finn stalked off only leaving Clarke with her thoughts. She didn't want to make Finn pissed, but she wasn't going to let him ruin the night. Clarke curled Madi's hair and applied some lipstick and some eye shadow and got ready herself. 

"What do you reckon O? " she said through Skype.

Clarke and Madi span around,

"Ready to break some hearts" Octavia said, "You two look very pretty"

"Thank you Octavia," Madi said, flicking her hair and Clarke blew a kiss goodbye as she hung up.

"You ready kid?" Clarke asked her,

"Yeah let's go" Madi said, grabbing Clarkes hands, pulling her out of the apartment.

When they arrived she was momentarily stunned into silence, the ballroom was beautiful, highlighted with the colour gold everywhere she looked.

"Your mother's at the door we can't avoid her" Madi whispered in her ear giggling and shit she was right there was no way around it. The first thing she would have to do is talk to her, fucking brilliant.

"Mom hey," Clarke started as they cambered up the stairs instantly regretting heels.

"Clarke" she said cooly whipping her eyes around, "Madi" 

"Well that was a good start" Clarke whispered into Madi's ear laughing as she pulled her towards the food. 

Why did fancy places have such small food? Utter bullshit. One thing they did have however was a lot of alcohol and while Clarke wasn't gonna drink, after that opening with her mother she needed something to soothe the blow. Downing another when she saw her 5 missed calls from Finn. 

The speeches as always were boring and long. So fucking long for no particular reason. 

"Come on Mads" Clarke whispered, grabbing her hand and pulling her out of the hall as the speech drew on, Clarke faltered not knowing the way but eventually they ended up in the kitchen. The staff having already served the food had left, Madi was sitting up on the counter as Clarke raided the fridges. 

"Nothing here is pre made" she sulked. 

"Duh they have a chef. Not their fault you want greasy food" Madi laughed throwing some peanuts at Clarke.

Giggling she found the wine, opening the bottle. 

"Down it. Down it" Madi shouted chucking more peanuts at her, laughing Clarke gulped some more down. She was definitely verging on the edge of tipsy but it felt good. Warm, fuzzy, carefree when was the last time she'd felt carefree. 

But all to soon Madi was pulling Clarke back into the event, where she was forced to interact with pretentious assholes. 

"Clarke" her mother hissed, "What do you think you are doing?" 

Clarke grinned and continued to pull Madi around the dance floor. It was a party right? A celebration so why was everyone just sitting there. She was probably way too drunk, sober Clarke would just sit down or leave but nooooo. Drunk Clarke wanted to have fun. Laughing, Madi spun her round the room, giggling as she bumped into people. 

"You are a train wreck Clarke. Unbelievable all I ask is you to turn up presentable interact for the evening and you can't even do that. Your ruining our image, and image me and you father worked so hard to make" Abby hissed and Clarke was stunned into silence. 

"Don't you dare talk about him" Clarke snapped. 

"He would be so disappointed in you" She bit out. All she felt was anger and then sadness, was her mother right. Would her dad be ashamed? She wanted to turn off her thoughts and the only way she could think of doing in that moment was drinking more which is how she found herself pouring herself drinks from behind the abandoned bar at the side of the ballroom as Madi stole all of the Crisps and chocolate from behind the bar.

"I think we are meant to pay for this" Madi giggled, tossing some smarties into her mouth. 

"Well then they shouldn't leave it all out" Clarke slurred wiggling her fingers at Madi.  
Laughing as they slumped further down against the side of the counter as someone walked past. 

"I think I'm too drunk to drive home," Clarke said thoughtfully after a while.

"Duhhhh." Madi teased, "Should I phone Finn," she asked, taking out Clarkes phone. All Clarke could think was that he'd be so mad that got drunk and why? It didn't affect him and also she really wanted fries but that was mildly irrelevant and more because she was just plain out drunk. 

"I'll phone Bellamy then," she said, pinching in digits to Clarkes phone. 

"How do you know his number?" Clarke asked, giggled helping herself to some more wine and a packet of Crisps. 

"He gave it to me, silly. Said I could phone if I ever needed to, so I learnt them" she patted her on the head as Clarke let out a hiccup. Madi left the area behind the bar slipping into the hallway to call him. 

. 

Madi went out to meet him, because he definitely didn't want to walk through that ballroom unescorted. 

"Hey Madi, you and Clarke okay?" he asked, climbing out of his truck. 

"Yeah. Clarke's a bit drunk though. She couldn't drive home and she didn't want to call Finn" Bellamy didn't really know what to say. "Well I'm glad your guardian who's drunk out of her mind is okay." didn't exactly flow. Instead he just silently followed her through the ballroom. And Christ it was fancy, everyone was dressed up drinking sophisticated wine and finger foods and here he was in his white top with car grease stains and jeans. Madi led him behind the bar, when Clarke heard footsteps she whipped her head round looking at Bellamy. She was sight to be seen, her hair once he presumed curled was messy and her face flushed from alcohol. It struck him how beautiful she still was. 

She just stared for a couple seconds before pulling herself off the floor, flying towards him. He barely had time to contemplate what was going on as Clarkes hand flew round his neck pulling him close. It took him a while to respond before pulling her into his arms more, smiling into his hair.  
𝘎𝘰𝘥 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘮𝘦𝘭𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 but obviously he didn't recognise that because that would be creepy right. 

"Bell" she purred, pulling away and ruffling his hair like a dog as Madi bursted into laughter. 

"Hey Princess, are you doing okay?" he asked, trying hard not to smile because they were still in a fight. 𝘙𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵?

"Perfect" she slurred leaning back over to grab the unfinished bottle of wine. 

"I think you've had enough" Bellamy stated when she nearly dropped it on the way to her lips. 

"Madi let's dance" Clarke shouted, grabbing her hands before turning back to Bellamy. 

"You too let's go" she giggled grabbing one of his hands before pulling them into the very empty dance area. 

"Clarke no one is dancing" Bellamy whispered into her ear. 

"That's cause these people are boring" she shouted, clamping her hand over her lopsided grin as she realised what she had very loudly said. 

Bellamy gave a very pointed look to Madi as if to say "What the fuck do I do" 

Madi just giggled. "Just embrace it. Why do care what they think, your not going to see them again"

"The 12 year old makes some good points," Clarke giggled, spinning Madi round.

"Gee thanks Clarke" Madi laughed.  
Bellamy gave in swinging them round to the very slow paced music. Clarke looked so relaxed and it struck him, she hadn't seen her this relaxed since she'd been asleep after about 15 minutes Clarke sat on the floor, face in a pout.

Bellamy bent down so he was facing her,  
"Why do rich people's food suck?" Clarke asked with such a serious expression on her face that Bellamy had to hold back the laughter.

"Don't like fish Princess?"

"Yuck" Clarke giggled from the floor.

"Why did you even come to this? " Bellamy asked her.

"Her mum made her," Madi supplied when Clarke didn't answer, instead pulling herself back up so she was standing again. Madi nudged her looking over at women who Bellamy guessed was her mother, which was confirmed when Clarke bit out rather too loudly.

"Talk of the devil and thou art appear"

Madi burst out laughing trying to stifle them as Abby appeared. 

"Hello mother," Clarke said rather quickly, trying to sound as sober as she could. Which Bellamy didn't even think was possible at this point. 

"Clarke, maybe you two and whoever this is should leave. I'll phone you tomorrow to talk about this" With that Abby turned on her heels and left. 

Clarke clearly had enough so they did leave, however Bellamy had a very hard time getting Clarke to his truck. Drunk Clarke definitely got distracted easily. 

"I'm hungry, let's go to a diner Bellamy pleaseee" she said pulling on his arm like a child. 

"The food there was crap. I want a burger. You want food to, don't you Madi?" Clarke asked and when Madi nodded she prodded Bellamy in the stomach. 

"Two against one lets go," she said, pulling on his arm. Bellamy tried to hold in his laughter and his feelings that this, taking care of Clarke and hell having fun felt so good, so normal 

"Fine, if we ever get to the truck" he argued as Clarke stopped to pick a flower.

Finally they managed to stumble into the truck and Bellamy drove to the nearest 24 hours dinner. If Clarke was sober she'd probably ask how he knew where one was but she was far too drunk to care. So that's how Bellamy found himself at midnight with a smoothie in one hand and Madi passed out leaning against his shoulder as Clarke giggled over her fries.

"What's so funny?" he asked, leaning over to pinch a fry however she slapped his hand. 

"I don't think so mister you haven't even bought me a drink" she said bursting into laughter. 

"Clarke what the fuck are you on about? " he asked laughing, "and I'll have you know I did buy you a drink not my fault you spilt it all over the floor." With that Clarke leaned over the table pushing her fingers over his lips.  
𝘏𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥.  
Her hands felt so soft, sending jolts of electricity all through his body. 

"Shush, that's a secret." she said quietly. 

After they had finished their meal, Bellamy carried Madi back out to the truck and then again up to his apartment putting her in his bed pulling Clarke along too. 

"You are not going to want to sleep in that, Princess" he said pulling out a t-shirt handing it to her but instead she sat on the bed sticking her arms above her head.  
Bellamy chuckled 

"You know sometimes you are useless" he said, pulling her round and unclasping the back of the dress before tugging it down her body. He tried so hard to not look at her underwear, her lace bra and thong. He did. Promise. He tugged his t-shirt on her again a sense of pride filled him. She was wearing his clothes. What kind of messed up toxic masculinity was that he thought but still she looked pretty great right now. 

"Bell I don't like arguing with you." she whispered in the dark to him. 

"I know it's okay. I understand why you chose Finn" he whispered back because he did, Finn was her long time boyfriend so why had he missed her so fucking much it felt like he couldn't breath. 

"I want to hang out with you too and I'm going to tell Finn tomorrow I promise"  
Bellamy didn't reply for a couple of seconds, 

"Why did you get drunk?" he asked. 

"To start with I just had a drink to help with my nerves you know and then my mum she started saying how I was letting her down, our name down and then she fucking brought my dad in it saying how he wouldn't be proud of me and I lost it"  
Bellamy stroked her hair out her eyes before pulling her against his chest, her body completely encircled by his own. 

"You know that's not true right?" Bellamy whispered into her hair. Clarke stood there against him, her head pressed up against his chest.  
After a while Bellamy pulled away helping Clarke lie down on the bed next to Madi pulling the duvet up on them both before turning the light out and sneaking out to the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading let me know what you think ❤️❤️


	15. Almost like a family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellarke + Madi fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou all for reading, let me know what you think. 
> 
> Minor character death mentioned

Chapter 15- Almost like a family 

"Hey" Madi shouts, rather too loudly for Clarkes pounding head as she jumps onto the bed with a plate of pancakes.

"Look what Bellamy made, " she said, waving the plate in front of Clarkes nose and pulling off her covers.

"Madi shush," Clarke grumbles, pulling the covers back over her head.

"Princess" Bellamy's deep voice pulled her back out from her trance, reluctantly she wriggled out of her covers taking the coffee out of Bellamy’s hand.

"Thanks Bell" she whispered, grabbing the ibuprofen from the side table he had laid out for her. 

-

Clarke and Madi returned home later that day, finishing the rest of the weekend by binge watching various films, Bellamy came over while Finn was out. It felt wrong sneaking around but infinitely better than not seeing him at all. It was sunday evening and she had just sat with Madi till she fell asleep, she was still regularly waking up screaming in the night, Clarke was always ready to soothe her back to sleep.

Finn came home excited Sunday evening from the pub.

"Guess what Clarke?" Finn said kissing her,

"What?" she asked, swept up in his excitement.

"I got a gig and it's amazing, pays well and everything" he said smiling at her.

"That's great Finn" she said, happy he was finally happy.

"However it's in Canada I leave in 3 days and I'm away for 3 weeks" he said his excitement not dropping however Clarke felt like she could faint. He was leaving her for a whole month, and he was so happy, almost like he didn't care. 

"That's great Finn, but you are going to be away for 3 weeks?" She asked, trying not to let her disappointed seep into her voice.

"I know but we can talk everyday and it will be great for my career" he said kissing her again.

.

It was Wednesday as Clarke and begrudgingly Madi stood outside waving goodbye to Finn.

"I love you Finn and I’ll talk to you tonight" she said kissing him and with one last hug he was gone.  
Numbly she walked back upstairs putting dinner on for Madi.

"What do you think about me dying my hair?" Clarke asked, already knowing the answer.

"Omg do it red, like you did that summer, let me do it." Madi said excitedly.

She'd picked up the hair dye on the way home from work that Friday, Clarke hadn't seen Bellamy since last Saturday, was it wrong she missed him more than she missed Finn. 

It was 7ish Clarke was bent backwards over the bath, Madi threw the contents of the dye on her long blonde hair.

"Madi I said the bottom bits" Clarke scolded laughing,

"It is mostly" she mumbled trying to spread it to the end. The door knocked, 

"Who is it?" Madi shouted from where she stood.

"Ow. fuck, don't pull" Clarke mumbled.

"It's Bellamy" They heard and Clarke couldn't work out why that made her heart beat a little faster, or why she was smiling.

"Come in, we're in the bathroom" Madi shouted, turning her attention back to Clarke,

"You missy owe 10p to the swear jar. I think you've nearly put in a full pound in the last two days" Madi laughed.

Bellamy appeared at the door leaning up against it surveying the scene in front of him.

"Please say that's not permanent hair dye" Bellamy laughed,

"No I knew Madi would mess it up" Clarke giggled looking in the mirror.

"Heyyy" Madi laughed, pulling her hair. At that Clarke launches around tickling Madi who stumbles to hide behind Bellamy.

"I'm not in the middle of this," Bellamy states, trying to step to the side but before he can Clarke splatters conditioner, she had in her hand all over Bellamy’s hair. Madi nearly fell over giggling.

"It's so on Princess" Bellamy shouted out to her where she'd run into the bedroom. He grabbed her gently tickling her until she collapsed on the floor, Bellamy on top of her. He was so close, her lips were right there. 𝘚𝘩𝘶𝘵 𝘶𝘱! He wouldn't, he couldn't think like that. Laughing he ruffled her hair.

.

"So what are we thinking?" Clarke said, spinning in front of Bellamy and Madi as they ate their dinner.

"Not as bad as I thought it would be" Bellamy tried smiling. 

"What can I say I'm a hairdresser" Madi deadpanned.

"Yeah it looks nice," Octavia said through Skype.  
Clarke laughed, "I think that's a bit far O"  
Bellamy liked her laugh, her little smile, he hadn't realised how much until right this second. "𝘗𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘤" he scolded himself.  
Madi fell asleep about 9ish, Bellamy picked her up from the couch and placed her down on Clarkes bed who's sat with her soothing her as she had a nightmare.

"Does she have them a lot?" he asked, sitting down on the bed next to her.

"She never used to. But since she's moved in with me she has had quite a few" she said looking sadly up into Bellamy’s eyes. 

"You know what you are doing for her is amazing right. She's lucky to have you"  
With that Clarke leaned her head onto his shoulder, his arm coming to wrap around her. It felt so natural, so safe. She must have passed out because when she woke up, he was gone.

~

"Clarke, can we go see a movie?" Madi pleaded for like the 12th time that day, clearly bored of the apartment.

"Fine but I'm on call so we can't go alone in case I have to rush out" she decided, to be honest she wants really sure what she'd do if she got called in now, make madi come and sit in the hospital cafe or staff room she guessed.

"I'll get Bellamy then" she said running out the door before Clarke could disagree, pulling out her phone she texted Echo,

"Hey wanna come see a movie with me and Madi" her reply was almost instant,

"Sure time and place"

Bellamy was pulled in by his arm, 

"Hey I've heard we're going to watch a movie and it's essential I'm there" he laughed. 

"Well duh we couldn’t cope without you" she joked, throwing a pillow at his head.

"Don't sit down, let's go." shouted Madi as she pulled on her coat.

Luckily Bellamy knew where the cinema was Clarke hadn't got a clue.

"Your telling me Finn hadn't taken you to the movies once since you got out here, you love the movies" Madi said clearly annoyed. Clarke hadn't really thought about it but they hadn't been on any dates really. Finn just never seemed to have the time anymore, at least not for her.

"I guess we just did other stuff" Clarke answered as a gust of wind swept past them, she found herself unconsciously walking closer to Bellamy, his heat radiating off of him in waves.  
Echo was waiting outside the cinema, eyebrows raised at Bellamy, before she stole Clarke away arms linking.

"Something you want to share with the group Griffin" Echo whispered.

"No Madi invited him"

"Whatever you say."

"Sorry to interrupt whatever this is but we got the popcorn" Bellamy said, throwing a piece at her as she dodged laughing. Clarke must have fallen asleep at some point through the movie because when she opened her eyes she was leant up against Bellamy, her head on his shoulder and her body pressed up against his. Bellamy’s hand rubbing circles on her back, it felt nice, calming. 

"Welcome back princess" he whispered into her ear, she found she didn't pull away, just stayed tucked up into his side until the credits rolled. She wished she could stay like that forever tucked away from the world and the pain it brought with it.

Dinner was pleasant, Echo took them to some cafe with a juke box it was cute, Madi was pulled into dancing on the table with Echo and Clarke. 

The next couple of weeks they spent time together nearly everyday. Bellamy would come over Clarke's or her and Madi to his, it was like they were a little family and part of Clarke felt resentful that it would all change when Finn was back next week. Not to be selfish or anything but her favourite times were when Bellamy would stay once Madi had gone to sleep, they'd watch a history documentary or play chess, but it was nice just the two of them.

It was Friday night, two more days till Finn was home.

"Hey princess" Bellamy said, coming to kiss her cheek as he sat down next to her.

"What's up?" he asked seeing the tears in her eyes,

"My mum called. She's moving out, and she just phoned to ask what of my dad's I wanted and what could be thrown" and with that she burst into loud sobs, Bellamy was glad Madi had already passed out, he didn't want her to see Clarke this upset. Bellamy kneeled in front of her, a hand on each side of her face.

"Your okay. Your okay" he soothed, before pulling Clarke into his open arms.

"Want to talk about it?" he asked, running his fingers through her hair.

"My dad he, he er.. He died in a car crash" with that she took in a couple of deep breaths before continuing as she clutched the top of Bellamy's t-shirt.

“It was stormy that night, even though it was summer and my mum had just made us go to this event to do with her job. Me and my dad had always hated them but we went out of obligation I guess. Anyway we were driving home in this massive storm and there was lightning everywhere. It hit the car in front of us and my dad swerved to avoid it and we smashed into another car who had swerved trying to do the same. The rain was tipping it down and when I woke up all I could hear was the thunder. I was stuck in my seat and I couldn't get out, finally I managed to wiggle out the car just as it was struck by lightning. My Mum was scratched but okay however my dad was thrown from the car. My blood ran cold as I saw him lying motionless on the ground, I ran up to him, and there was blood everywhere and I…" Clarke teared up again sobbing hard into Bellamy as he held her. He didn't know what to do to help, but she carried on anyway, 

"So I got to him and my mother was just standing there looking at him. I was sobbing trying to apply pressure, help him but I didn't really know how. But my mum, she was a surgeon, a doctor and she just stood there as her husband died. I guess she was in shock but I was so angry at her for a long time. So angry at the world." she cried harder now. And he just rocked her back and forth.

"You are allowed to be angry," he murmured into her hair.

"How do I know what to keep, what if I throw away something important?" she cried.

"Hey, objects are just that objects, the time you spent with your dad, the feelings you felt and feel about him that can't be taken away, that's what's important. I’d take photos and anything you felt you wanted but don't put this big pressure on yourself Clarke. He would be so proud of you," he said pulling her closer.

"Sometimes I wish it was me" she murmured into his chest. 

"Don’t say that" Bellamy pleaded, his voice breaking as he stroked her hair. He couldn't imagine his life without her. 

"It's true I'd do anything for me to die in the car crash and him to live" he didn't reply not knowing what to say how to comfort her, because he had felt that pain before, instead he just rubbed gentle circles on her back and held her tight. And that's where she woke up in the morning clinging to Bellamy, his arms wrapped around her, his head on hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou for reading let me know what you think?  
> Next chapter up on Sunday.


	16. A Princess doesn't cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Bellarke family fluff  
> -Bellamy and Octavia argument  
> -Clarke and Octavia argument
> 
> Be aware description of self harm please don't read if this could trigger you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou to anyone still reading and I have decided I'm going to post a chapter everyday up to Christmas and two today as I was meant to post yesterday❤️
> 
> I'm sorry for all the angst but there is fluff first 
> 
> *Please be aware description of self harm at the end.

Chapter 16- A Princess doesn't cry

This was her first warning sign, she shouldn't like waking up in Bellamy’s arms more than Finns. Madi was still passed out on her bed, when she detached her body from Bellamys.

𝑂: 𝐻𝑒𝑦. 𝐵𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑑𝑎𝑦, 𝑖𝑚 𝑘𝑖𝑑𝑛𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑏𝑡𝑤. 𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑏𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑒𝑒𝑒𝑒𝑒 𝑥   
𝑃.𝑠 𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑙 𝐵𝑒𝑙𝑙 𝑡𝑜 𝑚𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑎𝑔𝑒 𝑚𝑒 𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘, 𝑜ℎ 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑏𝑢𝑦 𝑚𝑒 𝑗𝑎𝑓𝑓𝑎 𝑐𝑎𝑘𝑒𝑠 

Smiling, Clarke tapped out a reply.

𝐶: 𝐼 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑑𝑜 𝑙𝑦 𝑥𝑥

𝑂: (๑˙❥˙๑)

𝐶: 𝑊𝑡𝑓 𝑖𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡!

𝑂: 𝑖𝑑𝑒𝑘 

𝐶: 𝑊𝑒𝑙𝑙 𝑟𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘 𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑛

Laughing Clarke started on breakfast pulling out the bacon and eggs. 

"Hey Princess" Bellamy was pressed right up against her back, his hand reaching round her to get the orange glass. He was so close, if she just leant back she would be able to feel him. All of him. Trying to stifle her sigh she pulled away from him, they were walking a dangerous line, and she probably shouldn't have enjoyed tip toeing it as much as she was.

"Octavia said to check your phone," she chuckled, whacking him with the spatula.

"Hey" he said, mocking that he was in pain before tickling her.

"There is a hot pan mister," she scolded, laughing. Madi joined them soon after,

"I love bacon" Madi mumbled, still half asleep. The food was good, everything that morning was good until her mother decided to call.

"Clarke, oh thank goodness. I'll be around in 30 minutes, we are going to lunch"

"Mom, what are you talking about? We have no plans, and you don't even know where i live."

"Oh I got that info from the hospital. I need to talk to you Clarke," With that she hung up the phone. Clarke tried to settle her breathing.

"You okay Clarke?" Bellamy asked, grabbing her hand.

"Clarke" Madi said catching on, "Was that your mom?" she asked, grabbing the phone out of her hand and checking the recent calls.

"What did she want Princess?" Bellamy asked, pulling her into a hug, running his hands up her back in soothing circles.

"She's coming here for lunch" she mumbled head on her chest and suddenly she felt safe, protected from the world around her.

While the lunch was passive aggressive, it was better than she imagined but that might have more to do with the fact, Bellamy sat with her, holding her hand under the table in support. Their hands interlocked as Bellamy squeezed it gently.

~

Friday evening found herself cooking dinner, waiting for Finn to arrive home and while she was excited to see him there was a party of her that knew she couldn't see Bellamy as much anymore and that made something deep in her chest ache.

"I missed you baby" Finn said bursting through the door, placing his hands on her hips and pulling her close, kissing up her neck. She couldn't really explain why but she felt trapped. Her thoughts suffocated her, as she shoved him off rushing out the door. She hadn’t expected Bellamy’s door to be open and she definitely didn't expect to hear Octavia arguing with her brother.

She wasn't trying to ear-drop but she could hear her name, slumping down against the wall she absentmindedly listened as she tried to remember how to breathe. 

"She's bad for you. I like Clarke, you know I do. She is one of my closest friends but she's not exactly stable. You know what happened last time, you couldn't save Aurora and it nearly killed you. She's dangerous, all the warning signs are there, at some point she's going to destruct and I don't want you there when she falls apart." Octavia hissed.

"It's none of your fucking business Octavia. And Clarkes nothing like mom and you know it, Mom gave up on us, she didn't want to fight, but Clarke just needs guidance, just needs someone to care." Bellamy shouted back.

"Don't come to me when your life falls apart because Clarke decides that you're not enough, she's hurting you more than you are helping her" she screamed back, stomping out into the hallway, her eyes growing wide when she saw Clarke. Mouth opening and shutting silently,

"Clarke you don't understand" she started, tears in her eyes.

"No Octavia you think I'm a danger to you, your brother, myself. That I'm going to self destruct then maybe you should stay the fuck away from me otherwise I'll bring you down with me. I'd get out of the danger zone if i were you, O."

"Clarke don't do this, your one of my best friends"

She was so angry, but in those moments it also made sense. Everyone knew that she was dangerous, some days she knew it herself, she was angry and hurting at the world. Her dad was dead, and everything hurt. Most of the time she felt empty, just going through the action of the day. She didn't want to bring anyone down with her when she inevitably broke, especially not Bellamy, not the way she felt about him. With tears in her eyes, she looked back up to her ex friend. She didn't want to hurt anyone. Not anymore. 

"I promise I'll leave Bellamy alone, I don't want to hurt him" she admitted quietly, brushing past Octavia and out into the stairwell. 

~

Octavia must have told Bellamy what happened because for the remainder of the evenings she got flooded with texts from both O and Bellamy. But this time she was definite she would not fall back into Bellamy’s arm, not when she would be causing him more harm than good. That night she fell asleep in tears, trying to memorise there hug last night, the last time Bellamy would hug her, or hold her hand, it felt like it physically hurt to know that they couldn't be friends anymore. She didn't know if she was strong enough to do it without Bellamy, fleeing to the bathroom, she pulled at the blade from the broken razor running it along her hip. Pain flooded her, as her tears ran faster, everything hurt, the feelings were too much, emotion bubbling up inside of her, but she finnaly felt in control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou all for reading let me know thoughts and i will update again tonight 🎉🎉 yayyy


	17. Save me one last time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please be aware description of rape, if this could trigger or upset you please don't read, you can skip this chapter and I will summarise in the notes at the bottom, I have indicated where the rape description starts and ends so alternatively you can read the chapter and skip that bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a dark one,  
> Please be aware description of rape, if this could trigger or upset you please be careful.  
> Aslo this was so hard to write but I couldn't leave you with this so I'm updating again straight away with the next more fluffy chapter.

Chapter 17- Save me one last time 

Warning- detailed description of rape and abuse. 

"Fucksake O" Bellamy shouted, slamming his hands down against the table. 

"Well obviously I didn't know she was out there. And don't forget I've just lost a friend as well Bell," 

"Yeah a friend that talked about her behind her back. Just leave, I'll phone you tomorrow, right now all I care about is trying to find Clarke." he shouted storming out of his apartment leaving Octavia in tears. He searched the cafe and the movies, not really sure where else she would be, he had texted over 30 times and called her too, he so desperately just wanted to see her, to hold her, hug her, kiss her. Fuck. He shouldn't be thinking like that they were just friends and maybe not even that now. Admitting defeat he returned home, he wished he could go knock on her door but he knew Finn was back, it would just cause her more problems and that was the last thing he wanted to do.

It was 5 days later before he saw Madi, in tears, she stormed in before curling up into a ball on the sofa. 

"Hey Mads, Clarke wouldn't want you here" he said softly before seeing how upset she was, 

"What wrong?" he asked, crouching down in front of her, "Hey it's okay" he soothed, swiping the hair out the young girl's face. 

"Finns hurting Clarke," she murmured and while Bellamy knew it, he didn't realise Madi also did, his heart broke, he knew he couldn't protect Clarke anymore especially when he wasn't talking to her but maybe he could help Madi. 

"Come on let's go meet Echo, we can go out for dinner." he said and she gave him a small nod and a smile that didn't reach her eyes. Bellamy heard her shout out to Clarke the plan, but he didn't actually see her, just heard her response. 

"Be safe, I love you," 

~

Bellamy pushed the part of him away that wanted Clarke to come with them, because they weren't friends anymore, they weren't anything anymore. 

"Hey Mads you okay?" Echo asked, pulling her into a hug. They went out to a cafe and he was relieved to see the tension eventually disappear being back the mischievous happy girl he had first met. 

He wished he had known Clarke as that instead he had met a destroyed version of her but he couldn't deny that he had seen parts of the girl from back home, the girl from before Finn. They watched a couple of Disney films before Bellamy dragged her home. When Clarke pulled open the door Bellamy nearly gasped, it was the first time he'd talked to her since the argument with O. Her face was covered in bruises, hair mattered, but what striked him most was how empty her eyes looked, they had lost any glimmer, any hope. She looked utterly destroyed. 

"Thanks Bell" she said softly, taking Madi's hand. 

He wanted to ask if she was okay but it was clear she absolutely was not, he wanted to pull her into a hug or take both her and Madi and lead them somewhere safe, away from all the pain and suffering. Somewhere with just the three of them.   
But he couldn't do any of that, so he just gave her a small nod and flash of a fake smile before she shut her door.

.  
.  
.

Four days earlier (Clarkes POV)

.  
.

Clarke and Finn's happiness lasted for a whole day before all hell broke loose. Finn returned home drunk Sunday evening upset about something from work he wouldn't tell her about. He shoved her into the wall, she was thankful Madi was out at the movies with Echo to give her and Finn some time together, Madi shouldn't be exposed to this violence. She didn't get mad or annoyed instead just apologised, curling up next to him hoping that one day things could go back to the way they were. But as she was pushed up against him, she couldn't but help think of someone else she would rather be pushed against. But that was all gone now, she was annoyed at herself for even thinking it, she was with Finn. Who loved her, who she loved. Besides she was staying away from Bellamy to protect him, part of her screamed because of the feelings she had for him, but that part of her was wrong,   
𝑅𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡? It was because she cared about him, as friends.

Tuesday evening, Madi was at a sleepover at her new friends house. She was pleased when Finn arrived home before 6, they could have the whole evening for themselves. It started out nice; dinner, make out session, but she realised now that it was all part of his manipulation.

"My friend saw you when I was away" he whispered into her ear, unaware of the danger she was in, she just grinned back kissing Finn.

"Mmh yeah Roan saw you at a movie" Clarke tries to search her mind, it took her a couple of seconds to realise that was when Bellamy had taken her there with Madi. He pulled away from Finn putting some distance in between them however Finn hand gripped her thigh, squeezing it hard, she was sure there would be bruises.

"Did he?" she mumbled, trying to find an out but there was no excuse.

"Yeah you were flirting with some guy. Imagine my surprise when he described him, he sounded exactly like Bellamy" he said voice unusually calm.

"Finn I can explain. It's not like it sounds. Nothing happened" she pleaded as Finn grabbed her by the arms and forced her into the bedroom, pushing her down onto the bed.

~

RAPE DESCRIPTION 

~

"You are mine, what the fuck do you not understand about that. I told you to stay away from him." he said harshly, pulling her legs apart. She tried to wiggle away, 

"Finn let me explain" she whispered as he pulled down her leggings and panties.

"I'm going to show you, your mine" he said pushing her hips down his fingertips scratching into her hip bones.

"Finn don't do this. I don't want to do this right now" she said louder this time trying to shove him off, she hadn't expected his hand to slap against her cheek, as she let out a screech the pain coursing through her body.

"You are a slag and a slut, no one will love you like I do" he said harshly undoing his pants, shoving into her as she let out a scream.

"Please it hurts" she pleaded 

"Good you deserve it" he said, pulling out of her and grabbing her head.

"Open your mouth Clarke" he shouted, and when she didn't comply her hands wrapped around her neck, eventually she relented gasping for breath as he shoved his dick down her throat as she choked. His hands in her hair clenching hard as he pulled her head. 

"You are lucky I love you" he said 

"Swallow" he demanded and once she compiled he slammed her head down into the wooden floor before grabbing the glass of the bedside cabinet shattering it on her cheek.

END Of RAPE DESCRIPTION 

~

"Stay the fuck away from him" he sneered kicking her in the stomach.

She felt empty and alone. But she knew Finn was right, she was a horrible person, no one would believe her, no one would love her like Finn did. She shouldn't have hurt him or upset him, that was the last thing she wanted.  
She crawled away from the floor and cleaned her wounds as best as possible going to sit beside Finn.

"I'm so sorry baby. I promise I'll never see him again" she mumbled head in his chest as he stroked her hair.

"I forgive you Clarke" he mumbled, kissing her forehead sweetly.

The next day Madi shouted and screamed angry at Clarke for not telling her what had happened to her face.

"Clarke, I know it was Finn. Let's just leave, we could get away, get out"

"Madi, I'm not in anything I want to get out of, now tell me how was your sleepover?" she asked, trying to change the subject. In the end Madi relented hugging Clarke and telling her all about her friends. Giggling Clarke teased her back, hugging her close, Madi was the light at the end of her tunnel, the person she cared most about in the world.

"You know I love you, don't you Mads," she said, hands grasping the younger girl's face.

"I love you too Clarke, your my family" she said curling up on her lap.

"You know I will always protect you Madi, with my life" she mumbled stroking her hair.

~

It was 3 days later when she first saw Bellamy as he dropped Madi back off. She knew what she looked like, more than a mess and she wanted nothing more than to collapse into his arms to let him pull her to safety. To let him save her one more time, one last time. Instead she shut the door on him, taking Madi inside the apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou for reading.
> 
> Summary-  
> Finn rapes Clarke angry when he hears that she had been with Bellamy while he was away


	18. He needs you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Clarke and Madi fluff  
> -Clarke helps Bellamy through a panic attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Multiple updates in one day wowie.  
> This chapter Clarke looks after Bellamy more.  
> Thank you for all the support, see you tommorw for another update

Chapter 18: He needs you

"Come on Mads," Clarke said, pulling Madi round the school science fair. 

"You are such a nerd," Madi giggled back, tugging her towards the next stand. 

"Hey come on don't be rude" Clarke laughed, "And we are meeting Echo for lunch in an hour so your suffering is nearly over" Madi rolled her eyes groaning in good nature. Science fairs sucked. 

"Mrs Griffin, your daughter is very bright. It's a pleasure to meet you, I'm Miss Woodsen" The women introduced shaking her hand, 

"Thank you, I'm very proud of her," she said, squeezing Mad's hand.

"You know you are only 6 years older than me right?" Madi smiled eating yet another brownie from the food platter.

"You are going to spoil your lunch and yes I know our ages," she replied, stealing the brownie out of madi’s hand.

"I think of you as a mom though, I know people probably think it's weird but you are kind of like a mix between my mom and my best friend." Madi whispered looking up at her.

"I'm honoured, you are my family" Clarke replied hugging Madi trying to not to cry in the chook hall before they slipped out of the room, 

"That was enough education for one day, now let's go do something totally dumb with Echo" Clarke mumbled whacking Madi' s side with the bag of food they'd stole from the spread.

After lunch they retreated back to Echos, Emori and Murphy were relaxing in the corner.

"Hey Madi, Princess" Murphy greeted grabbing Clarkes hand and pulling her out onto the balcony.

"Murphy what are you doing" she laughed grabbing the cigarette out of his hand and lighting it.

"What happened with Bellamy? Something changed within the last couple of weeks. Emori told me not to dig, which is why I pounced on you" he said, taking a drag of the cigarette.

"I don't know what happened with Bellamy" she replied,

"I call bullshit, my advice fuck the sexual tension out the air"

"Hey," Clarke scolded, half laughing as she stole the cigarette back taking the last drag before she returned inside smiling at Murphy.

~

The rest of the week passed quickly, Clarke and Finn barely saw each other. Madi and Finn were in a fight about Bellamy.

"Why can't Madi see Bellamy Finn? I don't see the problem" Clarke asked, waving at Madi that she could go.

"I don't like him." Finn snapped.

"Well, I do and I trust him with Mads, and that's what matters"

"Does it now?" Finn shouted, storming towards her.

"Well as of Monday the documents came through, I'm her legal guardian so I'm gonna say yes" she snapped back pushing past him and out of the apartment. She wanted to go spend time with Madi and Bellamy but she knew she wasn't welcome there anymore, never mind how much she wanted too. 

~

The rest of the week passed slowly and soon it was Saturday, Finn of course was out because when fucking wasn't he. Madi came rushing in. 

"Clarke" she shouted and Clarke could hear the tremble in Madis voice.

"Darling you okay?" Clarke asked, rushing out to her.

"It's Bellamy he needs you"

"Can you tell me babe what happened?" she asked.

"He's in the bathroom, you just need to go to him. I know you are in a fight, but your best friends and I'm really worried about him" Madi mumbled looking close to tears. She didn't know what to do, she was protecting him by staying away from him, would it hurt him more to go see him. Madi gave her one more desperate look and the worry for Bellamy overcame her in waves as she rushed out the apartment.

"Bellamy, it's Clarke" she shouted as she entered the apartment and when she got no response she walked deeper into the room. She found him head against the bathtub tears streaming down his face, his breath was shaky and slow, his eyes darting around the room. 

"Bellamy can you hear me?" she asked softly, gripping his shoulders. He didn't reply and couldn't seem to maintain eye contact.

"Bellamy I've got you. It's okay" she murmured, her arms coming round his neck pulling his head to rest on her chest, well more like her boobs. He sobbed pulling her closer, his arms wrapping around her waist keeping her close.

"I'm right here. I won't leave you" she mumbled into his hair, stroking her hands through it, as his sobs came louder his voice breaking.After about 10 minutes he pulled away his bloodshot eyes finding hers.

"Clarke" he croaked out, as if he thought she may be a dream, his hand flying to her face and gently rubbing his hand over her cheek.

"I'm here Bellamy," she said softly, her hand encasing his one that still rested on her cheek. She gave him a small smile before he pulled her back into a hug, arms holding her still as his head dropped to her shoulder.

"Can you tell me what's up Bell?" she asked quietly, grabbing his hand and leading him to the sofa.

"It's my mom. It's the anniversary of her death" he mumbled, his head falling against her side. 

"I'm so sorry Bell"

Instead he started sobbing harder, 

"It's all my fault" he said somewhat hysterically.

"Bellamy what are you talking about, of course it wasn't" she soothed her hands tangling in his hair.

"I can't save anyone"

He wouldn't elaborate, or answer any of her questions, just pulling her closer, his head against her chest, his hands snaking round her back locking her against him.

When his breathing evened out she eased him of her, kissing his forehead as he looked up to her sleepily with a small sad smile, she slipped outside into the hallway.

~

"Clarke" Octavia answered groggily. Clarke hadn’t realised the time. 

"Yeah it's me O"

"Do you still hate me?" she mumbled so quietly Clarke hardly heard her.

"I never did. It's not that, it's Bellamy. He was inconsolable"

"You said you'd stay away from him" Octavia snapped and Clarke could hear the anger in her voice.

"I have, today was the first time I saw him. Madi came to me in a panic, so I went to see if everything was okay and he was sobbing on the bathroom floor"

"Is he okay now?" she asked, all the anger turned to worry.

"He's asleep. He told me about your mother, I'm so sorry O"

"I'll come down tomorrow, stay for the weekend, I don't have uni until Tuesday" She said through the phone.

"Okay"

"Clarke... Thank you"

"I didn't do it for you Octavia I'll see you tomorrow" with that she hung up. 

She quickly checked on Madi, who was passed out on the sofa, Finn wad still not home. She didn't really feel comfortable leaving Madi alone in the apartment when Finn could return home, so she gently woke her up.

"Hey baby"

"Clarke"

"Yeah it's me, we are gonna sleep at Bellamy okay" she said softly grabbing her shoulders and led her to Bellamys. She helped a mainly asleep Bellamy onto the bed. Sitting with Madi on the sofa till she also fell asleep.

"Bell you awake"

"Yeah" he mumbled reaching out for her hand before pulling her onto the bed, wrapping himself around her.

"Thank you" he mumbled into her hair.

"Night Bell"

"Night Princess" she barely heard it as she drifted off to sleep pressed against him, where she was meant to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think, next chapter which I'll be posting tommorw is one of my favourites.  
> Thank you for all the support ❤️❤️


	19. I have to save her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~Bellarke fluff  
> ~Clarke goes with Bellamy to visit his mother's grave  
> ~They get stuck in a storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've finnaly finnished writing the story and can now tell you there is 34 chapters and a happy Bellarke ending.  
> I'm also going to try and update daily until further notice.   
> As always let me know what you think ❤️

Chapter 19: I have to save her

When her eyes fluttered open, the space beside her was empty. Grumbling she pulled herself out of Bellamy’s bed, she found him leaning up against the cabinet a coffee in hand.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" she asked hopping onto the cabinet opposite him. He stepped forward, his body in between her legs. If he just leant down his lips would brush her, Clarkes ankles locked behind Bellamy’s waist pulling him closer.

"Yeah I'm okay" he breathed, Clarke eyes unconsciously flicked down to his lips.

"I did have something to ask you" he mumbled.

"Yeah" she giggled, he was so close. His smell was intoxicating, her mind foggy.

"Will you come with me to visit my mom's grave?" he asked, vulnerability flooding into his face. She pulled away from him glancing at Madi who was still passed out on the sofa.

"She can come of course she can" Bellamy confirmed brushing Clarkes hair out of her face. Suddenly realising how close he was, how intimate they were she pulled away scolding herself before going to sit on the sofa with Madi.

"Yeah of course we will Bell."

In the end Madi was going to a friends house, "You promise you will be okay," Clarke asked one last time, kissing her on her forehead.

"Yes I promise Clarke." Madi said, giving Bellamy a hug then giving Clarke a second one, a final wave and smile and she was off out the door.

Bellamy and Clarke left just after 10 in the flat pack truck. The drive to Skaikru where he lived was mainly silent, his hand coming off the steering wheel softly resting on her leg. She avoided how it made her feel more alive than she had for weeks in favour of resting her head against his shoulder, for the two hours drive. She must have drifted off at some point because she only woke when Bellamy gently shook her awake.

"Princess we're here" he whispered as her eyes flew open locating his. He gave her a small smile and followed him out the car that was in the parking lot. It definitely looked like a small town.

"This is where you grew up" she asked as he grabbed her hand leading her into a small store.

"Yeah you want a drink?" he asked, picking up a Fanta, the lady at the cashier giving her dirty looks. Pulling her hand away from Bellamy’s she picked up so yellow sunflowers.

"Hi Bellamy" The women behind the till said as they approached it together.

"Er hi" he mumbled obviously confused who she was,

"Oh you don't remember me. I'm Gina, you know your ex from high school"

"Oh Gina, how are you?" he asked, grabbing Clarkes hands again, lacing his fingers through hers.

"I'm okay, and who's this?" she mumbled, shooting a death glare at Clarke.

"This is princes- I mean Clarke" he replied as she paid for the drinks and the flowers.

"It was nice meeting you" Clarke called over her shoulder as they left the store, walking the short distance to the graveyard.

She placed down the flowers, sitting down next to Bellamy, neither of them talked, instead she just rested her head on his shoulder, as tears rolled down his face. They sat there for about an hour before it started to rain.

"Go I’ll meet you in the car" he urged her, she leant up to kiss him on the cheek, before rushing to the truck to avoid the rain.

"I love you mom and I'm so sorry" he mumbled, taking one of the sunflowers out of the bunch taking it back to the truck, placing it in the back. The rain was harder now, an icy wind sweeping through the open window.

"Princess you okay" he asked gently, caressing her cheek, 

"You are so cold, Clarke" he whispered, starting the car hoping the engine would help heat her up. 

They made it about 40 minutes, before the engine gave up in the cold, the rain had turned to hail, a thin layer of snow and a harsh icy wind. Clarke's teeth were physically shivering, bashing together. 

"Bell" she mumbled, her lips were frozen and tingly, her fingers felt like ice. 

"I'm right here" he said stroking the hair out of her face, 

"Jesus Clarke, your so cold your gonna catch hyperthermia" 

"Phone signal?" she mumbled eyes shutting, 

"Hey I need you to keep your eyes open for me," when she gave a slow nod, he grabbed his phone panicking there was no signal, he grabbed at Clarkes but again there was nothing. They were stuck in a broken car in the middle of nowhere.   
She was physically paling and shaking. 

"Princess I need you to talk to me, okay tell me anything. Can you tell me about Madi?" he asked, grabbing her and pulling her across the gap in the seats. Clarke curled up in a ball on his lap, as his hands came down stroking her hair and her back. 

"Madi was so young when I first met her," she mumbled as Bellamy encouraged her to talk more, 

"But she had long lost any resemblance of childs innocent, sad and alone struggling in the aftermath of her mother's first drug overdose. She carried on chatting slowly, her voice trembling from the cold as Bellamy tried to think of a way out of this. He knew the truck wouldn't start until the storm passed, seeing as it was already 5pm, that probably wouldn't be till morning.

Their only chance of surviving was to move, Bellamy could feel the effects of the cold himself and he knew Clarke was worse, he also knew that in low temperatures you had to increase activity to maintain body temperature.

"Clarke, we need to go on foot, I know there's a motel around here somewhere we are going to have to walk" Clarke gave a small nod, as she reached out her hand to clasp Bellamy’s, it sent an icy chill down his arm, he had to save her. They trudged slowly, Clarke physically shaking each of her steps were slower. After 30 minutes Bellamy felt like giving up, curling up in a ball, wrapping around Clarke and hoping someone would find them before their body heat gave up.

"Look" she croaked shakily, pointing at a sign, they were at this point drenched to the bone, with a new found hope they managed to walk quicker arriving at the motel. It was rundown to the point of abandonment, the only sign of life was a red flickering fluorescent sign saying spaces. They trudged inside where Bellamy asked for a room paying for it quickly guiding Clarke to room 11. The floor was carpeted covered with dark stain, the light bulb flickered on before giving up on life and remaining off. The bathroom was filled with mould, a small shower that run icy to the touch. The only god send was the bed and the towels, while the bed was a fold out the sheets, pillows, duvets and the singular towel were all brand new, and still wrapped.

Clarkes eyes starting to shut again as she sank down onto the floor,   
"Princess look at me" he said trying to stay calm, stripping her down to her underwear and wrapping her in the white fluffy towel.   
"I need you to stay here for me, there was a vending machine in the hallway and a vat of hot water in the reception probably with tea and coffee," he mumbled, rushing out with a new urgency to get something warm into her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, let me know what you think.


	20. I would of been happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- Basically just bellarke fluff  
> \- Talk about there relationship  
> \- The tiniest bit of smut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are back, this is like mostly fluffy.  
> As always thanks for the support and let me know what you think ❤️❤️

Chapter 20: I would of been happy

When Bellamy returned with the goods, he was relieved Clarke was still awake. She mumbled thanks as she took the warm tea from his hands, sipping at it slowly. Her teeth had stopped chattering, and there was some slight colour back in his cheek. 

"Hey, is Octavia at yours?" she asked sitting down on the double bed.

"Yeah she messaged me earlier" he replied undressing from his wet clothes, the towel was still draped over Clarke but she threw it over to him slipping under the covers.

"Can Madi stay at yours with Octavia, I don't want her left alone with Finn" she mumbled expecting a lecture,

"Yeah of course, let me phone her"  
Bellamy went into the bathroom and Clarke could hear quiet mumblings.

"Yeah it's all sorted" he stated, going to sit on the bed with Clarke, her hand reached out grabbing his and squeezing it.

"Thank you for saving my life," she whispered leaning up to kiss him on the cheek.

"You are still cold" he remarked, slipping under the covers with her. Pulling her body on his.

It struck him how intimate they were being right now, they were both just in her underwear, if Clarke rocked back she'd feel all of him, and that excited him more than it should. His hands wrapped around her body, and Clarkes head resting on his chest. Her breathing shallow, as her hands come to tangle in his hair.

"Clarke," he murmured and her head turned up to look at him, her lips less than a cm form his, if he just moved his head down their lips would collide.

"Thank you" she whispered again and he could feel each expel of her breath hitting against his own lips. His hand came up caressing the side of her cheek as she let out a small exhale close to a moan, then instantly freezing. God, he wanted to hear her moan, to hear a hitch in her breathing, to be the cause of her head thrown back in a scream.

He can physically see her brain thinking about something and after a minutes she starts,

"You know if life was different, if we had insight into what our life could be, I would have told myself to keep waiting. To resist the charms of Finn, to hold out for someone like you. Kind and caring. I think I would have been happy" she gave him a small smile and he desperately wanted to say that she could have all that. That he could be her happy ending, but before he could she continued,

"But I'm too broken to trust again, it wouldn't be fair on anyone anymore, I'm too broken in general." she muttered letting out a sarcastic laugh.

"You know it's not too late Clarke, you deserve happiness" he whispered, wanting nothing more to lift up her face and kiss her.

"I'm with Finn who I love so much," she mumbled, rolling off Bellamy, tucking into his side, smiling into his chest.

"Night Bell" she whispered, drifting off before he could reply.

~

In her morning daze she couldn't remember where she was, rolling her hips back she felt another person, realising it Bellamy she knew she should stop, at some point she must have turned over in the night, but her curiosity got the best of her and she grinded down onto him. Feeling him fully hard she let out a little moan, he was so big, she grinded back on him again feeling a jolt of wetness coat her panties. 

Bellamy's hands shot out to grab her hips as she blushed vividly believing he was awake, instead he helped her grind back down on him letting out a low moan, pushing harder against her. She couldn't contain her moan anymore letting out something between a moan and Bellamy.  
At the sound of his name his hands stilled and she knew he was now awake, untangling herself she ran to the bathroom unsure of what he remembered. She tried to calm her nerves down but she felt more aroused than she had in months.

Slipping out the bathroom she looked at him now sitting up on bed worry etched into his face. 

"Hey Clarke I'm so sorry, I was asleep, I didn't really realising what was happening"   
she was kind of shocked that he felt guilty, he clearly hadn't realised she was the one that started it, if anything she had taken advantage of him.

"Hey Bell it's fine" she said grabbing his hand and squeezing it.

"Are sure you?" he asked looking up at her.

"Bell it was all me don't worry about it" she said softly leaning up to kiss him on the cheek. He didn't have the time to think about her last comment as her phone started ringing almost instantly after she had kissed his cheek.

"Hey Finn" he couldn't hear his mumbled reply. 

"No I was with a friend" 

"Yeah Madis with me." 

"It was Echo" 

"Okay i'll be home in a couple of hours. Love you" 

He could hear the shake in her voice, "We should get going" she mumbled placing more distance between them. 

"Still not allowed to see me huh" he said more bitterly than he meant to. She shook head once before walking out to the carpark leaving him alone in the room. The journey to the car was much quicker when they could see properly and it wasn't snowing.

"Thanks for coming with me yesterday, I know it's going to cause your problems"

"Hey there's nowhere I'd rather be" she said grasping his hand, shocked at how true it was.

The journey was mainly made in silence, both worried for Clarkes return to Finn. Madi threw her arms around Clarke as soon Bellamy opened the door.

"Hey baby," she said, hugging Madi back, kissing the top of her head.

"How was your night?" she asked Madi looking over and making eye contact with Octavia, mouthing thanks.

"Hey can we talk?" Octavia asked, looking at her with hopeful eyes but she wasn't ready to forgive and forget yet.

"I'm sorry we have to go" she took Madi’s hand and gave Bellamy a small smile, 

"Thank you" she whispered, leaving and turning to the young girl. "I need you to say we were at Echos for me can you do that?" she asked feeling guilty at making her lie but there wasn't much way around it.

"Yeah, you should really forgive Octavia though."

"Madi I can't talk about that right now let's just go in"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou for reading. Let me know what you thought and see you tommorw ❤️❤️


	21. Please don't go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -I dont want to spoil this dramatic chapter but sorry about all the angst ❤️❤️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, hope your all good as always thanks for reading and let me know what you think, see you tomorrow ❤️
> 
> Warning--vivid description of pyshical abuse, Also I should warn a bit Clarkes mind and how she perceives her relationships but thats like the entire story line😂😂

Chapter 21: Please don't go

"Hey baby" Finn said coming up behind her hugging her, his fingernails scraping into her skin. 

Madi left soon after to meet up with one of her friends, Clarke was pretty sure she was going on a date with someone. Finn slid his hands up and down her leg for a while before grabbing them harshly and pulling her onto him.

"Madi was with Bellamy's sister last night, she said you were with Bellamy stuck in a storm." he growled forcing her to grind down on him.

"Why were you with him?" he shouted, flipping them over so he was on top of her.

"I can explain," she whispered scared for the abuse to come. She knew it would be bad but she knew she also deserved it, she had been out with Bellamy even though she had promised Finn she wouldn’t.

"Were you unfaithful?" he whispered, gently stroking his hand down the side of her face just like Bellamy had done hours ago. But now the gesture was threatening, a promise of the abuse to come.

"No, I promise i wasn't" she gazed up at his eyes hoping to convey her innocence when she felt a sharp pain in her left cheek where he had slapped her.

Pushing off of her, he grabbed her neck pulling her to stand before pushing her roughly against the wall as she let out a scream. He stalked away from her and she took her chance leaping across the room, her hand on the door. She was so close. She was so hopeful before her legs were taken out from under her, fear filling her as she lost all hope. He pulled her up this time by her hair, and she felt the ice cold touch of a blade by her neck.

"hush hush" he mumbled, pressing it onto her neck slightly as blood trickled down. She let out a scream and he dropped the knife instead wrapping his hands around her neck squeezing. And she knew that was it. She was going to die and the worst bit was she felt like she deserved it. She prayed for Madi, that it wouldn't be her who found her body, she prayed for Bellamy as she was gasping in her last gulps of air, as her head felt light, a white light appeared in front of her. She could almost reach out for it, instead she fell to the floor as he let go of her neck. She thumped onto the floor bent over sucking in breaths hard.

His blows came hard and frequently as he kicked her in the stomach before kneeling down on her abs, his hands thumping her, pinning her hands above her head as he kicked her. She let out scream after scream, the pain overwhelming her. Then darkness overcame her.

.   
. 

Bellamy had gone out to breakfast with Octavia which mainly involved her bullying him. He felt lighter since his trip with Clarke but he could help but be worried for her. How far could Finn go? What was he capable of? Returning home he couldn't hear shouting so he took that as a good sign. Just after 11 he heard the stairwell door opening before someone entered Clarke's apartment within seconds there was a loud scream.

"Clarke. Someone help. Help me" he heard Madi scream hysterically. Octavia was in the doorway before he was and he heard her intake of deep breath, the shaky release as she rushed forward to Clarke, checking her airways. 

"Call 911" she shouted.

"Octavia?" he asked.

"She has a pulse call 911"

The adrenaline kicked in and before he knew it he was rattling off his address, he couldn't get over all the blood. She looked so peaceful, yet her life was ebbing away from her. Madi was howling beside her, and it broke his heart. He swept up the young girl in his arms holding her close.

He was so scared that would be it. He'd never see her smile again, her laugh even her cry. They wouldn't get their happy ending, she wouldn't be happy, she'd be alone. He'd be alone. She couldn't die. Octavia took Madi off of him soothing her hair and whispering promises she shouldn't be in her ear. Bellamy leant down next to Clarke, his heart pounding as he took her pale hand.

"I can't lose you." he whispered, stroking her hair.

"You need to fight for me princess. Madi needs you, I need you" he sobbed, before the paramedics rushed in yanking him off her body.

"She's fading" one of them shouted. They had secured her and taken her down to the ambulance within minutes. Bellamy and Madi climbing in after.

"She will be fine, big brother" Octavia called after them.

~

As soon as they got to the hospital she was rushed away from them, as Bellamy held Madis shaking body.

"She can't die. She's all I got" she whispered looking up to Bellamy tears in her eyes.

"She won't. She's strong" he soothed praying to any god that would listen. He'd do anything to make sure she was okay.

"Are you the family of miss Griffin?" a nurse asked in a way to cheery tone for the situation.

"Yeah she's my legal guardian," Madi replied slowly, grabbing Bellamy's hand. 

"She is stable. Her emergency contact Finn Collins has been called you can go and see her now" the nurse said leading the way,

"You called Finn" he asked, voice rising, they were putting her in danger.

"Bellamy don't," Madi mumbled, squeezing his hand.

"Unbelievable" he muttered, safeguarding my arse.

"I'm sorry is there a problem Mr..."

"Blake, yes..."

"There is no problem, if you could show me the way," Madi said, grabbing Bellamy's lower arm.

"If you do this she'll never forgive you" Madi hissed.

"As long as she's safe" he whispered back in a hushed tone.

"Let's go see how she is first" Madi reasoned, she really was very clever for a 12 Yr old, he should be looking after her not the other way around. He gave her a small nod.

She was covered in tubes but still she managed to looked so calm,  
he looked down at Madi to gauge her reaction. She let out a little gasp and a cry before running over to her clambering into bed with her cuddling up to her side.

"Is that okay?" he asked the nurse quietly who gave him a small smile, "Yeah, it might help her wake up"

"When will she wake up?" he murmured, more to himself dreading the answer.

"We're still hopeful, talking to her will help"  
He wanted to scream or shout. They were doctors, they had medicine, technology surely they could help her? 

"Please, please, wake up" Madi whispered into her side, tears still rolling down her eyes.

"Hey hey," Bellamy soothed, stroking Madis back. Bellamy sat down in the chair, one hand holding Clarkes warm hand and the other holding Madis. He didn't even flinch when Finn stormed in his eyes blazing.

"Get out" he almost shouted at Bellamy.

"What" he spluttered confused a nurse coming in at the disturbance,

"You did this to her, get out" Finn stated, pointing at him, the nurse paling.

"I think you should leave" Finn reiterated, Madi sat up going to say something,

"Madi don't bother, phone me or text me if you need anything" he said as she leant up to hug him. He returned to the waiting room. He wasn't ready to leave Clarke, not with Finn around but there was no point to causing a scene with Finn or upsetting Madi, she didn't need that right now.

Finn lasted all of an hour before Bellamy saw him leave, waiting until the coast was clear he slipped back into the room with some food he'd brought for Madi. Who was still curled up on the side of Clarke talking to her quietly.

"Bellamy" Madi whispered, giving him a small smile accepting the sandwich he had bought her. They sat mainly in silence for another hour before Octavia called.

"Bell, how is she?" he gave Madis hand a small squeeze before taking the call in the corridor.

"I… she's not waking up," he said, trying hard not to cry.

"She will. She'll be fine, she's so strong."

"Yeah" he mumbled. He needed her to wake up.

"I'm gonna come to the hospital. I know we're in a fight but she's still my friend. 

"Okay i'll see you soon O" Returning to the room he suddenly remembered her mother,

"Mads does Abby know" he asked softly. By the way panic flitted through her eyes, he assumed not, confirmed by the small shake of her hand. It was at that moment Clarkes eyes shot open, scared and worried. Madi leant up so she would be in her eyesight soothing her hair.

"Clarke. It's me Madi. You are in a hospital, you are gonna be okay," she sobbed. Clarke tried to make some strangled reply or cough but the oxygen tube was still in her. Bellamy rushed out grabbing a nurse. Once the tube was out she tried again.

"Madi" she croaked out, her voice obviously killing her.

"I'm right here" Madi said, hugging her, Clarke winced slightly but Bellamy could see the small smile on her face.

"Miss Griffin. Welcome back. How are you feeling?"

"Like hell" she croaked now glancing around the room locking eyes with Bellamy. Neither one looked away, just staring at each other. The doctor brought them out the trance.

"Well your very lucky miss Griffin. You have a couple broken ribs, some very bad cuts that have been stitched up and bad bruises all round your neck however now you've woken up we are sure you'll be okay. We do need to talk to you about how this happened."

"Yeah" she said with a small croak.

"Sir if you'd step outside for this bit." The doctor asked, opening the door. They had thought he'd done it, while the thought of hurting Clarke physically pained him, he knew that it was right to investigate how it happened. He stood up smiling at Clarke, "Mads do you want to come with me we can quickly get some drinks" he asked.  
The doctor gave him a smile and a nod and Madi clambered off the bed grabbing onto Bellamy's hand.

"Please don't leave me Bell" Clarke croaked out, tears in her eyes.

"Hey, it's okay. I'll be right back, talk to the doctor and then I'll see you after" he soothed.

"I want you to stay" she said openly crying now her hand gripping his arm.

"Clarke," Octavia mumbled from the doorway going in and hugging her. 

"What's going on?" she asked, looking between her and Bellamy.

"She'll be okay, if you want your friend here, you can stay. And Bellamy and your daughter can come visit you again straight after you've answered some questions" The doctor compromised. Clarke stared up at Bellamy's eyes for a couple seconds and he gave her a small smile. Finally she nodded, dropping Bellamy's hand, he leant down kissing her on her forehead before leaving with Madi.

Octavia sat down in the chair next to Clarke holding her outstretched hand.

"We have some concerns, the bruising around your neck and your ribs have been kicked so hard that some broke. Furthermore your cuts were very deep, you even had one in your neck" The doctor stated calmly.

"I need to ask if you are in any danger of domestic abuse" The doctor asked. Clarke shook her head but Octavia couldn't stay quiet anymore.

"Yes she is. Her boyfriend Finn" Octavia started as Clarke dropped her hand.

"That's not true, we have arguments, yes but he wouldn't hurt me, Octavia just doesn't like him. I think she should wait outside" she bit out refusing to look at her.

"Clarke I care about..." O started. 

"Get out" Clarke snapped, her voice raising slightly.

She lied through the rest of the interview to protect Finn because she loves him. He never meant to hurt her. If anything she was in the wrong she had lied and hurt Finn emotionally.

Madi ran into the room as soon as the doctor left, Bellamy and Octavia left standing with the doctor.

"She won't tell me what really happened. She said she fell down the stairs. I'm sorry without her admitting that there's nothing we can do. She'll be released within a week, I'm meant to call her emergency contact to pick her up, but I think it'll be better if you guys drop her home." the doctor said giving them a sad smile before leaving.

They finally convinced Madi to go get some food with Octavia it had been hours since she'd nibbled at a sandwich. Clarke turned over facing Bellamy who sat on the chair beside her.

"Thank you. I'm sorry you guys had to find me like that" she whispered, tears in her eyes.

"Princess you have to tell them what happened," he pleaded, grabbing her hand.

"He didn't mean to. It won't happen again"

"You've said that to me at least 3 times and now you've ended up in hospital. I can't stand by and watch him kill you" he said voice trembling.

"He won't. It's not like that. Please just pl.. Please. I ne.. I ne.." she burst into tears.

"It's okay Clarke, I'm right here" he said stroking her cheek. She shivered pulling herself away, that same action Finn had mimicked hours before.

"Can you hold me" she whispered through her tears. She shuffled back and Bellamy laid down beside her as she tucked herself into his side, her head on his chest, holding her close as she sobbed, she always felt safe in his embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thinks and thanks for reading ❤️❤️


	22. Am I not enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Clarke goes to a bar  
> -Bellamy's jealous and protective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this may be the first chapter without a warning for something it other 😂😂
> 
> We got two more days before I break for Christmas
> 
> As always thankyou for reading and let me know what you think❤️❤️

Chapter 22- Am I not enough 

. 

The journey home was tense to say the least, their was some unresolved problem between Clarke and Octavia that Bellamy was to tired to try and understand what the fuck had happened. He managed to persuade her to stay at his apartment which was a miracle in itself, she was more than willing to go back to Finn. Which he couldn't comprehend, he beat her until she physically passed out, what did she see in him? Why wasn’t he enough? Finally she relented, flopping down onto his couch still shooting daggers at Octavia over the top of Madis head. She nibbled at her food but Bellamy guessed that was better than her not eating at all.

"Clarke, we need to talk about this," Octavia pleaded for about the fifth time that evening. Clarke refused to even answer instead gazing at the TV not replying at all. I think everyone was glad to hear the knock on the door.

"Clarke" Echo almost shouted, bouncing up to her hugging her tightly.

"Griffin what the fuck happened to your face" Murphy asked pulling her into a side hug and lighting a splint passing it over to her, as she took a drag.

"Not inside the house" Bellamy mocked shouted, as Clarke and Murphy ran around the apartment ducking behind the sofa taking long drags.

"Murphy this stuff is pathetic" she coughed out handing it over to him. 

"Yeah this stuff is much better" Echo laughed handing Clarke the bottle of Vodka, and she started downing it as if it was water. She really had a fucking skill.

"Pace yourself" Bellamy called lamely after her, scooping Madi up and placing her on his bed leaving the sofa clear for them to stumble on. Octavia looked over at Bellamy shooting him a warning look, he knew exactly what she was trying to say.

𝑆𝑒𝑒, 𝑠ℎ𝑒'𝑠 𝑡𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑏𝑙𝑒. 𝐷𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑠 𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑡𝑒 𝑠ℎ𝑒'𝑠 𝑤𝑎𝑙𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑜𝑤𝑛, 𝑑𝑟𝑢𝑔𝑠 𝑤𝑎𝑠ℎ𝑒𝑑 𝑑𝑜𝑤𝑛 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑎𝑙𝑐𝑜ℎ𝑎𝑙.

He tried to portray his own, 

𝑆ℎ𝑒'𝑠 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑚𝑜𝑚

but he couldn't really deny it, Clarke not even a day out of hospital was high as a fucking kite and now drunk as well. She was not walking but fucking running down a dangerous route. He repeated the thought to himself, Clarke is not his mother.

"Clarke guess what?" Murphy asked, hitting her in the shoulder, she let out a loud giggle before pushing him back, grabbing a pillow and whacking it in the side of Murphy’s head.

"Your viscous" he mumbled, giving her a shot and grinning as she downed it.

"Let's go out Murphy" She almost shouted her eyes lighting up with the idea.

"You are buzzed if you think Murphys gonna go out" Echo giggled coming to sit down with Clarke and Murphy behind the sofa.

"I am buzzed duh" she whispered and Murphy let out a snort.

"You've convinced me princess. Let's go to a nightclub" Murphy said holding his hand out and as she grabbed his, he pulled them both back up. Bellamy was ashamed to admit the jealousy that was bubbling up inside her. She was his princess not Murphys, he should be holding her hand. He tried to force a smile remembering she wasn't his anything.

Clarke and Echo rushed into his bathroom as he followed slowly, "Clarke a word" he mumbled and she stumbled into the bedroom.

"Yeah?" she asked sweetly like she had no idea what he was going to talk about.

"You think going out to a nightclub right now is a good idea. You haven't talked about anything, you are drunk, high, and I'm not really sure how to put this lightly an emotional wreck" he said trying to show with his eyes what he meant, how much he cared.

"You know how you get over that" she giggled "going out" she leant up to kiss him on the cheek.

"I'll look after Madi," Octavia shouted from the living room, Clarke seemed to give it some thought before replying, "Thanks O, we will talk later yeah" she said before dragging Echo out the apartment and into her own.

She was thankful Finn wasn't home but she had been a bit too drunk to care at the time as she pulled Echo through the living room throwing open her closet pulling out various dresses. Clarke ended up in a black fitted dress hugging every one of her curves, pushing up her large boobs that were covered slightly in lace at the top of the dress, the silk stopping halfway up her thighs. Echo curled Clarkes hair for her, putting half of it up and letting the rest fall against Clarkes shoulders. Echo herself had a tight fitting blue dress, plaiting her hair and securing it in a bun. Clarke pulled on some thin tights so the bruises on her legs would be covered, placing some makeup on her face and neck just enough to cover the cuts but not enough so it looked caked on.

"You look hot" Echo stated and now it was her pulling Clarke through the apartment finding Murphy and Bellamy at the door.

"Bellamy you are coming to?" she asked excitedly, grabbing his hand, he couldn't withhold the large smile that spread across his face.

"Of course I'm coming" he mumbled, as Murphy grabbed Clarkes other hand. They all managed to stumble into Bellamy's truck, as Murphy directed them to the nearest club.

It was crowded and Clarke followed Murphy closely to the bar leaning up against him as she did shot after shot. Him and Bellamy seemed to intimidate people enough that the worst she got was longing stares from across the room. Murphy dragged her outside lighting a joint as Bellamy leant in the doorway watching them. Clarke knew he was watching over her and that made butterflies wreak havoc on her stomach, ignoring the thought she took a long drag trying to hold in the cough threatening to break.

"Blakes territorial tonight" Murphy mumbled as she let out a snort.

"Yeah cause I was in hospital last night" she mumbled, stealing the cigarette out of his hand.

"Shit princess you should have told us," he said, grabbing her hand as they avoided looking at Bellamy’s scowl. Because it had to be unrelated right. After they finished smoking they stumbled back into the club, Echo had already gone home with some random guy. Clarke pulled both Bellamy and Murphy onto the dance floor.

"Come on Bell you've got to dance" she slurred, nodding to the couples more grinding their way along to the songs than anything else. It was pretty awkward as she stumbled between the two of them.

"I'm going to get more shots" Murphy screamed over the music and Clarke gave a smile holding up 2 fingers.

"Bellamy how many do you want?" Murphy asked obviously too drunk to remember Bellamy was their driver and way out of this.

"None" he shouted and Murphy rolled his eyes walking off.

Bellamys attention now fully on Clarke as she reached out for him pulling him behind her, so his front was pressed into her back. His hands found their way to her hips running circles on top of her ridiculously short dress. She looked so good, he wasn't surprised that loads of people had tried to approach her, he was just glad he looked scary when he was pissed off. Her hair was tickling his chin and revealing her bare neck. If he just leant forward his mouth could reach it, marking her as he made her scream. As a more up beat song came on she circled her hips much like she had in the motel room. All of those feelings came rushing back, hitting him all at once, he couldn't help it when he rocked forward as she rolled her hips back letting out a little moan. Her hands reaching up behind her, both tangling into his hair. The noises she was making were killing him, her little sigh, her moan, something between a gasp and an exhale as she continued to circle her hips. Bellamy nearly decked his best friend when he returned with the shots and Clarke pulled away grinning sheepishly at him before downing her shots.

. 

"You are so pretty Bellamy," she mumbled, stroking his hair as he supported her to the car.

"What about me?" Murphy shouted and she pulled herself off of Bellamy flopping into Murphy’s arm,

"You are pretty in a different way. Your like nice, cute and Bellamys like hot, you know someone you'd fuck just cause they look that good" Bellamy tried to hide his choking sound when she said that but it pretty much failed as a wide grin spread on his face without his permission.

"Gee thanks," Murphy mumbled, tickling her as she squealed, hiding behind Bellamy for protection.

"You're pretty too" he whispered as he buckled her into the front seat, a deep blush spreading through her cheeks as she grinned up at him.

Octavia was already asleep as he directed, Clarke and Murphy into the apartment, Murphy curled up on a ball on the beanbag. Bellamy grabbed Clarkes arm leading her through to the bed. She lifted her arms up over her head, grinning as she whispered 

"Help me" she mumbled something that even he wasn't sure, as he stepped into the room more, his heart beating faster. He carefully slipped off her dress before putting one of his tops back on her.

"I never get to choose anything," she mumbled looking at him.

"Finn controls what you do?"

"Yeah, I just wanted to feel something. To do something. It was stupid and irresponsible but I needed it. I had fun" she whispered a small smile on her face as he grinned back at her.

"Me too princess but you've got to get some sleep now" he whispered back helping her into the bed next to Madi, kissing her forehead.

"Night Princess"

"Sleep tight Bell" she slurred letting sleep take her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think and see you tomorrow ❤️


	23. Love means sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically I set up to next chapter but we have some angst of course

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will update again today and then I've decided I will also update tommorw ❤️

Chapter 23- Love means sacrifice 

.

Her head was worse than a dull ache like her normal hangover more like a piercing throbbing pain. She looked around and she noted it was Bellamy’s bed, it was surprising how much she had woken up there, and how comfortable she was waking up there. She tried to recall memories of last night, coming up mainly blank. She smoked far too much with Murphy, Bellamys protective glare, was her imagination or was Bellamy keeping her closer than usual.

Finally it came back to her, shit she had grinded on Bellamy on the dance floor at least she could blame the alcohol. She knew she was going to have to tell Bellamy that she was going back to Finn that she forgave him. She knew it was going to be hell, but she loved Finn, she had to. Finn was her boyfriend, her everything, and she had to forgive him for anything. Her head only throbbed more as she pulled herself out of bed, stroking Madis hair and giving her a kiss before she wandered into the living room, kitchen.

"Clarke" Murphy mumbled, grabbing her hand and pulling her down onto the beanbag. Bellamy tried not to growl, it wasn't his place but that was things he wanted to do with Clarke. Jealousy filled him up again, she was sitting with Murphy, head on his shoulder.

"Clarke coffee," he said trying to keep his voice calm, she wiggled off of the bean bag, and coming to stand next to him, before he could pick up a coffee cup from the side to give to her, her arms reached round his neck pulling him in a tight hug, his hands resting on her hips as her head collided with his chest.

"You okay princess" he whispered, one of his hands rising to tangle on her hair.

"I'm so sorry for what I have to do next," she mumbled, pulling away and looking up at his confused face before gently kissing his cheek.

"Sorry for what Clarke" he whispered voice breaking.

"I have to go back to Finn" she whispered trying to smile but it didn't reach her eyes.

Pain flashed through his eyes as he pulled her back into a hug, just standing there tangled together in the kitchen.

"Please don't" he whispered into her hair, holding her tight so she couldn't pull away, eventually she collapsed into his embrace.

"Clarke" Madi mumbled from where she stood in the doorway, Clarke pulled away and turned to her, trying not to blush.

"Hey Mads" she replied, hugging her and then handing her the mildly cold coffee now. They left that morning sneaking out when Bellamy was in the shower. She felt bad, so bad because she didn't know when she would see him again but she was also protecting him. She gave Murphy a hug, before turning to Octavia, 

"Hey if Finn goes to the pub tonight I'll text you. You can come over and we'll talk" she said.

Clarke could see Octavia wanted to say wait for Bellamy but instead she gave a short nod, and Clarke left her sanctuary. Hands trembling as she pulled open her apartment door.

Finn was lounging on the sofa, his head whipped round as the door opened a smile plastered on his face.

"How are you feeling baby?" Finn asked approaching her, her body involuntarily shaked, as she took a hesitant step back away from him.

"Clarke lets just go please," Madi pleaded, grabbing her hand.

"Hey Madi can you go and buy us some food," Finn asked, giving her a sickly fake smile pulling out some money and thrusting it into her hand.

Madi looked between them both and when Clarke nodded she gave her hand a tight squeeze before retreating out the apartment and down the hall.

"How are you feeling?" Finn asked, again grabbing her hand softly and leading her to the sofa.

"You hurt me and then left me" she cried shrinking away from his touch.

"I'm so sorry baby. I didn't know what I was doing and then when I saw what I did I was so angry with myself, I was so scared you wouldn't be okay. What I did was unacceptable but I love you Clarke I've never meant to hurt you."

Clarke was so swept up in him. So sure it was all she's ever known for so long. Finn loved her, Finn was her everything. No one else would love her except Finn. Love means sacrifice and if she loved Finn she could forgive him.

"I know you didn't" she whispered, giving her body over to the numbness, relenting into his hug. She forgave him, she always would. She chose him.

They stayed curled up together for the rest of the afternoon, everything was back to normal. The next week passed quickly, Clarke was back at work, as was Finn. Madi was annoyed at Clarke, staying out at Bellamys for as long as possible each night. Clarke hadn't seen him but she knew he was hurt that she'd just left, but she couldn't do it any other way, she wasn't strong enough that if he'd begged her to stay with him she would have had the strength to say no, to choose Finn. 

Her mother's wedding was quickly approaching, and while the plan had been for her to be the maid of honour, that had fallen to Abby's friend, which made sense, Clarke wasn't there to make these decisions Diana was.

"Hey Finn remember the weddings this weekend," Clarke reminded him as they were having dinner.

"Oh I had forgot I'm sorry Clarke but I have an assignment this weekend"

Clarke knew it was coming, he never cared for her family. It was them against the world.

"This is really important to me Finn, can't you change it," she pleaded, shooting a warning look at Madi as she went to say something.

"We need the money Clarke, you two can go" he suggested with a nod at Madi. 

"It's a long way to drive on my own" she mumbled looking sadly at Finn. 

"Well get someone else to come as well then" he snapped and Madi had shot out of her seat before either of them could say anything. 

"Madi don't," Clarke tried but she was out the door before she could listen. Returning 10 minutes later,   
"Bell said he would come," she said, smirking at Clarke, Finn's jaw clenched and she could see him trying to get his anger under control. 

"Fine," he muttered, walking out the apartment slamming the door behind him. Clarke wanted to be mad but she couldn't be. Bellamy coming made her heart feel a little light, and something flutter in her stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading let me know what you think ❤️


	24. I don't want to hate you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Bellarke fluff  
> -Bellarke healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second one of the day, this is just basically bellarke healing and obviously Madi fluff

Chapter 24- I don't want to hate you 

She knew he was still mad at her but he chose to come anyway that gave her more hope than it probably should have. Friday evening found them piling into Bellamy's truck. They hadn't shared a single word whilst lugging all their stuff downstairs. 

"Madi, how do you have so much stuff?" Clarke laughed, handing her takeaway coffee from the local store. 

"It's not too late for you," Bellamy mumbled, taking the coffee cup out of her hand taking a sip. 

"Heyyy" Madi said, mocked offended as Clarke let out a laugh. 

"Yeah you wouldn't want to end up like me, I drink like 5 cups of coffee a day" Clarke laughed sliding into the seat next to Bellamy as he started the car. 

He didn't talk to her for the first 3 hours of the journey, Madi fell asleep after about an hour and deprived of her constant chatter the silence was definitely not comfortable.

"Bellamy I.."

"No, you don't get to do this."

"Bellamy I'm sorry"

"I don't have anything to say to you Clarke, not anymore. I'm here for Madi, not you" he said quietly and she willed the tears not to come, because he was right, she didn't deserve him.

"Okay" she admitted softly, they swapped drivers a while later as Madi woke. She knew he was pretending to be asleep so he wouldn't have to talk to her.

They stopped for lunch in a small dinner, it was amazing how long Bellamy managed to avoid talking to her, it was a fucking talent.

"Clarke, can I have the chips and bacon burger?" Madi asked, a smile on her face as she sat down next to Clarke.

"Yeah of course you can," she mumbled pulling her into a hug, 

"You know I love your right Madi, what ever happens at this wedding I need you to know that"

"Your family is never anything more than passive aggressive to me, it'll be fine" she said back.

"Hey I ordered the drinks," Bellamy mumbled, sitting down opposite them. Bellamy managed not to mutter 5 words to her the whole time to the hotel, despite having in-depth conversations with Madi 

.

It was gone 9 when they arrived at the hotel and Madi had passed out on the back seat, once they checked in, Bellamy carried Madi up to the bed she was sharing with Clarke.

. 

Clarke was out on the balcony smoking a cigarette to calm her nerves, but mainly to avoid any awkward conversation with Bellamy. But there was no such luck when he walked out anyway,

"Smoking kills Clarke"

"We're all going to die anyway"

"mmmh"

"Your really not going to talk to me,"

She saw him struggling to keep his resolve,

"Fine whatever Bellamy" she snapped dropping her cigarette on the floor before stomping inside slamming the balcony door shut. She shouldn't be mad, she knew that, she was the one in the wrong. She had hurt him, but it didn't mean she wasn't hurt aswell. 

Madi was taking up pretty much the entire double bed, which was impressive given the size of her. She wanted to scream, shout maybe punch something but she couldn't so instead she sat against the wall trying to remember how to breathe. It felt like something heavy taking over her every sense, then all she could feel was dizzy. She was falling, she couldn't see or hear anything over her heart beat, that seemed louder than ever before. It was an out of body experience, she could hear someone calling her, but it was too far away. Her skin felt clammy, she couldn't cope, she could breathe.

"Clarke. Clarke"

She heard a scream, loud and distant whoever it was, they were hurting they were in pain.

"Clarke" The voice sounded desperate, she tried to focus, but everything was too hard.

"Clarke, Madi needs you. I need you. Stand up and fight"

Madi needed her. Her eyes snapped open searching for the girl, was she okay? Where was she? 

Suddenly everything crashed down on her. She had been screaming. It had been Bellamy calling her, from their shared hotel room.

She looked up at him and she could see him relax, pulling away from her. All the kindness in his eyes faded and he was back to being neutral. Back to being mad at Clarke.

"Madi" she gasped out eyes darting to try and relocate her, her mind was muffled and fuzzy.

"She's fine, she is asleep," Bellamy said, all emotion gone from his voice as he stood walking away from her and sitting on his bed.

"Okay" she muttered out, trying to get Bellamy to hold eye contact with her. But whenever he did it looked like it physically pained him.

"I don't want you to hate me" she whispered looking up at his eyes.

"I don't want to hate you either"

"But part of you does?" she asked, tears in her eyes. Everything hurt too damn much.

"I hate this situation. I hate what we are now, you used to be my best friend" he whispered, before grabbing his pj's off the bed, and he was gone. As she sat there alone with her thoughts.

.

It wasn't a very restful night, with Madi kicking her half to death but it was nothing compared to her own thoughts. It had just gone 3, when Bellamy whispered

"You think too loud"

To which she let out a forced chuckle dragging herself out of bed to the bathroom. When she emerged from the bathroom Bellamy rolled over to face her.

"Madi looks to be taking up most of the bed, if you want you can share mine" he whispered, not meeting her eyes.

"I thought you hated me" she whispered back trying to avoid how much she wanted to crawl into bed with him.

"I don't hate you" he whispered back passion in his voice.

"Could have fooled me" she snarled back walking round his bed, but his hand shot out gently grabbing her wrist as he tugged it, turning her round to face him.

"I don't think I could ever hate you Clarke," he said softly but his voice was so sure his eyes never wavering from her own. He shuffled over leaving space for her. She gave him a small smile.

"I mean you are a bit annoying," he teased a smirk on his face.

"You are an arse," she laughed, as she scrambled into bed with him. Her head on his shoulder as his arm curled protectively around her. She felt like she was home, like she was safe.

"Night Bell"

"Night princess"

The morning came far too quickly and with it the blaring sound of her alarm. It felt so warm and safe, she didn't want to pull away from Bellamy who was still tucked around her, his head buried in her neck.

"Clarke" Madi whispered, clambering into bed with them hugging Clarke. 

"Morning Mads," she smiled, into her head, her hand stroking her hair.

"I don't want to get up," she whispered into Clarke.

"I'll buy you coffee?" Clarke mumbled back.

"Don't do it Mads," Bellamy sleepily whispered into Clarkes collarbone. She could feel every breath hitting her and it made her entire skin tingle with desire. Pushing anything but PG thoughts out her head, she pulled herself out of bed and with her Madi. 

"You might grow two heads with the amount of coffee you guys drink" Bellamy stated wearily sitting up. His hair unruly and his eyes only half wake, Clarke had to disguise her hitch in breath. That was until her phone started ringing, a picture of her and Finn wrapped up together, smiles plastered on their face.

"Hey Finn," she said through the phone feeling Bellamy's head whip round to watch her. Mumbling something under her breath she slipped out into the hallway 

"Just wanted to ask what time you'll be home" Finn said. Clarke could hear people I'm the background he clearly had people round or was out somewhere, even though it was barely 8 o clock. 

"We're not back till Sunday night Finn"

"I thought the wedding was today" he snapped and Clarke had to hold in bed retort. 

"Yeah it is but I have plans on Sunday with Mom and Kane before they go on their honeymoon"

"Oh"

"I'm sorry Finn, I wish you were here" she lied, suddenly feeling guilty about how little she had missed him in the last couple of days. With no reply he hung up leaving Clarke just a little confused. What was the problem?

By the time she walked back into the hotel room, Madi and Bellamy were dressed playing uno on the bed. Smiling at the scene she grabbed her clothes before having a quick shower.

She was just about to exit the bathroom, the door was cracked open, Bellamy and Madi were still sitting on his bed.

"I wish you could see where we used to live," Madi said, looking at Bellamy.

"Yeah"

"I guess it was Clarkes but she always made it feel like my home too. I always felt protected there"

"You don't feel protected at the flat" Bellamy asked looking up at her, worry in his eyes.

"Clarke will always protect me. I don't feel scared not for me. But I am worried for Clarke"

Bellamy dropped her gaze but didn't reply so she continued.

"We both know Finn hurts Clarke" Madi mumbled. Clarkes breathing increased. She didn't realise Madi was aware, she always tried to hide it from her but then again she had been in hospital. 

"And I just don't get it. Why would she stay with someone like Finn?" she asked, looking up at Bellamy.

"Because she loves him" he bit out anger penetrating his voice.

"But why would she love him when she has you?" she asked and she could see Bellamy's face flushing.

"Has me?" he mumbled back.

"Yeah you love her right?" Madi asked hope glimmering in her eyes. Clarke felt physically sick. Bellamy couldn't like her that way and it would hurt way too much to hear him reject her. Quickly she slammed the door shut behind her stepping out into the hotel room.

"Hey guys" she mumbled. Bellamy looked like a deer caught in headlights as he ran a shaky hand through his hair.

"Oh hey Clarke" Madi smirked grinning at Bellamy.

"You guys ready, I thought we could show Bellamy around before our dress fittings just after lunch" Clarke suggested grabbing her coat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think and see you tomorrow ❤️


	25. I love her too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellarke fluff and bonding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone, I hope you have a great day.  
> As a present to you this is mainly bellarke fluff 🌲

Chapter 25- I love her too

.

"Come on, let's go," Clarke said grabbing, Bellamys hand, as they trailed behind Madi down the hotel corridor. 

"You okay?" he asked her, squeezing her hand. She flashed him a quick smile, 

"Yeah. I'll be fine" 

Madi grabbed Bellamy's other hand, and it felt so domestic, like they were a family. 

"Bellamy, you are going to die, Clarkes house is like a mansion and the dress her mom wants her to wear is literally a princess dress" Madi said. 

"Is it now?" he said grinning at Clarke and poking her in the side. 

"Shut up" 

"Omg does she have a crown" Bellamy laughed, asking Madi who just giggled. 

"She really will be your princess tonight" Madi laughed, Clarke physically choked on her drink, a deep blush on Bellamy's cheek. 

For the rest of the morning, they showed Bellamy around the town, his favourite place by far was the old bookstore. As they sat back down at the hotel eating lunch, Clarke pulled out a package for Bellamy. 

"Hey Bell, I've got something for you" she said a small smile on her face, and Madi went off to get some juice, passing over the parcel. 

"Clarke you didn't have too" 

"Shut up and open it," she laughed. His face broke into a large smile, as he stroked the 1st edition book of the 𝐼𝑙𝑖𝑎𝑑.   
Gently he took out the book, his thumb stroking it as he looked up at her, their eyes locking. 

"Thank you Clarke" 

"I know you said your mom read it to you as a child" she said gently, as Bellamy grabbed Clarke pulling her into a hug, his head on her shoulder. 

"Thanks Princess" 

"No. Thank you Bellamy for everything," 

~

When Bellamy opened the door, his breath was taken away, Clarke was in a dark blue fitted ball gown, the back completely open and the front covered in lace and diamonds. Her hair in long curls, 

"You look stunning," 

"Thank you Bellamy," she whispered, leaning up to kiss his cheek, affection running all through him. 

Madi was also in a blue dress long and flowery. 

"You look nice Mads," Bellamy said, pulling her into a hug. 

"Come on, let's go" Madi said, tugging them to the door. For the life of her, Clarke couldn't work out why the fuck Madi was so excited to get there, all that was awaiting was literal hell. Bellamy grabbed Clarkes hand squeezing it gently, 

"You'll be fine" he whispered in her ear, ignoring how close she was. 

~

The wedding was beautiful, but no one would expect anything else. The flowers probably cost more then her apartment rent. Madi and Bellamy sat at the front, smiling whenever Clarke caught their eyes from where she stood next to Abby. 

When finally she was released from the photos, Madi ran up to her throwing herself in Clarkes arm, tears streaming down her face. 

"Hey baby, what is wrong?" she said, dread filling her stomach

"You are okay, I've got you, I've got you" she whispered into Madi hair, as she looked up at Bellamy. 

"Some women approached her, grabbed her arm, shouting about how she was her mother and belonged to her. I intervened, the woman's still outside." Bellamy said softly and she could see how upset he was, she grabbed his hand, squeezing it gently. 

He saw something like determination fill her eyes, he saw Clarke as a mother who would do anything to protect her daughter. 

"Mads, baby, I need you to stay here with Bellamy" she said, passing the girl into Bellamy arms before she stormed outside. 

~

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" Madi's biological mother, Eileen, screamed as soon as Clarke got close. 

"I am her parental guardian and you need to get the fuck of my property" she said back, an equal amount of fury reflecting back in Clarkes eyes, as she stared Eileen.

"She is my daughter." Eileen snapped, 

"You can't look after her, you are an addict" Clarke said as calmly as possible, she wasn't trying to hurt her, that was never her intention but she would always do whatever was needed to protect Madi. 

"She is my daughter" Eileen repeated, seeming at a loss for words. 

"She is my daughter too. You need to stay the fuck away from us" Clarke snapped, whipping round but before she could walk away the women grabbed her arm. 

"Clarke," Madi shouted hysterically, running to get to her, grabbing her other hand. 

"You okay Clarke?" Bellamy said, coming to stand behind her, the tension only leaving his body slightly when she nodded her head. The women still clinging onto Clarke's hand. 

"Madi, you are coming home with me" Eileen said. Bellamy saw the way Madis eyes filled with fear. 

"No she isn't" Bellamy said, pushing the woman's hand off Clarkes arm before standing in front of Madi and Clarke. He felt the need to protect them, to defend them.

"You are not my mother. Not anymore. I have Clarke and Bellamy, I don't need any other parents" Madi snapped, burying her head in Clarke's shoulder. Bellamy tried not to be affected by her words but he was and he knew Clarke would be too. She had counted him as a parent type figure and words couldn't describe how good that felt. 

Clarke saw the pain flood the women's eyes and as much as she felt guilty about it, she brought it upon herself. She may not be Madis biological mother but she loved her more than anything in the world. 

"You need to leave" Clarke snapped, as Madi hugged Clarke clinging to her. When the women retreated, Bellamy was overcome with emotion, he spun around pulling Clarke and Madi into a hug, they stayed there clinging to each other before finally Clarke pulled away. 

"Come on Mads let's get out of here," she said smiling to Bellamy and grabbing her hand pulling them to the truck. She didn't care about leaving her mom or the wedding, all she cared about was the two people right there in front of her. 

"Where are we going Clarke?" Bellamy asked, it was unusual for him not to be sitting in the driver's seat, instead Clarke was driving her somewhere. After about 20 minutes she stopped the truck and he realised she had taken them to a Drive in theatre. 

Madi faced lighted up, as Clarke slipped out the car buying pillows, blankets and snacks from the little shop. It was a family owned business, one the lightbournes had owned for ages. She gave Josephine a smile and wave as she made her way back to the truck. Bellamy helped her lay out the blankets, on the back of the flat pack truck, giving each of them a pillow as they settled in the back. Clarke was leant up against Bellamy, Madi laying on their legs half asleep exhausted from the day. 

Casablanca started playing, Bellamy hand coming to grab Clarkes rubbing circles on the back of it. 

"Want to talk about it," he whispered, 

"I love her so much, I'd do anything for her" Clarke whispered back. 

"I know you would" 

"You are very important to her, Bellamy. You're very important to both of us," Clarke said, not knowing how to get the message across. 

"You two are very important to me to Clarke. When I saw her there, when she started shouting at Madi, I realised how far I'd go to protect her," He loved them, it was a big realisation just how much he wanted them to be a family. 

"Thank you Bellamy, so much."

"It's no problem," he replied. 

~

"Hey princess" Bellamy said softly as her eyes shot open, the film was playing its credit, Madi had moved and was curled up the other side of Bellamy, she gave a sleepy smile, at the sight of them.

"Come on let's get back to the hotel," he whispered picking up Madi and strapping her in the back, placing a blanket around her, 

"Want to stay in the back with her?" he asked, squeezing her shoulders. 

She leant down to kiss Madis forehead, before shaking her head, 

"No its okay, she is asleep anywhere" she said, wanting nothing more to curl up with Bellamy. 

"Come on then," he said, tugging her along to the front, as soon as Bellamy pulled off the site, Clarkes head found his shoulder, her body tucking into the side of his.

When they got to the car park, Clarke pulled away, following Bellamy who was carrying Madi upstairs. He gently laid Madi down on the bed, as Clarke leant up giving him one last hug before slipping into bed with Madi. 

Bellamy had far too many thoughts to sleep. First of all, how much he wanted them to be a family. Second of all how many times he had hugged Clarke today, he definitely wasn't complaining about her sudden urge of affectionate behaviour. He slipped into a comfortable sleep, with dreams of blonde hair and blue eyes. 

Bellamy was woken by a loud scream, but before he could get there to wake Clarke up, Madi had and Clarke had fled out onto the balcony. 

"It's okay Madi, I've got it, you can go back to sleep," he said softly, she gave a small nod, glancing nervously outside, 

"I promise she will be fine," Bellamy continued, seeming somewhat reassured she laid back down. 

Grabbing his duvet he stepped out into the cool air of the balcony, 

"Hey Princess, you cold," he said, coming to sit next to her, tucking the duvet over both of them. 

"Madi okay?" she asked tucking her head on his shoulder, 

"Yeah she's fine, you okay?" he asked, when the tears started rolling down her face. He pulled her into his lap, as her arms wrapped around her neck. 

"I've got you, I've got you," Eventually when her tears stopped, he took her inside, seeing as she was still clinging to him, he placed her into his bed, crawling in next to her, and they fell asleep tangled together. 

~

"It won't be that bad, Clarke" Madi said from where she was tucked into bed beside Clarke, Bellamy still asleep on Clarke. 

"I left her wedding, without saying goodbye, it's not going to be good Mads" 

"Thank you for yesterday, you know I love you right," Madi said, placing a kiss on her cheek, the one hand that wasn't holding Bellamys came to wrap around her, pulling Madi closer. 

"Of course I do, Madi I would do anything to protect you and I think Bellamy would too" Bellamy knew it was probably wrong to fake sleep but he couldn't help listening to the end of the conversation. 

"Yeah I think he would, I think of him like family, is that okay?" Her voice was hesitant, Clarke wanted to reach out and hug her. She thought of Bellamy as family too. 

"Of course it is darling, he is our family" she said, Bellamy tried not to give himself away by squeezing Clarke or actually saying something, it was a private conversation between mother and daughter. 

"Clarke why do you stay with Finn?" 

"Come on, up we get," she said slowly shaking Bellamy, 

"Morning Princess, Madi, what are we doing today?" he asked, helping Clarke change the subject. 

~

The sandy beach where they were meeting up with her mother was beautiful and of course the Griffin's had a private section. Bellamy was properly introduced to Abby and Markus Kane, after Clarke made up some lie up about going home because she felt ill yesterday. 

"Where's Finn?" Her mother asked Clarke barley looking at Bellamy, 

"He couldn't come, This is Bellamy my best friend" She introduced. While part of him liked to be her anything the other part was reminded they wouldn't ever be together. 

"Well it's nice to have you guys" Markus said, as they all sat down on the blanket. 

"Come on Clarke let's go in to the water," Madi pleaded yet, 

"Fine fine" she agreed, stripping off her beach dress to reveal a two piece. Bellamy tried not to stare at her but he was pretty sure he failed spectacularly. He could see them splashing around jumping on each other's back. 

~

"Who do you think you are?" Abby spat out, and he turned round warily to her. 

"Sorry" 

"Who do you think you are to hang around my daughter? It's obvious you are bad for her. Clarke and Finn are good for each other, she's already had her life destroyed by Madi who she refuses to give up on. She does not need you too. Just leave her alone," Abby snapped, all Bellamy could feel was anger and the need to protect and defend Madi. 

"I'm sorry but who do you think you are? How dare you talk about Madi in the way. Your daughter loves Madi more than anything and if she heard you talk about her that way, she'd refuse to speak to you ever again. Now to me, who was there all those nights she was crying about her dad. It wasn't you Abby, it was me" She looked stunned to be talked back to, but Bellamy was angry. For Clarke, for Madi, for him. Pulling off his top he walked down into the water to join them. 

"Hey Bellamy," Clarke said, splashing him, as he entered the sea. 

"You are so dead," he said, sending tidal waves of water over both of them. 

"Okay we give up," Madis said, jumping up towards Bellamy as he caught her. Swinging her round the water before he puts her back down. 

"You okay? It looked pretty heated" Clarke whispered coming to stand next to Bellamy as they watched Madi trying to do handstands. 

"Yeah, it's fine" 

"Tell me what it was about?" 

"Clarke I don't want to upset you?" 

"But it upset you Bellamy and that's not okay. She doesn't get to hurt you, just tell me what she said" 

He cursed himself for never being able to say no to her. 

"She told me to stay away from you," he lowered his voice so they were out of earshot of Madi, "she said Madi had already ruined your life enough" The anger he felt was nothing to the anger showing on her face. 

"Princess just stay here, you don't have to start an argument with your mom. She's your family" 

"You are my family too Bellamy, you and Madi," she leant up, placing a kiss on his cheek, then storming off to her mother. Before Bellamy could stop her Madi ran off following her. 

"How dare you talk about my family like that," Clarke screamed, at her mom. 

"Baby you don't understand, you don't see what I see. This is not the life I wanted for you," 

"No this is better than the life I could ever ask for. Madi is my daughter and if you don't accept her, you will lose us both from your life and Bellamy he is my best friend, and you will not say a bad word about him again. Do you understand me?" she shouted. Bellamy tried to pull Madi away but she stayed firm, grabbing Bellamy's hand. 

"Clarke I." Abby cheeks flushed with colour. 

"No, grow up, you can talk to me when you accept the people I love" Bellamys heart literally broke out of his chest. The people she loved. Does that include him? Did she love him? His mind was whirling too much to see her turn around, a surprised look on her face. 

With that she turned on her heels, stunned to see them there, she blushed at Madi and Bellamy as she obviously didn't hear them approach, she grabbed Bellamy and Madis hand pulling her away from her mother and Markus and towards the truck. 

"Can we go get some food?" Madi said and Clarke could have kissed her for the distraction from the awkward silence. 

"Yeah of course we can Mads," Bellamy said, jumping into the driver's seat giving Clarke a small smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, let me know what you think and see you tomorrow ❤️


	26. You are my family to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the love 
> 
> And I’m back, I would describe this as the calm before the storm😂❤️❤️
> 
> Warnings- description of nightmares

**Chapter 26-** **_You are my family too_ **

The journey home was completely opposite to the journey a couple of days ago, when Madi fell asleep, Bellamy and Clarke chatted about everything and anything. Only stopping when Octvaias name popped up on Bellamy's phone. 

"Hey O," Bellamy said, putting her on speaker phone. 

"Hey Bell, how was the wedding?" 

Bellamy glanced at Clarke who gave her a nod, turning to look out the window. 

"There was a bit of drama with Madis biological mother."

"Are her and Clarke okay?" 

"Yeah we're fine O" 

"Oh hey Clarke" 

"hiya" It was awkward but at least they were talking, that was something. To be honest Bellamy would fucking take it. 

~

It was hard to settle into everyday life, not being able to see Bellamy as much it felt like it physically hurt her. Madi was still going round most nights because she didn't want to hang around with Finn. Monday night Clarke and Finn were curled up together, when Madi ran in

"Bye Clarke, I'm going to Bells, love you" she said, giving her a kiss before she rushed out the door. 

"All she does is spend time over there" Finn snapped. 

"Yes, well Bellamy is an important part in Madis life" She wanted to add how Bellamy was an important part in Clarkes life too. 

"How long is she staying, because I can't even use the couch half the time" he said kissing up his neck. Anger filled her, because Madi was the most important thing in her life. 

"Finn, I am her guardian, and she is my family. She's not going anyway" she tried to keep the coolness out her voice. 

"You never take me into consideration" 

"Finn I love you of course I do, but she is my daughter, and I'm going to go spend time with her now" She said pulling away, angry at Finn. 

"Hey guys," Clarke shouted as she walked in coming to sit down next to Bellamy. 

"Want to play cluedo with us" he asked, his hand resting on her thigh as she pretended it wasn't doing anything un PG to her. 

"Okay,"

Madi pulled out Harry Potter cluedo, setting it up, handing out the cards. The game was honestly very confusing, groaning Clarke threw her head against Bellamy's shoulders. 

"I give up, I will never learn how to play this game" Bellamy chuckled putting his arm around her shoulders and pulling her close, 

"Mads let's play uno, at least give Clarke a chance," he said, Madi grabbed the popcorn from the kitchen, 

"or we could just watch a movie" she said curling up next to Clarke, Madi's head on her lap. 

"Yeah, let's watch Harry Potter," Clarke said, one hand stroking Madis hair out her face the other hand grabbing Bellamy's hand as she leant into his warmth. 

"Okay but I need to eat a chocolate frog" Clarke giggled. 

"But like what if it jumped around as you were trying to eat it" he laughed back. 

By the end of the movie, Madi was fully out of it. Gently Bellamy picked her up and laid her down on his bed, sitting down next to her, as she let out a scream, 

"No please" While he knew she had nightmares, he never witnessed first hand what they were like. 

"Madi, Mads can you hear me" he said gently pulling her against his chest, as she sobbed. 

"It's okay Madi I've got you" Clarke obviously heard and rushed in, but stopped short and the sight of Bellamy cradling Madi, she was pretty sure her heart grew three sizes. 

"You okay Madi?" she asked, coming to sit next to Bellamy, Madi nodded grabbing her hand. No one talked, they just sat there together, Bellamy still hugging Madi as she held Clarke's hand. 

"I didn't know they were that bad," Bellamy whispered after he was sure Madi was asleep. 

"Like mother, like daughter I guess" she whispered back. 

"You guys should sleep, I'll take the couch" he said gently, easing Madi out his arms and into Clarkes as he pulled the covers over them. Leaning down he kissed them both on the forehead, squeezing Clarke's hand one more time before he left. 

~

Clarke was having the worse day, a child had bled out on the table, and she hadn't been able to save her. She couldn't just go home to Finn and pretend everything was okay. It had been a week since she last saw Bellamy when they slept over after Madis nightmare, Finn had been annoyed but when wasn't he? Madi was staying over at her friends house which is how she found herself in the bar Bellamy works at. 

"Princess," Murphy shouted, spinning her in a circle as he hugged her. Bellamy tried not to feel jealous, it wasn't his place, she had a boyfriend. 

"Hey Murphy, want to give me a drink?" she said following him to a bar, as he poured her a shot. 

"Hey princess, you okay?" 

"Not really," he grabbed her hand, giving her a small smile. 

She stayed until closing time, when Bellamy walked her home, 

"I lost a patient today, she was Madis' age and I couldn't save her," she whispered, clinging onto Bellamy, as he held her. 

"It wasn't your fault" he whispered, wanting nothing more than to take her pain away. He clung onto her as desperately as she clung onto him. 

That night as she laid down next to Finn, all she could think about was Bellamy, he took over every one of her senses, everyone of her thoughts. 

~

"Hey Mads" Bellamy said as she came to sit down at the table. He could see something was wrong, she was upset but trying to hide it. 

"What's up?" he asked, she didn't answer for a while just looking at him, probably trying to work out how trustworthy he is. 

"I got a letter today," she said slowly glancing at Bellamy. 

"Okay?" 

"It's from my biological grandparents. They want me to stay for a weekend with them" 

The information shocked Bellamy, he hadn't realised there were grandparents, he knew he had to approach it carefully. 

"How do you feel about that?" he asked, feeling a lot like a therapist. 

"They were always nice. They didn't like how Eileen raised me. They met Clarke once or twice. They said she could stay too" 

"Do you want to go and spend the weekend?" he asked gently, going to get her a glass of water. 

"It's not like it will make a difference. You and Clarke, your all I've got. Me going to spend a night there won't change anything. And part of me wants to go but I don't want to hurt Clarke," Madi said, trying hard not to cry as he pulled her into a hug. 

"Clarke just wants you to be happy Mads." he said, pulling away as he led her to the sofa. 

"What if something happens with Finn when I'm not there" she cried. 

"It's not your job to protect Clarke and I promise if anything happens, I'll be there" he promised her. 

"What if something did happen to Clarke?" she asked, her voice was cracking. 

"It wont Mads" 

"But hypothetically who would look after me?" she asked in a small voice. 

"I don't know," 

"I would want it to be you Bellamy" He was overcome with emotion. A surge of happiness made him pull her into a hug, "I would want that too" he whispered into her hair. 

~

When Bellamy and Madi sat down for dinner with Clarke, she knew something had happened. It was tense and nervous, Madi kept glancing over to Bellamy.

"Clarke can I talk to you?" Madi asked after they cleared up the plates. Bellamy could see how nervous they both were. He grabbed Clarkes hand as he gave Madi a small smile. 

Once they were seated on the couch, Clarke turned to fully give Madi her attention. 

"I got a letter from my grandparents, they want me to say for the weekend and I think I want that too. Eileen won't be there and I promise I'll call you both nights," she said tears in her eyes. Bellamy couldn't tell how Clarke would react; he felt the need to protect Madis feelings because he knew how upset she was earlier. 

"She was very worried that this would upset you Clarke" he said, and Clarke looked just as hurt as Madi did. 

"You could never upset me Madi. All that matters to me is your happiness. If you want to go of course you can. I get you every other day of the year don't I?" she said, pulling Madi into a hug, as he smiled at Clarke. She whispered thanks and he nodded his head, pulling them both into a hug. Clake felt so safe, so loved, she didn't see when Emori walked in. 

"Clarke can I talk to you?" Emori said. Pulling away Bellamy asked if Madi wanted to go and get ice cream. 

~

She wasn't sure how she got into an argument with Emori, she wasn't even sure if it was an argument? 

"You and Bellamy seem very connected. I'm just saying it doesn't seem fair to your boyfriend to be that connected to someone else" 

Nothing else seemed to enter her brain after that. She was stunned because Emori was right. She may never have kissed Bellamy or slept with him, but she was together with him in a way she never was with Finn. She was having an emotional affair with Bellamy. She was too shocked to say anything and when Emori had left she bursted into tears, ashamed how she had treated Finn, the man she loved. She couldn't see Bellamy again. She couldn't do it to anyone, not to Finn. She had to work on loving Finn. Fleeing to the bathroom she grabbed her razor. She had to hurt herself, she had to punish herself after she was done. The blood trickled down her hip as she cried, she had to let go of Bellamy. 

She cleared herself up before Madi got home. She tried not to pull away from Madi but it was hard when she spent so much time with Bellamy. She knew she was hurting him and that hurt her the most. She refused to talk to him, or pick up the phone. 

The voicemails she listened to at night haunted her. 

The first one he left was about Madi, something funny she'd done. 

"𝐻𝑒𝑦. 𝐼 𝑚𝑖𝑠𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡𝑜𝑛𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡. 𝑀𝑎𝑑𝑖 𝑠𝑎𝑖𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢 ℎ𝑎𝑑 𝑎 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑎𝑐ℎ𝑒, ℎ𝑜𝑝𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙 𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟" he said his voice so cheery, she let out a sob, as she cried into her pillow. 

"𝐼 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑖 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒𝑛'𝑡 𝑠𝑒𝑒𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑖𝑛 𝑑𝑎𝑦𝑠, 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑚𝑒" the next voicemail said 

"𝑊ℎ𝑎𝑡 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑖 𝑑𝑜𝑛𝑒. 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑀𝑎𝑑𝑖 𝑤𝑜𝑛𝑡 𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑙 𝑚𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐼 𝑚𝑖𝑠𝑠 𝑦𝑜𝑢" she could hear the pain in his voice, and she knew he had done that to him. 

"𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑠ℎ𝑢𝑡 𝑚𝑒 𝑜𝑢𝑡. 𝐶𝑙𝑎𝑟𝑘𝑒 𝑝𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒" she couldn't listen to it all the way through. 

"𝑊ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑓𝑢𝑐𝑘 𝑖𝑠 𝑔𝑜𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑜𝑛. 𝐶𝑙𝑎𝑟𝑘𝑒 𝑖 𝑛𝑒𝑒𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢" That was the worse one, it wasn't pain anymore, it was anger. Anger at Clarke 

"𝑇𝑒𝑙𝑙 𝑚𝑒 ℎ𝑜𝑤 𝑡𝑜 𝑓𝑖𝑥 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠" he begged his voice breaking. 

The worst was when he worked out that wasn't working instead he took to sitting outside the door when he knew Finn was out. 

"please open the door Clarke. I need to know you're okay. I need to see you. I need you. Please don't shut me out" he cried, his head bashing against the door. As Clarke held in her sobs. She didn't want to hurt him. Half the time she couldn't drag herself out of bed. She couldn't cope. She couldn't breathe. She just wanted Bellamy but she couldn't, he wasn't hers anymore. Maybe that was the whole point he never should have been hers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think and I’ll see you tomorrow ❤️


	27. Take a hit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning- attempted suicide/suicide discussion and also talking about Auroras death but that’s less detailed. Please don’t read if this could trigger you, there’s a summary at the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was pretty scared to post this chapter, so thank you for taking the time to read this. 
> 
> Okay this is probably the worse chapter and I’m so sorry but it’s the start of the end ❤️
> 
> Warning- attempted suicide/suicide discussion and also talking about Auroras death but that’s less detailed. Please don’t read if this could trigger you, there’s a summary at the end.

**Chapter 27-** **_Take a hit_ **

Warning- attempted suicide/suicide discussion and also talking about Auroras death but that’s less detailed, please be wary when reading this, summary at the end. 

Clarke phoned Madis biological grandparents to set up the weekend. She still cried when Madi left making her promise to call as soon as she got there. She saw Bellamy as she walked back up to the apartment, 

"please Clarke" she tried not to look at him because she knew she would break down. Instead she turned away hurrying into apartment and slamming the door shut, she was so alone. She couldn't take the loneliness, the silence. 

The pub was pretty crowded she noted as she downed drink after drink. Her mind was foggy unbelievably so. 

"hey pretty girl" someone called from a couch at the far side of the bar. She knew it was dangerous, reckless to go up to him but she did anyway. 

"I'm Dax" he introduced grabbing her hand and pulling her down to sit next to him, "I could make you feel so good" he snarled his hand on her leg.

"I have a boyfriend" she murmured, Dax just smiled, "What about this?" he said, pulling out a bag of pills. She didn't know what they were but she didn't care. She just didn't want to feel anymore. 

"What do you want for them?" she asked and Dax bit out a laugh. 

"Just a kiss, pretty girl" 

What appalled her the most, was she didn't give a fuck. She leant in giving him a kiss, as he popped out 8 or 9 pills giving them to her, 

"Don't take them all at once" he smirked, slapping her bum as she left. Too drunk to care about the danger. She just needed to stop hurting, she thought as she returned home, thanking God that Finn was out for the night. 

She wasn't sure she was going to take them. She really wasn't until she started to think about everything. All she did was hurt people. She left her mom, ran away in the middle of the night, she didn't even leave a note. Then she had her old friends, she hadn't picked up the phone and called them in months. She was dead to them, it wouldn't matter if she was actually dead. Next came Finn, for all his faults. He loved her, and she had hurt him. All she had done was make him mad. She wanted him to be happy, and he had a better chance without her. Next came Octavia who she had been a shit friend too. More importantly came Bellamy. Bellamy probably saved her life more than once, but all she did was drag him down. She was dangerous to be around and he refused to leave her, it seemed kinder to not be there at all, he could rebuild his life. Just the thought of Madi made her heart throb. She loved her more than she thought was ever possible. But she had left Madi to suffer, she didn't deserve her love, she didn't deserve Madi. She would be better off without her too. If she loved Madi enough she would leave her one last time. 

Tears rolling down her eyes, she grabbed two of the pills swallowing them down. She scribbled down a note. 

𝑀𝑎𝑑𝑖, 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑚𝑦 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔.

𝐼 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑠𝑜 𝑚𝑢𝑐ℎ 

𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑔𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒

𝑀𝑎𝑦 𝑤𝑒 𝑚𝑒𝑒𝑡 𝑎𝑔𝑎𝑖𝑛 ~ 𝐶𝑙𝑎𝑟𝑘𝑒

She took the next two pills in her hand, ready to swallow, as she slumped down against the bath. 

She was going to die and she was at peace with that, they'd be better without her. 

~

Bellamy was angry, he was in pain. Everything had been fine, they had all hugged together on the couch, to him it had felt like a family in that moment. He had such a large amount of emotion for them, he couldn't say the 4 letter word but he's pretty sure that's what he felt. Then out of the blue, she stopped coming round. She refused to pick up the phone. He felt so desperate to see her, to talk to her again. He had no way of knowing if she even listened to his voice mails begging to talk to him, to forgive him. He took to sitting outside her door, hoping. Maybe if she heard his voice. He could hear her crying, and he wanted to tell her everything would be okay. But it wouldn't be okay would it? It hadn't been so far. 

Madi came to say goodbye before she left to go to her grandparents for the weekend. 

"I know you are in a fight, but you promised you'd look after her," Madi said, giving him a hug. But how could he look after her, if she wouldn't even let him see her. 

He saw her walk back upstairs, upset to see Madi gone, he tried to catch her eyes, anything to just get her to look at him but she refused. 

When he got a phone call from a friend at a local bar saying he saw Dax give Clarke drugs, he was worried but surely she wouldn't take them. She knew the dangers, his heart started to beat faster, his fear overwhelming as he pounded on the door. When no one opened it, he panicked, running to his own balcony and clambering over to Clarkes, thankful no one and fixed the balcony door as he yanked it open. 

"Clarke, Clarke" 

Then he saw her slumped against the bathtub, her eyes glazed over, in one hand she held two pills, in the other a blade, then the blood, all he could see was the blood rushing from a deep cut on her left arm. 

"What have you taken?" he asked, leaping into action, but when he grabbed her wrist she pulled back. 

"Don't touch me" she screamed hysterically, backing away from him in the corner. 

"It's okay Clarke" he said slowly, but when he approached her again, she flinched away. 

"Stay away from me" 

"Clarke I need you to tell me how much you took" he said as calmly as possible, but she wouldn't speak, she was just standing there sobbing. It took about 5 or 6 minutes of coaching until she finally whispered she had taken two, handing him the pills. He knew instantly it was ecstasy. He wanted to scream at her, tell her about the danger she put herself in. How mad he was. He's been down this road with his mom, and she ended up dead. Taking the rest of the pills he flushed them down the toilet. He didn't know what desired effect Clarke wanted but she was just shut off and cold, like she was somewhere else. Anytime he got near she would scream hysterically, physically shaking. 

"Clarke can you look at me" he asked loudly and when her eyes focused long enough to settle on him, she seemed surprised to see him. 

"We're going to go to my apartment okay?" he asked slowly and after a couple of seconds she nodded her head, following him silently to his apartment. He knew she was out of it, very out of it but she wasn't in any danger. He had stopped her before she had overdosed. She sat on his bed not talking to him for at least 2 hours. At least she allowed him to wrap her wrist. All she did was sit there sobbing as she looked at the ceiling, he wanted to pull her close but he was angry and he knew she probably wouldn't let him anyway. When she finally passed out, he walked into her apartment searching for any leftover drugs to flush but he didn't find any, all he found was a note to Madi. 

  
  


𝑀𝑎𝑑𝑖, 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑚𝑦 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔.

𝐼 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑠𝑜 𝑚𝑢𝑐ℎ 

𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑔𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑒

𝑀𝑎𝑦 𝑤𝑒 𝑚𝑒𝑒𝑡 𝑎𝑔𝑎𝑖𝑛 ~ 𝐶𝑙𝑎𝑟𝑘𝑒

Taking the note he ripped into little pieces sobbing at the end of her bed. She couldn't leave him. She didn't get to give up and he would tell her as much tomorrow, when she was clear minded. Eventually he fled back to his room, he didn't really want to see Clarke right now but it was better than sitting in her apartment when Finn gets home. She was still passed out and when Bellamy got back he pulled the covers over her and checked that she was still okay, he couldn't sleep next to her when he was so mad at her, when an unknown number flashed up on her phone he picked it up. 

"Hey Clarke" Madi's voice came through and Bellamy nearly broke down right then and there. How dare Clarke even consider leaving her. 

"Hey Mads, it's Bellamy" 

"Is Clarke okay?" He could hear how anxious she was, he didn't want her to worry, 

"Yeah she fine Madi, but she is asleep right now, can she give you a call tomorrow" 

"Yeah" 

"How's your grandparents Mads, you okay?" 

"It's weird, I miss you guys" 

"We miss you too. You can call us whenever you need to okay?" 

"Okay, Bellamy you know I love you don't you?" she said quietly and he knew she was saying it because she was worried and probably feeling insecure. But she had said it and he could cry, after everything that happened in the last couple of hours he needed it, he just wished Clarke was there to hear it. 

"I love you too, Mads," he choked out, "And i'll see you Sunday and I mean it phone us whenever" Once she hung up, he just sat there crying, he wasn't sure if he was happy or sad, he just needed to sleep before the confrontation with Clarke tomorrow. 

The confrontation was very anti-climatic seeing as when he woke up, Clarke refused to talk to him, even look at him. She was lying under the covers anytime he tried to talk to her, she would roll over. She refused to eat or drink, and would just stare around like she was stuck in a daydream or nightmare. 

"Clarke you need to drink" he said for what must have been the tenth time that day. He got no response again, he felt like screaming at her or bashing his head against a wall. Or hugging her until she gave in but anytime he would get close, she flinched away. 

Finally at 3 o'clock in the afternoon she stepped out of his bedroom, she refused to look at him but she did go and pour herself a drink of water, sipping at it slowly. When Clarke returned to the bedroom he followed her.

"Clarke you can ignore me all you like but I need to talk to you" he started and when she didn't respond he carried on. 

"I am so pissed off at you. How dare you put yourself in danger. Madi needs you, I need you. Last night Mads phoned me" 

It was the first time Bellamy saw any change in her demeanour, instantly her face went to one of worry. 

"She's fine but what would she do without you? Your her family, her mother" 

Clarkes eyes filled with tears and he knew he was getting through. 

"It would have been her Clarke, she would have got home sunday and found your body" Clarke sobbed into her hand, but Bellamy couldn't give up, he was so mad and he needed to get it out. 

"I found my mom Clarke, I walked into the house and the bath was running, which was weird and then I saw the blood half way up the stairs, she was lying there on the floor and she had overdosed. It nearly killed me. It would have killed Madi" Her sobs were coming louder. 

"I was so unbelievably mad at her. She gave up, we weren't enough. Me and Octavia weren't enough to fight for."

Clarke turned to face tears running down her face which he was sure reflected on his own face. 

"Are we not enough Clarke? Please fight for us" he begged his voice cracking and finally Clarke gave up throwing herself at Bellamy as he pulled her into a hug. 

"I don't want to feel like this. It hurts so bad. Everyone would be better off with me" 

He pulled her off him, gently holding her face so she was looking at him. 

"No one would have been better off without you. You saved Madis life, you saved my life. When I moved to the city I was lost but you found me. Please fight for us, fight for your family, hell fight for Finn, I don't care just fight"

She collapsed back into his arms, 

"Thank you for saving my life," she whispered, 

"Do you know how dangerous that was?" he whispered back a hand tangled in her hair. 

"I didn't mean for it to go that far. I think I need help," she mumbled her head still on his chest. 

"I will always support you," 

After a while, she pulled away and they sat together on the couch watching episodes of friends, they ordered some Pizza, as she curled up with him on the sofa. 

"Madi told me she loved me last night on the phone," Bellamy said, Clarke could see how pleased he was, his smile was wide and all Clarke could think about is kissing him and how inappropriate that was. 

"She did," she said grinning back at him. 

"I think I cried" 

Clarke let out a laugh pushing into his side, as they watched another episode. 

When her phone rang, she settled down on the sofa next to Bellamy. 

"Hey darling, how are you?" 

"I want to come home Clarke" she sobbed and Bellamy shot a side glance at Clarke. 

"Honey what happened?" Bellamy asked, grabbing Clarkes hand and his keys as he guided her out the apartment. 

"Eileen turned up and I don't want to be here" 

"It's okay Mads we are in the car right now," she said as Bellamy pulled out the car park, "We will be there in 4 hours honey, are you still at the house?" 

"No, I didn't know where to go, I'm at your mom's" 

"Okay baby, can you put her on for me?" Clarke asked, he could hear the shake in her voice, so he reached across to grab her thigh squeezing gently. 

"Hey mom, Thank you" she whispered after everything with their argument, she was glad Abby was still there for Madi when she needed her the most. 

"I know how important she is too you Clarke, I heard what you said at the beach" 

"Thank you, we will be there in 4 hours" 

"You and Finn" 

"Me and Bellamy," 

They said goodbye, and Clarke hung up, placing her hand over Bellamys on her thigh. 

"Thank you Bellamy" The journey was tense, not between the two of them just in general. 

"She'll be fine Clarke" he said as they were pulling into Arkadia. 

"I would have left her," she said bursting into tears, Bellamy hand gripped hers tighter, 

"But you didn't and that's what's important" Bellamy said wishing he could hug her. 

When they pulled up to the house, Clarke was out before he had fully shut off the truck. 

Bellamy walked in, Madi was passed out on the sofa, Clarke talking to her mom in the kitchen. He sat down next to Madi when Markus walked in, 

"Bellamy" he said, as Bellamy stood up and shook his hand. 

"Bell" he heard Madi whisper as she jumped up from the sofa running into his arms. 

"I've got you Mads, I've got you" he said, hugging her back, he saw Clarke was watching them from the kitchen doorway, he sent her a smile over Madis head as he let her go. 

Spinning around she sprinted to Clarke. 

"I love you so much baby" she whispered gripping Madi, "Come on let's get you home," she said, giving her a smile, as they led Madi to the truck. 

"Thanks Mom, I'll call you soon" she said, as Madi climbed into the back, Clarke with her. Bellamy gave them a smile, Madi asked about the bandage but luckily didn’t seem too insistent probably because she was so tired. 

"Have you eaten Mads?" When she shook her head, he promised they'd stop at a cafe. When they finally got back Bellamy carried Madi up placing her on the bed. Clarke leaned up and hugged Bellamy, 

"Thank you for tonight," 

"Night Princess." Clarke fell asleep thinking of Bellamy. As she stood there in the doorway with her mom she saw the way Madi ran to Bellamy, hugging her close as he smiled over Madis head at her. She was pretty sure her heartbeat increased on its own accord.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou for reading ❤️
> 
> Summary- Madi goes away for the weekend to stay with her grandparents, Clarke still feels down and isolated. At a local pub someone offers her drugs which she takes two of at home, she passes out after her spiralling thoughts about how ‘she’s let everyone down.’ Bellamy finds her me flushes the rest of them and take her to his room, she refuses to talk to him and he tells her about mother’s death and how he found her and that would of been Madi. They then go and pick Madi up and Clarke admits she needs help


	28. Faded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay we are nearing the end of all the bad things and abuse, just this chapter and the next and then we get more fluff and less angst.  
> Thank you for all the love ❤️ 
> 
> Description of abuse

Chapter 28- Faded

"Morning Princess" Bellamy whispered, stroking the hair out of her eyes so gently, as he crouched in front of her. Clarke hand shit out grabbing Bellamy's arm, pulling him down on the bed with her. He let out a laugh, 

"Why are you awake?" she mumbled as his arms came to wrap around her, 

"Because someone's phone was buzzing" he whispered into her hair, Clarke didn't seem to care as her hand grabbed his.

At some point they must have drifted off to sleep; they only awoke when Madi started moving around on the other side of the bed. 

"Morning Darling" she said as Madi clambered over her to sit in the middle of Bellamy and Clarke. 

"Clarke, if you couldn't look after me who would?" she asked looking up at her. Bellamy heart shook, all he could remember was the conversation they had the other week. 

"I don't know Mads" she said grabbing her hand, 

"I want it to be Bellamy" Madi mumbled, not looking up at anyone. 

Clarke smiled at Bellamy, 

"Okay" she whispered, pulling Madi into a hug, "Nothings going to happen to me baby" 

~

She doesn't know what happened, why she decided to go and see Finn at work. She picked up some food at the supermarket, walking into his office. She wanted to try and fix the relationship, she felt distant and estranged from him. 

What she didn't exspect was to walk in with Finn fucking someone over the desk. 

"Finn" she gasped, as the women moaned, suddenly seeing Clarke she let out a choked gasp, pushing off Finn. When she was revealed Clarke saw it was Raven. She couldn't think, but everything hurt. The food she was holding dropped to the floor as she teared out the room, she could hear Finn calling after her but she didn't stop to think, not until she found herself at the closest bar, taking shot after shot of vodka. 

Her mind was swimming. Finn was cheating on her. The person she loved had mistreated her in one final way. He'd emotionally, and physically mistreated her and now gone and slept with his colleague. She was angry at Raven, who had destroyed everything but she also drew strength from her, she refused to go back to him, she couldn't forgive him not for this. After a couple more shots the bartender cut her off, as she sobbed into her seat, she was pretty sure she was running out of tears. She didn't even know why she was crying at this point , not only was she crying for her relationship, for her, hell for Madi, for what she didn't 2 nights ago. She was just so exhausted, so done. 

"Griffin" she heard someone call, she was. to out of it to know who it was. 

"Hey Clarke you alright?" Murphy asked taking the drink out of her hand and when he looked at her she just collapsed into his arms, 

"It's okay Griffin, should we take you home?" he asked, easing her out of his arms. 

"Don't take me home," she mumbled grabbing his arm, 

"I need to keep drinking" 

"What happened" 

"Finn cheated on me" She saw Murphy relent, as he ordered another round of drinks. 

"Sorry Princess" 

They didn't talk, they just sat there drinking and Clarke couldn't be more thankful. After a while she gave up just sobbing into her arms, she couldn't rationalise her emotions. Eventually Murphy helped her out the bar, 

"Come on, I'll take you to Bellamy," he said. 

~

When Madi stormed in slamming herself on the sofa, 

"Clarkes not home, somehings going on with Finn, he was sneaking stuff when I got home and demanded to know where Clarke is. Do you know where she is?" 

"She'll be fine Mads, come on lets make some dinner" he said dragging her to the kitchen, encouraging her to chop her vegetables mainly just to distract her. 

At 8 o'clock he was struggling to keep in his worry especially after what had happened a week before, surely she wouldn't do anything that wreck less. He sat with Madi through 2 movies before he persuaded her to go to bed, sitting with her until she fell asleep, hoping she would turn up, because he needs her, Madi needed her. 

When Murphy knocked on the door, Clarke in his arms, the first emotion was he could cry with relief and the second was pure jealousy as he helped Murphy carry her inside. 

"Bell," she mumbled, drunkenly grabbing either side of his face. 

"Yes Princess" he said his hands on her hips to steady her. 

"Finn cheated on me" he obviously couldn't hide his face well because she carried on as soon as she saw it, "Yup I walked in on him fucking his colleague," she let out a little bitter laugh, "He didn't even stop" At some point her laugh tuned into sobs as he held her. He waved goodbye to Murphy as he maneuvered Clarke to the couch. 

"I'm so sorry, he's an idiot, he doesn't deserve you," he said quietly, stroking the hair out of her face. 

"Oh god Madi" she gasped her eyes filled with worry, 

"Hey it's okay Clarke, she's here. She was very worried about you" 

"I didn't mean to make you or her worry, I just I didn't know how to feel" 

"I promised her I would wake her up when you got home" Clarke tried to hide a smile as she drunkenly wobbled behind him into the bedroom, climbing onto the bed. 

"Hey Mads, Clarkes home" he said gently, her eyes shot open, instantly finding Clarke as she fell into her. 

"Don't do that again" Madi cried into Clarke, and Bellamy saw Clarke collapse in tears too. All he wanted to do was take away their pain, it wasn't fair why do the girls he love have to hurt. Madi pulled away from Clarke before throwing her arms round Bellamy, smiling he sat down next to Clarke, holding them both he felt so full. They were his family, his everything. 

~

Her hangover was nothing compared to the inner turmoil she was feeling, she plaited Mads hair and made sure she ate some breakfast before she left for school but as soon as she was out the door, she collapsed onto Bellamy's bed. 

"Hey it's okay," he said, pulling her into a hug, they sat like that for over an hour before he had to leave for work, kissing her on her forehead. 

Once Bellamy had left she dragged herself out of bed, her plan was to grab her and Madis stuff. However what she didn't account for was Finn to be home. As soon as she walked in the door, he was there grabbing her and pulling her into a car. She pushed him off of him. 

"Baby I can explain" he said slowly, grabbing her hand, tears in his eyes, he almost looked sincere. But how could someone explain that. How could someone do that. Whatever she had with Bellamy, she never kissed him, however much she wanted to. 

"Why you were fucking someone else? I'd love to see you try" she snapped, her anger getting the better of her

"I love you Clarke" 

"I loved you so much Finn," She didn't realise how past tense it was, how much his actions affected her. Did she still love him? Part of her would always love him, part of her forgave him and always would. 

"Don't leave me. No one else could love you the way I do" he sneered his hand grabbing her wrist sharply. 

"Don't do that not again," She was so sick of this, in a moment of reality she saw how much he controlled her. 

"I'm so sorry baby, and I love you" he said but his hand gripped tighter on her wrist. 

She wasn't expecting it, when he slapped her round the face, 

"No one will believe you" he whispered, grabbing her by her neck and pushing her up against the wall, grabbing a glass he smashed against her face. Finally he let her fall to the floor as he kicked her in the gut and stomach over and over. When she walked into the apartment she didn't know she'd be fighting for her life but in that minute she didn't think she'd survive. She wouldn't get to tell Madi she loved her again, she wouldn't get to hug her or kiss her. She realised how wrong she had been the week before, she didn't want to die, she wanted to fight for the people she loved. But before she could kick back, everything went black and in her final seconds of consciousness she remembered the hug she had with Bellamy and Madi the night before, they were her family. 

~

He didn't want to leave for work, he wanted to stay wrapped up with Clarke, but he needed the money so begrudgingly he gave her one last kiss on her forehead, before rushing out the door. The bar/restaurant wasn't that busy, and when he walked in there were only a couple of people lounging around. 

"She okay?" Murphy asked, as Bellamy started clearing a table, 

"Not really. Thanks for bring her home though" 

"No problem." Part of him was guilty that he was so jealous of Murphy, he got to be there for Clarke last night but so he did. He was the one that held her as she fell asleep. 

~

His heart stopped, at the ambulance outside the building block, he knew it was for Clarke and the fear he felt was overwhelming as he raced up the stairs, he nearly collapsed when he saw Clarke being stretchered out of her apartment. The blood was everywhere. She looked so pale, she looked dead. 

"Clarke" he cried, grabbing her hand but she felt cold to the touch. 

"Is she okay?" he asked, so nervous for the answer, he needed her to be okay. 

"She's in a critical condition sir. It's vital we get her help as soon as we can for her best possible chance" He followed her down the stairs, all he could think was she had to be okay. Then possibly the worst thing happened she flatlined, as Madi walked into the car park. Her screams were heartbreaking as they tried to revive Clarke. He took her into her arms, rocking her slowly as they desperately tried to save her. 

"She can't die" Madi screamed, Bellamy's heart was breaking, he didn't know what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou for reading, kudos and comments always appreciated. My plans is to post on Friday


	29. Broken Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning- check end notes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the love, I have two or three more multi chapters ready to start posting after I finish this one ❤️
> 
> There’s a warning for this but it ruins the chapter if I put it here, If your worried or could be triggered by anything check out the notes at the end where it will have the warning and summary as always, I don’t think it’s any worse than previous themes in the fix but that isn’t really saying much 😂
> 
> Okay I think this it probably the last really bad angst filled chapter, the ones after this are more fluff

Chapter 29- Broken Angel

The ride in the ambulance was excruciating as he held Madis shaking body, as they watched Clarke slowly slip away from them. When they arrived at the hospital she was rushed away from them in intensive care. He couldn't think or function, he just needed her. They sat in the waiting room clutching each other, he was meant to be the adult, he should have been looking after Madi but he couldn't even function. At some point he realised Madi needed food and a drink. He dragged her to the little store buying a sandwich and crisps trying to plead with her to eat, doing anything to distract them. 

"Abby" he mumbled at some point, and shit he was going to have to call Clarkes mom. He eased Madi out his arms walking up to the reception to ask for any news, but she was still in surgery. 

"I know she's a doctor here, I don't have her mother's number but she needs to be called and can you hold off calling her emergency number her boyfriend. I know its against protocol" 

"It's okay we won't call Mr Collins, we will leave it until Mrs Kane will get here." 

4 hours later and there was no news she was still in surgery fighting for her life, Madi had passed out from pure exhaustion, he held her close. He needed her just as much as she needed him. When Clarke's mother blew in, in was a whirlwind, she quickly nodded at Bellamy who was still holding an asleep Madi as she tore into the office, returning around 10 minutes later, 

"She's just coming out of surgery, she's in a stable condition but it's still touch and go" she said, coming to sit down next to Bellamy, there was obviously something else on her mind. 

"Was it Finn?" she asked in a small voice, as Madi started to stir, 

"Hey Mads" he said gently as she sat up to look around, 

"Is she okay?" she whispered, and Bellamy was thankful when Abby answered, 

"She'll be out of surgery soon and we will know more then" Abby said calmly, as she clung on harder to Bellamy. 

He had texted Murphy, Emori and Octavia when they first got there 8 hours ago. When Octavia walked in, Madi got of his lap running to into her arms, before Octavia gave Bellamy a hug, 

"Could you take her to get some more food," Bellamy asked her, handing O his wallet. 

When they were out of view he slumped back into the chair, suddenly he didn't have to be strong for anyone, as he collapsed in tears. 

"It was Finn oh God, what have I done?" Abby cracked next to him, crying too. 

"It's not your fault, if anyone, it's mine, I knew what he was capable of," he said his head in his hands. 

A doctor came to get Abby as he tried to pull himself together and get rid of his guilt. 

Octavia handed him a bag of crisps as Madi came to sit next to him, head on his shoulder as she picked at her sandwich. 

~

The first time, he saw her, he nearly cried, she looked so broken, so hurt, but she also looked like a broken angel. She was so pale, so pure but covered in wires, cuts and bruises. Madi obviously was very affected, unlike last time she didn't run up to hug her instead she just clung to Bellamy hand sobbing. Abby instantly went to her chart, and gave him a small nod, did that mean she would be okay? He dared to hope. 

He refused to leave her side, as did Madi; they sat there clutching her hand for 24 hours straight before Abby made them go home for a shower and a nap, but as soon as Bellamy tried to take her out the room, Madi started screaming hysterically. 

"Mads, baby. It's okay its okay" he said holding her as she fought against him trying to get to Clarke 

"Don't make me leave" she screamed, running back to Clarke clutching her hand. Bellamy felt like screaming too, she didn't blame her, he just wanted to take away her pain. Abby watched in tears from the door, as Madi sat there still sobbing, Bellamy gently eased Madi away from Clarke. 

"Darling, please come home with me, I promise we will come right back." he begged. He didn't know what to do, he didn't particularly want to leave Clarke either. He couldn't imagine what Madi felt, Clarke was her entire life and she wasn't stupid, they both knew she was fighting for her life. 

"I'm not leaving Clarke" she was so determined, so much like Clarke. He couldn't take it as he walked out the room, he didn't want to break down in front of Madi, she didn't need it right now. 

~

Quickly checking with Abby he went home to shower and picked some more clothes up for Madi, he was thankful he didn't see Finn because he would have killed him there and then. He didn't want to leave Clarke or Madi but he had to pull himself together for them, he didn't need them to see him like this. 

When he got back to the hospital, he brought some food at the hospital shop, before he went to the room. He was apprehensive to say the least, he knew Madi probably was mad at him, so he was surprised when he walked into the room, and she barrelled into his arms, 

"I'm sorry Bellamy, I'm so sorry" she cried into his arms. 

"It's okay darling, I understand," he said, holding her close. When she pulled away, he gave her a small smile, "Do you reckon you can go take a shower, Abby said you can use one in the hospital" 

"You won't leave her right" she asked and it suddenly clicked for him, she didn't want Clarke to be alone. 

"I promise baby, I won't leave her side," he said, giving his hand a small squeeze. She gently leaned down giving Clarke a gentle kiss, 

"I'll be right back and Bellamy will stay with you the whole time, I love you" she whispered into Clarkes body, before she followed Abby. 

"I promise I'm taking care of her Clarke but I really fucking need you" he whispered taking her hand gently. 

When Madi returned, she came and sat next to Bellamy where he coaxed her into eating some food, 

"Bellamy I love you" she whispered into him, 

"I love you to Mads," 

"She needs to be okay," Bellamy tried to give her a weak smile, but he couldn't say she would be, because he didn't know, instead he just held Madi as she clutched onto Clarke's hand. 

~

It was 30 hours later, nearly 3 days since she first arrived at the hospital, when she opened her eyes and took a shaky breath, both Madi and Bellamy were crying as they took the tubes out of her throat.

"Mads" she choked out as Madi clambered onto the bed carefully tucking her head in her good shoulder, 

"I'm here Clarke, I love you so much" 

Abby walked in seconds later, a small smile on her face, the first maybe Bellamy seen ever. 

"Mom" Clarke mumbled, obviously surprised to see her. 

She said something filled with doctors' language, that obviously Clarke understood, as she nodded gravely. 

Octvaia walked into the room, giving Clarke a small smile, "Come on Mads let's get some food" she said gently. Madi gave Clarke one more kiss before she left, a smile on her face. 

"How do you feel Clarke?" her mom asked, as Clarke tried to pull herself into a sitting position crying out in pain. 

"Bell will you sit with me" she asked in a small voice as if he would say no. He nodded his head, gently slipping into bed beside her as she leant her head against his chest. 

"I feel like shit" she mumbled as Bellamy let out a laugh, that vibrated all through his body, and Clarke could almost feel his laugh in her body. 

"There's something I need to tell you, it's pretty serious" she said, and Clarke gave a small nod. 

"You were pregnant, about 2 and a half months gone, the blunt trauma to your stomach caused a miscarriage. I'm sorry they did everything they could for a while we didn't think either of you were going to make it. I am sorry though" she said softly

Time stopped for Bellamy, she was pregnant, Clarke had lost a baby. She let out a loud sob as Bellamy pulled her closer, 

"I'm sorry Clarke" he whispered as she cried. He saw Clarke gently place a hand on her stomach as she cried, 

"Finn killed my baby" she sobbed into Bellamy and he knew in that moment if he ever saw Finn again he'd kill him with his bare hands, 

"I want Madi," she whispered and Bellamy knew he could do that for her, he couldn't change much about his situation but he could get Madi. He pulled out his phone dialling Octavias names and they were back within minutes. Madi running to Clarke, she climbed over Bellamy fitting in between them. It was pretty impressive for them to all be able to fit on such a small bed. 

"I love you Clarke" Madi whispered as Clarke held her, sobbing. 

"I love you too Madi" she whispered tears in her eyes. It was at that moment Finn walked in clearly angry to see them curled up together but not as angry as Bellamy was as he jumped out of bed slamming Finn against the wall, punching him in the face as Finn grunted in pain.   
Madi was crying as Abby walked in. 

"Bellamy let him go" Abby said pressing a button on her pager, Bellamy if anything was angrier. 

"Let him go, he nearly killed Clarke, he killed her baby" he shouted as Madi started crying harder now, 

"Bellamy I need you" Clarke shouted and that's the only reason he let him go, as Finn gasped for breath on the floor. 

Security was there within minutes pulling him out the room. Bellamy couldn't control his anger as he punched the wall, Abby scolding him as he sat down cradling his hand. He didn't mean to punch anything, he wasn't a violent person, but Finn had beaten the women he loved up multiple times, she'd nearly bled out in surgery, her baby died because of Finn, he wished he'd strangled the bastard. 

Madi was still crying, as Clarke hugged her back as her hand wrapped around his arm, pulling him back to the bed. 

"I'm sorry Clarke, I didn't realise you were pregnant" Madi said, pulling away slightly from Clarke to grab her hand. 

"Neither did I Madi, you would have been a great big sister" she choked out before grabbing Bellamy's hand. 

"Were they in pain?" Madi whispered, eyes full of fear. 

"No baby, it's okay, they were too young to feel pain yet it's okay" she mumbled into her hair as Clarke took a shaky breath. 

~

Madi had fallen asleep tucked up next to Clarke, Bellamy sitting on the seat next to the bed holding Clarke's hand. 

"Tell me you're done with Finn" he whispered so scared she'd try to go back to him. 

"Yeah, I don't ever want to see him again" she whispered, squeezing his hand, 

"I'm sorry about the baby Clarke, you're a great mom to Madi and I know you would have been to the baby as well" he whispered, as she let out a small sob. 

~

Her recovery was slow, but after a week she was ready to be released, Madi had refused to leave her side and Bellamy knew it would take time for them to both heal emotionally. 

"How are you feeling Princess?" Bellamy asked, as he kissed Clarke on her cheek pulling Madi into a hug. 

"I feel better" she mumbled, as Abby walked in giving Bellamy a small smile, 

"Have you told him honey?" Abby asked, Clarke shot her a warning look but Abby continued, "It's not a secret tell him" she snapped. 

"Mom wants me to to move back while I recover" 

He was so stunned he couldn't talk, they were leaving him. After everything he lost them anyway. Without thinking about it he stormed out the room. He was mad but more sad. He didn't hear Madi approach bowling into him, forcing him to hug her. 

"Hey Mads, baby" he said, holding her tight. He didn't want to be angry with her, it wasn't her fault. 

"I don't want to leave, I want us to stay" she whispered, and his heart broke because he wanted them to stay too, but he couldn't promise that. 

"Whatever happens you've always got me" he said, as they slowly walked back into the room, Clarke had clearly been crying. 

"I'll give you a minute," Abby said, walking out. 

~

She didn't want to leave Bellamy, but it made sense Abby could help her with the recovery. She didn't want to impact Bellamy's life that much, she had nowhere to live, she had so many problems and she couldn't put them onto Bellamy. It wasn't fair to him. But then Abby had made her blurt out, and her heart dropped, it made it real. She was leaving him, she was taking Madi away from him. Him and Madi came back into the room, she could see he was angry but to be fair she didn't blame him. He sat down in the chair next to her, Madi curled up next to him. She knew Madi was hurt too, it wasn't surprising she didn't want to come and sit with her. 

"So you're leaving" he snapped, as Madi burrowed her head further into his shoulder. 

"I don't have anywhere to live, I have so many problems Bellamy" 

"I thought we were family" he choked out half in tears and Clarke collapsed sobbing into the bed as she watched Bellamy try to soothe Madis' tears. 

"I've got you Mads, it's okay" he whispered. 

"I can't put that on you" she replied, 

"I want to help you Clarke. I want you two to stay" 

"I want to stay too" she mumbled, and in an instant Madi was there hugging her as Bellamy climbed into bed next to her, Clarke finally felt happy and safe again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning- miscarriage please don’t read if you could be affected 
> 
> Thankyou for the love, kudos and comments appreciated
> 
> Summary- Clarke wakes up however she’s informed that she had a miscarriage, she wasn’t aware she was pregnant but Finns attack had caused it. Finn walks in and Bellamy beats him up. They discuss going to live with her mom and Madi and Clarke have an argument but in the end they decide to stay with Bellamy


	30. Not now, Not ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Bellamy and Clarke take Madi Camping- fluff ❤️❤️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou for all the love and support and as always, kudos and comments appreciated ❤️❤️  
> Okay this is just fluff lol, but it’s pretty cute.

Chapter 30- Not now, not ever 

The fight with her Mom was loud and she was just glad Bellamy had taken Madi to go buy some drinks. 

"Your letting him cloud your judgment Clarke" Abby snapped, standing over her in that condescending way she always does. 

"But I don't want to leave, we're a family the three of us and I don't feel comfortable taking Madi away," It felt good to get it off her chest, she wanted them to stay as a family, together. 

"I'm your family Clarke," Abby sounded genuinely hurt, that was never her intention but she couldn't lie, not about this. 

"yes but they are my family too, and I'm sorry but I can't leave him" She whispered. 

"Your in love with him," 

"He's my best friend," Because did she love him? She couldn't, first he'd never love her back. Secondly up until yesterday she had been in a relationship with Finn, so no she wasn't in love with her best friend, she couldn't be. 

Eventually her mom gave up, storming out, part of Clarke was just glad. Bellamy drove them home, as soon as they got home, she curled up with Madi on the bed as Bellamy grabbed some of their things from Clarkes apartment. The next couple of days was spent cancelling her apartment, getting some leave and just other logistics from her breakup with Finn. 

"You alright?" Bellamy asked, kissing her cheek as he sat down, he'd been working most of the day and Madi was still at school. 

"I'm tired," she replied, cleaning up her dishes she'd just been eating off of. 

"Your body's been through a lot, The doctor said to rest" She let out a giggle as Bellamy scooped her up, 

"Put me down" she laughed as Bellamy put her down on the bed, but she grabbed his shirt pulling him down on top of her. She realised how close they were, his breaths came quicker, her cheeks bright red, the knock on the door made them both pull away, as Clarke pushed her face into the pillow to hide her blush. 

"Clarke it's for you" Bellamy shouted, giving her a small smile as she pulled herself out his bed to see Raven at the door. She wanted to shout at her, slap a bitch maybe, instead she just stood there. 

"What the fuck do you want" Clarke snapped, Bellamy appeared in the doorway clearly concerned. 

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know Finn was with you. After I saw you at that party, he said you'd broken up. We've been together for 4 months Clarke '' she said clearly upset with everything but Bellamy couldn't focus on that when Clarke crumpled to the floor in front of him. 

"4 months?" whispered as Bellamy helped her to stand back up, as she leant against him. 

"I never would have. If I knew you were together. Please believe me" Raven begged. 

"He's the bastard here Raven, you should know what he's like though" She said, she could see Bellamy giving her a weary glance. 

"He beat me up a lot. I've just got out of hospital from where I nearly died after I found out he was cheating," She said, Raven looked like she was about to the throw up, and Clarke took pity on her pulling her into a hug, 

"It's not your fault Raven, you couldn't have known," She said softly looking at Raven. 

Clarke invited Raven inside and they sat and talked about it for about an hour and by the end of it, they exchanged phone numbers as she apologised for hurting Clarke one last time before she left. 

~

One good thing that did come from everything is her relationship with Octavia, Bellamy took Madi out to watch a movie when O dropped round. 

"Hey how are you feeling Clarke?" she asked to come sit down next to her. 

"I feel better thanks" 

"Clarke, I'm so sorry for what I said, I was so wrong. I said you were dangerous and you were bad for my brother and that was a lie, since he's been friends with you, it's the happiest I've ever seen him" She said, grabbing a tissue before she continued, 

"I lashed out at you because I was worried after what happened with my mother but I am sorry, I miss being your friend" She whispered and Clarke knew that instantly she would forgive her, because she missed Octavia to and she wasn't exactly wrong, she had been going down a dangerous road but she was safe now. 

"It's okay O" Clarke said, giving her a hug. She was glad to have her friend back and for the rest of the evening they fell back into their old routine, gossiping about Octavia's new boyfriend, Lincoln she hadn't told Bellamy about yet. 

"He is gonna kill me" she giggled, and Clarke knew she was right, Bellamy was going to flip his lid. Octavia left just before Bellamy and Madi got home laughing about how bad the movie was.

"No one died right?" Bellamy joked as Madi let out a giggle, 

"No" she laughed back, smiling as they came to sit down next to her, they watched an episode of Friends. Madi fell asleep just after 10.30, Bellamy and Clarke curled up on the sofa together. 

"I'm glad you made up with my sister" 

"Me to, I missed her" She glanced back over to Madi releasing in that moment, Bellamy hadn't slept in his own bed in over 2 weeks, "Bell, I'm sorry we've kicked you out your bed for so long" 

"Hey I don't mind" 

"I promise I'll start looking at new place, for me and Mads" she said faking a smile because she didn't want to leave, Bellamy schooled his face, 

"Okay" he whispered, his heart breaking, he knew she was trying to be nice but he didn't want them to go, they were a family. But if she was going to leave he was going to make the most of it before she went. He pulled Clarke further onto him, her back pressed up against his chest, his hands rubbing soothing circles up and down her arms, his lips resting against her shoulder. 

"I know it's Madis 13th birthday and I thought maybe we could take her camping, she told me she'd never been but I think she'd love it. I know a place and" he was pretty sure he kept waffling, he was nervous she would say no, or worse pull away from him. 

Clarks breathing increased. He was being so considerate and caring and so Bellamy like, why did it make him 10X more attractive. 

"I think she'd love it" she whispered back, as she pushing herself further back into him, "We could invite, Murphy, Emori, Echo and O" 

~

They kept it a surprise form Madi, Clarke brought the camping things they needed, as well as presents for Madi. She was going back to work in two weeks and wanted to try and find an apartment for her and Madi before then. She had received a letter in the post from a lawyer, her dad had left her a trust fund, her first installment could be drawn out on her 20th birthday. She was thankful to her dad, while her wages were okay, living in a city was expensive never mind, providing for Madi as well, taking this burden off her was just like her dad. She hid the letter away though scared Bellamy would be judgmental, he's never liked the rich, putting that out of her mind she packed the rest of the things for the surprise camping trip. 

Octavia had confined in Clarke, she was bringing her boyfriend Lincoln camping, Clarke had begged her to tell Bellamy beforehand, but she refused sticking to her stance. It would be better to just show up with him. Emori and Murphy were also coming but Echo already had plans. She helped Bellamy pack up the truck before they picked Madi up from school. 

"Mads how do you feel about going camping for your birthday" Clarke said giving her a smile from the the front seat 

"Really?" she asked her smile so bright. 

"If you want to, we've got everything packed and Octavia, Murphy and Emori are going to come to" Bellamy said, as she jumped into the front seat giving them both a hug, 

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," she shouted, sliding back into the backs seat and strapping herself in as Bellamy pulled off. The drive took about 2 hours, Clarke was nearly as excited as Madi, as they pulled up to the campsite. Trees shielded most of the site, with an area for a bonfire. It wasn't private but they had been told they were the only ones camping that week, the toilet and shower block was on the far end opposite from where Emori and Murphy were struggling to put up a large green tent. 

All the tents were set up and Madi and Clarke were trying to start the fire, Bellamy and Murphy were out at the local supermarket getting food and Clarke was instantly glad about that when Octavia arrived with Lincoln. 

"Clarke come here" O called before introducing them, he seemed gentle and kind but that didn't mean Bellamy wasn't going to flip his lid. 

Clarke cornered Bellamy as soon as he got out the truck, 

"Bell don't freak out, O has brought her boyfriend and I need you to calm down and not start anything okay. I know she's your sister and you need to protect her but she's a big girl" she said grabbing his hand and squeezing it. 

"Did you know?" he snapped, looking so hurt she just wanted to lean up and kiss away his pain. 

"Yes she told me," she admitted, as he pulled away from her touch, storming away from her towards his sister. She helped Murphy unload all the food before going to sit down next to Madi and Emori. 

They stated cooking some burgers and sausages, by that Murphy cooked as the girls distracted him, she could still hear Bellamy and Octavia screaming at each other, she didn't know whether she should try and intervene but he was angry at her right now, so it would probably do more harm than good. 

Once Dinner was ready, Octavia and Lincoln joined them muttering something about Bellamy cooling down, the good was good. Clarke was lounging around the fire, when she realised Madi was gone, walking around she found Bellamy and Madi together as he was teaching her to whittle a stick. She stood there in the dark watching them, she felt so complete. 

"Do you not like Octavia's boyfriend?" she heard Madi ask. 

"I don't like that she has one in general," Bellamy stated. 

"He seems nice, I think you should get to know him first" Madi said full of wisdom at 12 nearly 13 years old. 

"I will if you promise not get a boyfriend until you are at least 25, I don't think I could cope" Clarke heart stopped, was he saying that he'd still be in their life for the next 12 years. 

"Fine, fine" she giggled giving him a hug. Clarke let out a little chuckle leaving them to it before going to sit back down with her friends. 

~

They were making smores when Bellamy and Madi joined them, Bellamy coming to sit down next to her, 

"I'm sorry princess, I'm not mad at you" he whispered, stealing one of her marshmallows. The evening was pleasant, Madi had long since fallen asleep on Clarke, Surprisingly Lincoln fitted quite well into the group. 

They all clambered into their tents, Clarke Bellamy, and Madi were shared a tent, At about 4, Bellamy woke Clarke up, 

"I've got something to show you" he said, Clarke grumbled but leant down and kissed Madi before she slipped out pulling on the hoodie he gave her, 

"What about Mads?" she asked sleepily following Bellamy out the tent. 

"I told O last night, she said she'd wake her up at 7 if we're not back by then" Bellamy whispered, Clarke gave her a smile as he grabbed his hand, as she followed him. 

"Geez Bell, where are we going?" she mumbled as he started walking into the forest. 

"It's a secret," he mumbled. 

"Is it a good one?" she whispered, a laugh on her lips. 

"Yes now come on" he said tugging her further up the fucking hill in the forest. 

When they finally got there, Clarke sucked in a breath, it was unbelievable amazing, there was a clearing at the top of the hill, it looked almost like they were on a cliff, the streak of pink and purple in the sky at the sunrise. 

He tugged her down, so they sat side by side, 

"It's so beautiful," she whispered, grabbing his hand. 

She reached out rubbing her cheek, as he turned her face to look at him. 

"You're so beautiful Clarke," he whispered and her heart stopped, he was so close, he could almost feel her lips. He was a breath away and then all she could feel, all her senses were just pure Bellamy. His lips were on hers, soft and gentle as he moved against her, his hand stroking her cheek as she let out a little gasp before kissing back with all the love she felt, his hand weaved into her hair, as he pulled her closer. 

"Bell" she sighed pushing away from him,  
"I can't, I'm sorry Bellamy," and with that she tore away from him running down the trail, ignoring Bellamy as he shouted after her. 

~

When he got back to camp Madi was awake, 

"Happy birthday baby," Bellamy said as Madi ran into his arms, they sat together while they ate breakfast, Clarke guessed they hid the tension well because no one mentioned anything. 

"We've got presents" Octavia shouted, handing Madi over a wrapped gift. 

"Thank you O" she said smiling at the clothes she had been brought, Emori and Murphy had brought her a detailed colouring book and watercolour pencils knowing how much she loved Clarkes. 

When she saw the phone Clarke and Bellamy had brought, she let out a scream. 

"I love you, thankyou," Madi shouted running into Clarke before literally bowling over Bellamy,

"You're welcome, I do have something else for you as well," Bellamy said, handing her a small red box. When she opened it she broke out into a large smile, 

"It's so beautiful Bellamy," she whispered gently holding it. 

"It was my mom's, and I wanted you have it because your my family" she looked closed to tears, as she sat down next to Bellamy and Clarke, she grabbed their hands, 

"Thank you Bellamy, I've never really had a family like this" she whispered as she hugged them. That's when Bellamy realised whatever happened with Clarke, there three of them would always be a family. 

It wasn't until that evening before Bellamy had anytime alone with Clarke, 

"Hey can we talk?" he asked and she gave a hesitant nod looking over at Mads who was playing cards with O. 

He followed her over to a log by the fire and sat down looking at Clarke. 

"Did I hurt you?" he whispered and she could see how scared he was, 

"No you didn't. I just, I can't be in a relationship with anyone Bell, not now maybe not ever. I'm to broken for that" She replied and he pulled her into a hug, 

"I get that, no pressure. We will always be best friends" Clarke gave a nod falling further into his arms,

"It was a good kiss though" 

He let out a laugh, "Yeah princess it was," 

~

"Bellamy said I couldn't date until I'm 25" Madi laughed from where she sat on Clarke eating a s'more.

"25 Jesus Bell" Clarke laughed whacking him in the side. 

"Come on guys let's play a game" Murphy said coming to sit down with them and soon they were all round the fire. 

"What game?" Madi asked, 

"Truth and dare" Murphy replied, which was fairly tame with a 13 year old around, in the end Madi gave up, 

"Bell, can you braid my hair?" she asked. Clarke was majorly surprised since when could he plait hair. 

"You can plait?" Murphy asked laughing, 

"Shut up" he mumbled gently pulling Madi down in front of him as he divided up her hair and started french braiding his hair. 

"It's my fault, when we were growing up I made him do it everyday before school," Octavia said, giving him a small smile. 

But for Clarke seeing him take care of Madi, somehow it made him so much hotter. It's all she could think about as they curled up that evening and she wished she wouldn't that they didn't have to go back to real life tomorrow, it felt good to be in this little bubble of safety and love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4 chapters to go, Thankyou for all the love, kudos and comments appreciated ❤️❤️


	33. Sanctum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I promise I’m still here, and I’ve actually written the end of this and am near the end of about two other bellarke fics which I’ll start posting very soon.   
> As always Thankyou for all the love 
> 
> I think this is the first chapter with no warning 😂   
> We’re nearly at the ending now and it’s mostly fluffy.

**Chapter 31-** **_Safety of Sanctum_ **

After the trip everything got back to normal pretty quickly, the rest of Madis' days off were spent looking for apartments with Clarke which she begrudgingly agreed too, she didn't see the point in moving out from Bellamys.  _ Why did he need a bed? _ And if they did move, why weren't they all moving? Weren't they a family? Clarke didn't really have the answers. 

It was the next week before Bellamy found the documents from the banks waving it angrily in front of her face that night, once Madi had gone to bed. 

"What the fuck are these Clarke?" he said, trying to keep his voice calm. 

"Well clearly you read them," she snapped back. 

"Yes Clarke I did" 

"Then what are you so fucking mad about" 

"Because Clarke, you have money. Your just as privileged as everyone else" he said

"Jesus Bellamy, what is that suppose to mean, I was left money so that makes me a fucking monster does it?" 

"I don't know" he shouted back and with that she was out the door. How could he feel like that about her? She didn't have a clue where she was going, probably to the nearest bar she was just thankful she had remembered to grab her phone. She wasn't worried about leaving, not like when she was with Finn. Bellamy would never hurt Madi. The first time Bellamy phoned she didn't pick up, but by the fourth time in 5 minutes she got worried. 

"Thank god, Clarke you need to get home, Madis freaking out, I can't get her to calm down" he said and he sounded so panicked, she could of cried in fear,

"Is she okay?" she whispered, 

"I think so, I don't.." 

"I'll be home in 2 minutes" she promised, throwing some money out of her purse onto the table, before she rushed out the door. 

She could hear Madi screaming before she got into the apartment, 

"Madi, baby" she asked, looking at her as she backed into the corner screaming, Clarke could see she was hyperventilating. She knelt down in front of Madi, grabbing her hands, 

"Honey, copy my breathing for me" she said gently, breathing in and out slowly. It took a couple of minutes but eventually Madi copied, her erratic breathing calming down, as she threw herself into Clarke’s arms, 

"Baby, you are boiling" she said grabbing Bellamys hand placing it onto Madis forehead, he tried not to react, he didn't want to scare Madi but she was fucking burning up. Trying not freak out he grabbed his truck keys, 

"We'll get it checked out" he said, scooping Madi up in his arms as they walked down to his truck. Clarke climbed in first cradling Madi to her body as Bellamy sped to the hospital. 

She tried not to freak out as Madis breathing started to become more shallow as she started to fall unconscious, 

"Honey tell me about school" she said trying to keep her engaged and awake. 

"There's this boy" Madi whispered, Clarke could hear the sharp intake of breath from Bellamy in the front and she would have laughed if she wasn't so worried in that moment. 

  
  
  
  


~•~

  
  
  


Clarke had phoned ahead and seeing as she was a doctor it got her a hint of special treatment, there were people waiting in the car park as they rushed her in, Clarke following hotly on their heels. She refused to go into the waiting room grabbing some scrubs; she walked into the room with Madi anyway. 

It was the only comfort Bellamy had that Clarke would never let anything happen to Madi, he felt so guilty about their argument, he had as soon as the words had left his mouth. He hadn't meant them, she was not like every other rich person. She was kind and caring, and that's why he loved her, he was thinking about that when he heard Madi starting to scream. He assumed it was a nightmare, and had gone in to soothe her but she had jumped up screaming, she wouldn't calm down, and then she started hyperventilating like Clarke had done so many times beforehand. He felt like he couldn't breath, he hated just sitting there waiting for news, he couldn't do anything to help her. 

When Clarke appeared his heart felt slightly lighter, "She's going to be fine, she has a bacterial infection" Clarke said, grabbing his hand. 

"Princess I'm sorry, I don't care if you have money, I care about our family Clarke" he said and he saw her take a harsh breath before spinning round and hugging her, arms thrown around his neck. He was glad when they got to the room there were no tubes, she didn't look near death like Clarke her and he was thankful she had a small smile on his face. 

"Hey baby," he whispered, going to hug Madi, "How are you feeling?" 

"Not the best, can I have some sweets, jelly beans or something" Madi replied, Bellamy left out a little chuckle, looking at Clarke and when she nodded he gave her a smile, 

"Yeah, I'll go buy some. I'll be right back" he said leaning down to kiss her forehead. 

When he got back to the room, Clarke was sitting on the bed next to Madi, he came and sat on the other side of Madi as he handed over the jelly beans, smiling at Clarke. 

"Why are you guys in a fight?" Madi whispered, her head on Bellamy's chest. 

"We're not honey" Clarke soothed glancing warily at Bellamy. 

"I heard you fighting and I don't want to move out, I want us to all stay together" she said with a tear slipping down her face. 

"Hey it's okay Mads" he whispered, wiping away her tears, "We will always be a family" he responded. Clarke felt so bad, by moving out she was pulling apart Bellamy and Madi. 

She was let out the day after with antibiotics to take each morning, back home she felt even more guilty than ever as she sat at the kitchen table after days of apartment hunting. It hit her hard but she realised she couldn't stay in Newyork, it held all sorts of bad memories with Finn. She didn't broach the subject until Madi was asleep, Bellamy and Clarke sitting side by side on the sofa. 

"I'm not sure I can stay in Newyork" she whispered and he looked so scared, 

"I won't leave without you Bell don't worry, I was just wondering if we could have a discussion" she said realising just how real it was, if he didn't want to go, she would stay, she couldn't leave without him. 

"About moving?" he said, seemingly still in shock. 

"I know we're aren't together, but we're a family, I also know you aren't happy here. You didn't want to be an actor, you needed the money for O, but she's got a job and she wouldn't let you pay even if you tried. You could be a history teacher like you always wanted, I know you've been completing a course online in secret and I'm so proud of you Bell." She tried not to cry as she said it but she was so overcome with love for her family. 

"Clarke. I don't know. I have been completing a course in history but what about you guys?" 

"I can provide for me and Madi, they need doctors everywhere" she laughed and he guessed it was true, but he also knew that being a doctor wasn't her passion. 

"You don't like being a doctor, you should focus on your art, you could start a gallery." 

"I want to keep my dad's money for college tuition money for Mads," It was moments like that she showed her true love for Madi, how good of a mom she was, she would do anything for her, but here she didn't need to. 

"Hey, invest in yourself, if you have a successful company you could pay for Madi that way and you know I'll help with that too," He knew Madi wasn't his child and he wasn't her parental guardian but he loved her so much, of course he would help pay for collage, he would always be there for her. 

"So will you move with me?" she asked, looking so damn nervous, it's not like he could say no to her. It might be physically impossible. 

"I'd move anywhere with you" he replied and a large smile broke out on her face. 

They were silent for a while as she leant against him, 

"We could move to my hometown Sanctum. My mom she left me the house when she died, it's all paid off and O won't use it" He didn't know how she would respond, honestly he didn't know how he felt, the home held a lot of bad memories but they could make new ones, good family ones with the three of them. 

"Really?" 

"Yeah, it has 2 bedrooms, so you and Madi could take one for now" he replied giving her a smile, he wanted her in a bed with him, but he accepted they might not ever be a couple. 

"And you would have a bed" she laughed, and she looked lighter than she had in months. 

"I would, there's a hospital but you could set up an art store or something and there's a high-school for Mads, and I guess me if I'm teaching" he said grinning back. The city hadn't been that great for him, he would be happy to have a fresh start with the two people he cared most for in the world. 

"Are we really going to do it?" 

"Yeah baby we are,'' Bellamy had never called her baby before and she couldn't help herself, she pressed her lips into his, moving against him, letting out a gasp she climbed into his lap grinding gently against him. 

"I'm all in Bell, I want to be with you but like extremely slow like glacial slow" She had always known how much she needed him, how much she cared for him and she couldn't hide the need for him anymore, she wanted to be with him. 

"I'm all in too, Clarke," he whispered against her lips, kissing her gently back and by slow they didn't even use tongue. They heard Madi cry out and in an instant they broke apart and were there soothing her as Clarke slipped into bed next to Madi, Bell leant down and kissed them both goodnight on the forehead, 

"I'm so happy Clarke" Bellamy whispered from the doorway, before he was gone. She was happy too, she was finally happy with her family. 

  
  
  


~•~

  
  
  
  


Clarke was worried about what Madi would think about the move, she knew that she'd be happy they were moving as a family, they weren't leaving Bellamy or anything but she had just settled in NewYork, and Clarke was going to rip her away from everything they knew. 

"Hey nothings decided we're just asking for her opinion," he whispered in her ear, obviously he was able to read her thoughts. 

"Mads can we talk to you?" Bellamy asked and she gave them a skeptical look but came and sat down on the dining room chair opposite Clarke. 

"Would you think about moving out of the city?" Clarke asked and Madi tensed looking wearily at Bellamy before bursting into tears, 

"I don't want to leave Bellamy" she sobbed, 

"Hey Mads, we're a family we would move together." he said getting out his seat and giving her a hug. Clarke had never known her to be so sensitive but she'd been through a lot in the last couple of months hell in the last year, and she loved Bellamy like she loved Clarke, it wasn't surprising she'd be upset about leaving him. 

"Where would we go? Would we live together? Which school would I go to? Where would Bell work?" she fired and Bellamy couldn't work out if it was from excitement or nervousness. 

"Hey, hey chill baby, we've got it all figured out," Clarke said with a smile, and they explained their thoughts, in the end Madi agreed. 

Clarke was relieved and gave Bellamy a small smile, she wasn't sure if he was going to bring up their relationship but for now she didn't want to, just in case it didn't work out she didn't want to hurt Madi anymore. They decided to go and visit the home next weekend with an aim to move in within 2 months. Clarke immediately phoned the hospital asking for a transfer to Alpha, (Sanctum) she also let Madis school know and secured her a place at the local high-school. Bellamy phoned the school and they said they'd interview him the Friday when they went to visit the house. 

Clarke knew that all the furniture was outdated, and it was Bellamy's plan to buy some new things this weekend because Clarke couldn't take any of her furniture, and honestly Bellamy stuff was fine but not much could be used, maybe the TV. However Clarke didn't mind buying new things for the three of them, she was excited to start their new life together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know what you think and Thankyou for reading. See you next time.


End file.
